Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

Why does everyone automatically jump to meaning something? Not necessarily.

Hope you can get some sleep tonight OP.

I hope things look better in the morning

I interpreted the end of the message the same as you OP; 'are you coming straight from work'. It could very well be that if there is a woman, that she is not aware that he is married and he used the 'I'll be at work' to arrange for a later meeting. He couldn't very well say "I can't be there until 6.30 because I have to wait for my DP to leave for her sister's".

Premier Inn would give him the opportunity to shower and change. Can you phone them and ask to be put through to his room? Would save you a trip out and will catch him red handed if he is there.

OP, my dh once got a text from someone we both know. I'll call her Julie. So it came up on his phone as a message from Julie, he opened it to find a romantic message from her saying she thought about him all the time etc etc. He texted her back to say he thought she'd probably sent it to the wrong person. Julie was mortified, turned out she'd started seeing a new man with same name as dh and thought she was texting him.

I didn't see the message, but had it come through when I was near dh's phone and he wasn't, I wouldn't have thought he was having an affair as I trust him implicitly. I would have assumed wrong recipient, but I would have asked him.

I had a fb message last week from a friend telling me I was a wonderful daughter, wishing me a happy birthday and letting me know that she'd deposited money in my account for a present. My name is nothing like her daughters, so how she'd managed to send it to me rather than her daughter is beyond me. But mistakes happen.

Ask your partner. You won't know unless you ask.

I had txt message from someone telling me to go next door and get the washing in cause it was raining... obviously wrong number as I was in the middle of a heatwave/drought

French Martini is also urban slang for a sex act when someone puts their tongue in another's ear during forplay, personally doesn't sound very sexy to me.

I would follow him to the meeting as well, as I cannot think of an innocent explanation unless it was a wrong number.

The "wrong number" theory might be true except for the total lack of reaction from him.

I dont know about anyone else but I would react with an "Eh?!" minimum, and certainly mention it in a "You wont believe what X sent to me earlier!" kind of way.

I would put £100 on the message being gone if the OP had access to his phone right now......

You poor thing it's a horrible situation. Good luck whatever you do.

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Hope you manage some rest tonight OP.

I would say "Oh apparently XXXX does great French Martinis?!"

Sorry to sound sexist but since when did men drink French martinis?!?

Clearly stored a woman's name in his phone as 'David'

Sorry OP

I'm a bit late to this but, as a result of personal experience, I'm with the folks saying DO NOT ask him.

I once "went undercover" to catch out an ex. Once I'd established that he was intending to cheat, I lost my cool and ended up confronting him.

I really wish I hadn't. He just lied and denied and learnt to cover his tracks better next time. I should have kept quiet and carried on gathering information. I would not make this mistake again.

My sister had an affair once and told me that if confronted, she would "deny, deny, deny".

The friend/spy/PI route is good. Failing that, I would be at this place early myself, waiting out of sight.

Ringing the Premier Inn about the "surprise" bottle of champers is a good idea too.

It's true that the text could have been sent to the wrong person by mistake, but it's a bit of a coincidence. What are the chances of getting a mistaken text with such a flirty message? And why hasn't he mentioned it or joked about it, if it was a mistaken text?

Hope it your fears are unfounded though, OP.

Doesn't look good. I wondered if he might be having a gay affair. Either way am feeling for you with the uncertainty.

It doesn't look good. I'm another one who would be at the place to check.

Oh OP Some great suggestions - I would ring the hotel and pretend to be a PA - 'just confirming the booking for XYZ for tomorrow?' - you could even ask them to send further confirmation to your email address (would have to be a works one to seem plausible).

I would also be at that place tomorrow at 6:45, but as you're not 100% that it is tomorrow, is there any possibility of asking someone who may live locally to swing past? That way you can still be there for your sister, and you'd have the added benefit of a friend accidentally 'bumping' into your DP and whoever it is and make conversation - 'oh, I heard it was your DPs sisters birthday, surprised to see you here. Who's your friend? David? Pleased to meet you' etc etc. I'd suggest the friend looks from afar for an bit - if your DP is engaging in romantic contact it'll also make your DP sweat more as he'll have been seen. If he's cheating on you, he'll look shady as shit and you'll also have another neutral person to confirm he's been seen.

Much love

I'm my opinion I would not worry he seems to be a good guy why break the trust by spying on him I trust my husband 1000000% I'd never spy on him but then I no he'd never cheat have faith .just because ur last partner cheated doesn't mean that ur current partner has or will not every guy is a cheater

Fuck me.

No words.

"Sexymommy". Really?

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Definitely call the hotel & if there's a reservation, go over there.

I would turn up with a friend.

Or at least watch him go in.

I think he is planning on staying out. It doesnt look great.

Everyone is allowed an opinion my opinion is give him the benefit of the doubt