Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Hey all. I can't really comment on the DC issues, having none. I'm not sure if it's an advantage, really; it means I have no true understanding of the pressures of parenting and live a very independent life, which I think may be difficult to transition from if a partner had kids living at home even part of the time. Wow, I really mangled some grammar there 🙄
I step-parented many years ago in my 20s (ex stepchild was only 10 years younger, which was.....challenging) and have no desire to take on a mothering role, just to love and support a father.

So I had been very much at the "throw in the towel til I drop a couple of dress sizes" place (reassuring to read Bant's comment, but still something I have to work on). However, I went onto the site this morning and lo! I'd had a few likes from people I liked back. One looked particularly promising, we had a joke over something on my profile and I went back on with a thought to updating some bits. My age was showing 42 not 48 🙄 Not entirely sure how that happened, but I'd been saying maybe I should shave a few off with my friend at the weekend and have a feeling she may have done it when I wasn't looking (we'd had a few, I admit).
So I changed it back today (made a jokey comment about it on the profile), since when Promising Bloke has read my reply, looked at my profile again and not answered. Crap.

So that's my update. Reassuring words about not actually being too fat and old to meet anyone would be welcomed, but I'm aware I probably need to work on my headspace as well as my body before I seriously try and meet someone.....

Crossposted with you Mumfun glad your date went well

I feel 'fuck yes' about wildcard, but it's not a thunderbolt- more I really want to keep doing what we are doing.
I think a lot of us on here are basing self esteem on what judgements others are making (and actually you are sometimes reading into a lack of reply etc and turning that into a judgement). Some men or women prefer someone younger, or older, or fatter, or thinner, or smilier, kids, no kids....you can't be all things to all people and you can't base your opinion of yourself on what someone else apparently thinks. That's easy to say but hard to do, but I think it's worth remembering.

I had a 4th date (in just under a month) Sunday (which turned into Monday afternoon!). It was a perfect date- we went for a walk in the park, dinner, drinks then I stayed at his and we went for coffee the next day. Third time we had slept together which was amazing as the other times, we both agreed that it was the best we had ever had
I haven't told him I'm a mum of one. Been agonising about it a bit but I have serious trust issues and I didn't feel safe to have what for me is a difficult conversation, until yesterday when it felt like something shifted and I knew that despite all my anxieties he actually was a good guy and liked me for me. He opened up a bit to me as well for th first time about some medical issue he had and it felt like we were in a place where it's a proper "thing" now. No ambiguity about seeing each other again, families know we are seeing each other etc.
I know I have to talk about my dd to him next time but I finally feel ready. Just so hoping it goes ok. I like him so much, I haven't felt this way in years.

Thanks, Far, I hear you. What I like very much about MN is hearing the voice of reason being repeated, it helps to reinforce that a lot of my dating stresses are just crooked thinking.

And also glad to hear you're having a good time with Wildcard 👍🏻🙂

And ditto, Bluebells, may I say how fabulous you're looking in the woods at the moment?

My logical brain knows that I am not a total munter, but being 48 (49 next week) and slightly on the overweight side.....it is hard to stay positive (esp when the ex is swanning about shagging his way across the Internet!).

Out ditto. I think I'm OK looks wise (my most recent ex used to bandy the "goddess" word about. Which was nice) but I deffo feel better/sexier/less likely to get ischaemic heart disease a few stone under where I am now. So I don't project "comfortable in own skin"; I project "defensive about size" which isn't great.
Never know whether to address this up front; I don't have a body shot up on my profile as I avoid them like the plague.

Anyhow enough of my pity party; sun's out and I've found a bra that actually fits properly that doesn't make me think of Hattie Jacques 👍🏻

coverme, out Feeling a bit wobbly myself - just turned 44 and lost weight (not intentionally) and feeling a bit un-me about my appearance (thinned face equals more obvious wrinkles). This just all might be a (very big) mid-life wobble at the mo.

Ooh, have you been on the Boob or Bust Facebook page Cover?

I seen the person i like IRL again today. He actually kind of came over to speak. Then i went stupidly quiet after saying hi how are you etc.
I am getting worse each time i see him haha. Its pathetic.
Out of all of those i am with at the time - it is only me he speaks to. I need to somehow just bite the bullet and say what??

Biddy mid-life is a beeyotch. I had a really easy puberty (no zits, mood swings or existential crises) so I think what I've been experiencing the last couple of years is karmic payback 🙄 They do say "arse or face" as we get older, to which I reply "bollocks; Botox" Hope you/we feel less wobbly soon

Out I did have a look at that yes, but I also have a friend who really helped (shan't say more in case I out myself but she is an expert on boobs and I don't mind getting mine out in front of her). All I can say is M&S suck, a sentiment I see echoed on here.

I need to 'do' mine too, but I have a lot going on at the moment. I came up as a 32G, but been wearing 34DD, tried a 32G, cups way too big, tried 32E (M&S) way too small.....so, something in between.

Anyway, as you were, back to dating!

Nipples how about a comment about something apposite (the weather? The office decor? How ridiculous that thing over there is?) it kind of makes you conspirators on a shared joke, so brings you together but isn't too personal, if that makes sense?

All this is theory if course, in your situation I'd just clam up/go red/give out "get the hell away from me, you gorgeous specimen of manhood" vibes 🙄

info I haven't come across anyone I fancy IRL (at the mo) which is rather disappointing - it's nice to have a crush. I work in central London so lots of good looking men around but no-one I see on a regular basis .

Out I weep for the days I was a 34C. I shall get there again. I must; I've got a drawerful of little lacy pieces of nothing I'm pretty sure I could roll my spaniels ears up into if I shed a couple of hundredweight stones.

Yes yes, back to dating.....

It seems so easy in my head to just ask if he fancies a coffee sometime, but when in the moment i just turn pathetic. I secretly hope that my awkwardness allows him to see it is due to an interest but...i dont hold much hope. Even if it is clear to him im interested, he still isnt making a move either ha.
We were able to talk to each other with ease to begin with, ages ago. It just seems to get harder each time now.
Yet i dont think its due to not wanting, from both of us.

Nipples - email him!

I went on a date Friday night, bloody disaster. For starters he looked exactly like my ex husband and even worse, I started wishing it was my ex husband! He was asking questions like where do you want to go in life, do you want to live with someone etc etc and then started telling me he was a considerate lover. Before we met I explained I hated the awkwardness of first dates especially if you don't want to see them again and he said if you don't click with me just be honest, I'm a big boy and I can handle rejection. Well, he can't because when he messaged me the next day to see if I wanted to see him again I was very honest as to my reasons why (But very kind with it), he called me a messer, told me I had obviously found someone better and prompty blocked me.

I'm def up of POF, they are just all so grim. ANyone had any luck on the paying ones such as Match or Elite or as they just as bad?

So disheartened. All the men I have met are just so needy, what happened to having a bit of fun and seeing what happens?

Age doesn't matter, it's just a number. Would you rather date a fun youthful funny 48yr old or a super mega boring 42yr old? I know which I'd prefer.

Knowing you IRL CoverMe, you are very beautiful and that's my opinion so you can't argue it.

I like someone IRL. It'll never come to anything but it's definitely a fuck yes situation.

Mr Gym is 8 years younger than me but doesn't seem to care. He's well aware that I turn 50 in a couple of months. But I won't tell him when my birthday is. I'm in denial!
He said he's going to ask my friends as he wants to do something special for me.
After that horrible few days of catching him on POF I think we are both fuck yes for each other.

coverme Thanks. Don't like this midlife stuff. It would be nice to feel happy in our skin whatever shape we are!

Betty he sounds like someone I went on a date with, couldn't handle the rejection at all despite saying before we met that it doesn't matter if we don't click etc..etc..

I'm not sure what to do about Mr Normal, messaging was really good to begin with, we seem to have stuff in common but now the conversation seems to have gone cold and I'm struggling to message him other than answering the occasional question he sends me. I wouldn't say he's hard work or boring, maybe he's just no good at messaging? I messaged him last night to tell him I have next weekend off of work (as he asked if we could meet on Sunday) but he hasn't really said a lot, doesn't seem excited about meeting. He hasn't messaged me today and I can't be bothered to message him first as I don't want to chase.

POF seems to be dead, looks like I will just have to pluck up the courage to ask Mr Facebook out.

Betty it's even more odd when you go on a date with someone and they message you afterwards to say they didn't feel a connection. And you reply back and say you didn't think so either but it was nice to meet them, and then they get all wounded and aggressive and start demanding to know what was wrong with them, they're too good for you anyway, etc etc

People are weird.

Betty sorry to hear the date wasn't great. I'd not recommend the paying option on OKC (a couple of weeks in) but I'm giving it the full 3 months and am going to proactively start liking profiles, I think. After which I'll either shoot myself or go back on to GSM. I wasn't really in the right place when I was on it as was ending my things with ex (long unedifying story there) but the blokes were way more my type. I liked the "farmers market that's rarely open" analogy. I need to stand outside the gate with my basket, demanding organic locally sourced produce.

Info that's lovely of you to say. Thank you xx Are you going to let IRL lady know???

Runny hurrah!!! I'll put on my big girl pants (to go with my big girl bra) and stop being such a doom mongerer re the age. It's just dispiriting to get the vast majority of likes from people who look like my Grandad. (Who's been dead for 20 years) Or, and yes it has happened, my Grandma. Oh how I wish I'd appreciated the full extent of OKC.....

Bant OLD people ARE weird. But it's like I never meet weird people/men IRL; why are they all hanging out in OLD land???? (Present company excepted, obvs)