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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it my fault?

186 replies

Ricecrispies16 · 30/04/2017 19:01

Kind of a wwyd but also need some help to keep my head straight.

My partner of two years is treating me like shit. Argument after argument it's wearing me down. Every time I say I'm upset about something he doesn't want to hear it then turns it all round on me. The latest is this...

Yesterday I bumped into him on the start of his lunch break at work, instead of stopping to talk for a minute he just says he in a rush scurried off. It left me feeling a bit miffed that he couldn't stop for even a minute to have a chat with me, ask how the baby is (she was with me) or even ask how I am (I'm dosed up on painkillers and antibiotics for my ear, been really poorly for a few days now). I think that after all the bickering lately it upset me that he couldn't take one minute of his lunch break to actually acknowledge me. Then went on his break, I half expected a text message just explaining that he was in a rush etc etc but nothing. His break was half an hour long. So I sent a message that was lighthearted but showed that I felt a bit Hmm about it and he went off on one. Now apparently he does so much for me, treats me so well etc even said "if I'm that bad then why you still with me eh?" I replied that given the way he's treating me I don't even know. He's clung to that with all his might and now I am to blame for the whole thing. He got home from work yesterday and went straight upstairs to the bedroom, shut the door and didn't even speak to me, didn't come down, nothing. This morning he's not even looked at me, not spoke a word, wouldn't even be in the same room as me. When I left his afternoon to go out I said goodbye and he said nothing, so I asked if he's really going to just ignore me and he viciously said "I said cya!" Again wouldn't even look at me. Since that I messaged him saying that I can't believe this is he treatment I get for saying that I was a bit upset that I basically got ignored by him at work and he's going on and on again about how he treats me so well, is so good to me etc etc. He tried to call my bluff telling me that if I'm so unhappy to go and find a man that will treat me better since he treats me like shit. So I said I'm not prepared to spend another night being made to feel inferior and not even good enough to be in the same room as and it that I refuse to live like that, got home and he's ignoring me again.

Fucking had enough I really have. I'm on the brink of just ending it but I don't know how. We had a bad break up about a year ago and he has this way of making me feel like I'm the worst person in the world, it's my fault and the last time he literally reduced me to bits, I had to go to my mums because I felt like I was about to fall apart. I just don't feel ready to face those feelings again. That's what's holding me back.

Am I right in thinking that regardless of how he feels I've done something wrong, it's completely out of order to just disappear to the bedroom and not be in the same room as me? He will say it's my fault for how I was yesterday. He will convince me that it is my fault. I can't face it. I have no idea how I've become so weak.

So, am I in the wrong? And wwyd?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 08/05/2017 17:35

I would leave them alone together but be in the next room with my ears on very high alert!
I hope it goes OK.
Stay calm and matter of fact and serene!?

isitjustme2017 · 08/05/2017 17:52

I agree, I would leave him alone with her but be close by so you can monitor how it goes. If he wants to take her out for a walk, let him.
Be as polite as you can to him (through gritted teeth) and don't be drawn into anything in from of your dd.

Ricecrispies16 · 08/05/2017 18:46

I think I will just go upstairs and make myself busy but listen out. I'll be polite but only say what's necessary. I'm nervous

OP posts:
ExplodedCloud · 08/05/2017 19:33

Make sure you put anything important (car keys Grin) upstairs where you'll be. Try very hard not to get drawn into conversation and if you have anyone you can get to visit just after he's left then it gives you a clear "Well you need to be on your way. Mum is coming round and I need to tidy up" opportunity to remind him whose territory it is.

Ricecrispies16 · 08/05/2017 19:56

Haha car keys will go in my bra for extra security!

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 09/05/2017 04:53

Good luck OP. You're doing great Smile

crouchenddadder · 09/05/2017 05:55

So did you get back together?

It read to me like he just needed a few moments to himself.

Ricecrispies16 · 09/05/2017 06:12

@crouchenddadder** no we haven't got back together. That's all very well him needing a bit of time to himself but leaving your family with no hesitation in order to get your arse wiped for you isn't the way to go about it

OP posts:
ptumbi · 09/05/2017 07:34

crouch - you do realise that there are 184 posts, not just the OP?

FFS.

I second staying in your house Rice. You've said before that that it's taken ages to get the baby to even like him (cleaver thing!) so be prepared for her to cry and scream in his company!

ExplodedCloud · 09/05/2017 08:18

Rice I liked your response though to the suggestion you might have done :) You sound so much stronger!

hellsbellsmelons · 09/05/2017 09:04

It read to me like he just needed a few moments to himself
Bless the poor little poppet!!???
WTF? - you don't get to check out of adult when ever you feel like it.

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