How do you deal with a Narc Husband?

[minicheddars17]

Just had a massive argument with my narc DH. He is in the wrong but just won't and can't admit and it is pushing it all onto me.
I have stormed out and really want to send him this article. I have called him a narc before but he always denies it
thenarcissisticlife.com/the-narcissist-blames-you/
Do you think there's any point me sending it? Is a Narc likely to read it? Do they ever realise they are a Narc or are they always in a constant state of denial?

definately dont inflict a Narc father on a child unless you are ready to support them through years of therapy and probably domestic abuse in their own relationships. Just dont. Better to go to a sperm bank and do it yourself, its not as if he will help you with any child anyway, just be jealous and crank it up when you give attention to a baby.
Just dont

It was, AnotherEmma, and it was awful to have to send them off for their every-other-weekend visits to him. He treated the visitation as a game of 'keep away'. As far as he was concerned, he got his pound of flesh that he was legally entitled to via the visitation schedule and nothing else about the visitation mattered - the DCs reported very little conversation at weekends, he would go out running or to run errands or go on his computer or watch sports on tv, and they felt completely ignored but always on guard because he could turn a neutral atmosphere to a very frightening one at the drop of a pin if something annoyed him. If they found they had forgotten something while at his place they felt they had to secretly phone me to ask if I could bring it over, and I had to lurk in the bushes so they could sneak out and grab whatever it was.

They dreaded their weekends with him and were well aware of being caught in a situation in which he was acting out of anger towards me and nothing else - he used to use the term 'your mother' to them as if he was talking of a poison toad. From 2008 to 2016 he threatened me and also DD1 with filing motions of contempt of court once each, and actually filed three motions against me, all of which carried with them the threat of a custodial sentence for me (the DCs apart from DD1 knew nothing of this however). He made no attempt to use the arrangement to forge a positive relationship with them. None of the DCs have talked to him since turning 18.

Fucking hell
Your wise insights and advice have been hard won, it seems

The longer you stay the worse it gets. They suck everything from you. And then you watch them trying to do the same to your DC. RUN!!

Have DC through other means, better to do it alone from the beginning than have to try to coparent with a narc.

Urgh Math that just unimaginable

akawisey. Spot on!

Math

Math

People like him need to be removed from the human race what a despicable excuse of a man.

Thank god your kids have you. they'll go NC with him eventually, fingers crossed x

Just read your last sentence! Thank goodness.

Please dont have children with a narc. My experience is the same as Maths practically word for word. I dont want to frighten anyone but feel obliged to warn you about potential consequences of having children with a narc. My DD was subjected to typical narc behaviour and now at 19 she is in a psychiatric ward. Her illness has been caused by PTSD as a result of her fathers treatment. I left him when DD was one and I was pregnant with DS.

I dont want to alarm anyone but I didnt realise how this would affect children of narc parent. Both DC cannot stand him and avoid him but cannot break away fully because of the torment he subjects them to when he senses he is losing control.

I beg you not to have children with a narc.

Dd's mental health worker told her she could have a relationship with her father but she would have to accept that his needs would always come first. Sad, but true.
Emerald, dd as you know, dd has also been an inpatient. Hope things are improving for your dd.

Math as with others, my story isn't much different. I have PTSD, anxiety, depression. It's only been a few months though, so am hoping for improvements.

Thank you very much Dawn. I think we have a way to go yet. How is your DD?

One thing that I found reassuring was that DD's doctor who is the Head of Psychiatry very quickly identified that DD's problems were caused by her father's treatment. Over the years I had got used to people thinking what a 'lovely' man my EXH is so I got validation when the medical staff saw straight through him.

I think if we find the right therapy she stands a decent chance but that will be another challange.

horrendous. I hope your DDs get through and get better. Strength to you

You divorce them.

Yes, mine was always a charmer, yet he has a diagnosis of BPD and could still charm the pants of his mental health workers.
I too though have had more than one health worker tell me to run for the hills, and his psychiatrist last year told me to go as far away as I possibly could and once I was safe to write and complain about not being listened to!

Yes, mine was always a charmer, yet he has a diagnosis of BPD and could still charm the pants of his mental health workers. 

Isnt NPD sometimes mistaken for BPD. He could be the former?

I didn't know that, Polly; it's a possibility I guess. What I do know is that his version of reality and that of the rest of the world is totally different, but he completely believes his version. What's worrying is that the mental health team did/do nothing to disabuse him of these notions. It's scary!

I'm really sorry to all of you who experienced the turmoil of living with these creatures ( they don't deserve to be called humans). I wish this thread was brought up every time when some poor pregnant woman is considering putting her "D"P on birth certificate. I also wish it was read by all these claiming that the child has a "right" to relationship with their father,even if the father is a cunt of the highest order.

to all brave woman and sorry OP for barging on your thread. Good luck.

Run like the wind. 2 tortuous years with a narc during which I thought I was going mad. 2 years post narc - the peace is thrilling.

NPD and BPD are pretty similar. I think with BPD they have moments of clarity but then have to justify it in their minds whichever way. I think that they also dissociate when really stressed and have severe abandonment issues.

If I have that wrong, apologies. I think my STBXH is BPD with narc tendencies. Whatever it is, its insidious and distructive

The differences between NPD and BPD:

www.clearviewwomenscenter.com/borderline-narcissistic-personality-disorder-differences.html

www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com/bpd-narcissistic-personality-disorder-differences.html

The diagnosis doesn't really matter though - both are extremely toxic.

Dawn - I'm not sure there's any point in disabusing them of their beliefs, well trying to anyway. I suppose if they were in long standing and intense talking therapy it might work.

My STBXH is getting treatment for C-PTSD which he hangs all his troubles on. I think it goes far deeper than that.

Great articles, thanks. I didn't know NPD also had abandonment issues

Thanks Emma, interesting articles. Definitely a combination of both with a whole lot of other mess thrown in!
Dawn (it's like I'm talking to myself ) Mine too claimed C-PTSD. I'm really not sure how much is true anymore though.

Dawn I've zoned out of all his woes now. It's exhausting. All I know is that it's toxic. It's also scary to realize after all these years that they're not the person you thought they were. This split has brought up some mad and Eratic behaviour and each time something odd happens you realize that they really are very damaged.