OLD issue - I've been stupid

[ShockingShite]

So I met a bloke through OLD and he seemed A-Mazing! Totally hit it off, details about what he does all checked out totally, had a really brilliant first date which lasted 12 hours. Yes. Really. 12 hours.

Met up with him again. Slept together. A-Mazing. Discussed all sorts of deep and meaningfuls regarding the fact that he never wants kids, but is totally ok with the fact that I have 2 already. We both removed our profiles from the OLD site. All seemed to be going very well...

Then suddenly, a few days ago we were going to Skype and he didn't appear. Then arrived much later than planned, all flustered and finished the convo when his phone rang.

It spooked me enough to go back and check the OLD site and, what would you know, there's another profile which looks like a brand new one. He says it isn't and it's from a while ago, but he was logged in last night at 9 pm. Totally brushed off my concerns and said he'd Skype me tonight to explain. He's no attempt to text or phone me today.

I've been had by a player, haven't I?

Would you Skype or refuse?

[LesisMiserable]

Are you excited about the prospect because if its honestly put you off dont stick at it just cos you fancy him, it will end in tears. Honestly forget the naughty shelf or forget him, dont hold a reservation from the get go.

[Trills]

I would not trust someone who suggested being exclusive after two dates.

They don't know me well enough for that to be a sensible move.

Therefore they are either not sensible, or they are playing some kind of game.

[ShockingShite]

All I can say is that we did have a good normal chat after the bit about the profile. It's tricky over Skype. Think the next date will be the deciding point really and I'll be watching him very carefully. I do fancy the arse off him though.

[ShockingShite]

In many respects he's not st all sensible. He's hyper intelligent (an academic), but has no sense of direction and a lack of common sense. His character is eccentric.

[ShockingShite]

at

[LesisMiserable]

Thats not uncommon for academic types. Hope it goes well

[joannegrady90]

Don't think I'd bother op.

Sounds far too much hard work and will most likely end in tears!

[ShockingShite]

Been mulling this over some more. I can't say too much more about his character and background without risking an outing. But it does affect matters. He's hyper clever and slightly barking in an endearing way.

I think he may be on the spectrum and he's already shown me an extraordinary about of trust by leaving me alone in his flat with a large amount of cash (lodger had just paid the rent) and no comeback for me if I did a runner.

Basically, he's trusting me and not really questioning what I get up to. I nearly wrote thrusting just then... :D

[user1489336398]

Hi OP

Has he definitely deleted the profile? Are you sure he isn't on another sites? Have a look at all main ones.

If he is one of us could message him to test him. I have been in this situation before and in the end I was always right to have my doubts. Not saying that this is the case for you but best to be cautious.

[Ellisandra]

I actually don't see that as hugely trusting.
Most people (including strangers off the internet!) wouldn't run off with that money.

I actually think you're the one showing the trust, letting him get away with going back on line.

[ChristmasFluff]

You met him twice. He made out he was someone (a person who would delete his profiles) that he wasn't. So you really don't know who you are dating. I'd take that as a huge signal and would bin. But that's just me.

[ChristmasFluff]

Biggest tip I would give about OLD is that the only stuff that actually 'counts' is face to face. It should literally be an introduction service. Unless you want a penpal.

[ShockingShite]

The profile has definately gone.

I might check some others when I have the time.

Our next date is daytime on BH Monday. Sensible museum outing. I'll be back on the train home early evening, so no nooky opportunity and he will already have realised that.

[ShockingShite]

Ta user 👍
I'll have a shufty when I get a spare moment.

[Olddear]

Why would you put a lie on the 'naughty shelf?'

[ShockingShite]

I think everyone may have one or two items on a naughty shelf before they are bundled out of the room.

The problem is when the shelf has too many. That's when I give up.

I've marked it and not ignored it, that's the point. I'll bring it up again if it's relevant.

[ShockingShite]

I just joined 4 dating sites with a fake ID at my old address and searched thoroughly.

Nothing.

[SparklingRaspberry]

Oh my goodness.

OP, you've had a couple of dates, slept with him once and had a few Skype calls.

All of a sudden you're creating fake profiles to check whether he's still signed up to any still. If you're doing this two dates in you'll be doing it still in 2 years!

You too signed back onto your profile yourself which is how you found out he'd also been online. You say you logged in to clear your inbox really? You are obviously smitten with this man, why would you log in to the website just to empty your inbox? Let's be honest - you signed back in to check whether he was still signed up!

I don't see what he's done wrong even before his 'explanation'.
If you think having a shag and deep conversations mean he's committed to you then you're very naive. Even removing profiles doesn't mean much!

I'm not gunna lie, if someone expected a committed relationship from me after 2 dates and a shag, then got pissy because they'd found my profile, and was then creating fake profiles to check up on me, I would be running for the hills!!

Saying that, if I was after a serious relationship with someone I wouldn't sleep with them so soon. Yes I know it's 2017, but let's be honest - when you're looking for a serious relationship you don't tend to go back to their flat on the second date and have sex. That's something I'd do if I was only after something casual.

It's not healthy OP. Especially creating these fake profiles after two dates
Enjoy what ever happens with you two but I fear you're about to get hurt by putting all your eggs into one basket

[onlyslightlyinterested]

And the award for over thinking goes to.....Jeez, relax!

[DoIDontIhavethetalk]

Sparkling, that's me who logged on to clear my inbox - and I genuinely was doing just that.

However, I agree with you that the OP creating fake profiles to check up on this n is veering into Crazytown.

OP - don't tie yourself in knots - you're not being fair to yourself

[user1489336398]

That;s good that there were no other profiles.
I do totally get the intense instant connection thing which clearly a lot of people responding do not.. just be aware and don't allow yourself to get swept head over heels.

[ShockingShite]

NO I didn't log back into my profile to check up. Not sure where you got that idea from.

I'm satisfied now I've had a look and will now let this one go. I am indeed smitten and yes I do need to calm the fuck down.

[ShockingShite]

Some of you may have missed this earlier up the thread. I've recently divorced a cheater. So I recognise I have trust issues. But with very good reason.

[ShockingShite]

Finding it very interesting the varying opinions on here about at what point it's right to sleep with someone and what that means.

Truth is nobody really knows what the right thing is. We are all busking our way through. It felt right at the time and, having spoken to him last night, it still does.

[Sunshineandlaughter]

Yes it's 2017 but sleeping with someone on the second date it akin to watching 5 minutes of a trailer then someone telling you the ending of a film. Even if it's the best film in the world you are never going to feel as invested or love it as much as if you sat down to watch film and let story play out in its own time. To me it's just cutting out a large part of getting to know someone and falling in love with them and the fun and anticipation that goes with that. It's fine if you just want a shag but if you want the next love of your life there's no rush and guys will wait and enjoy the build up too.