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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

OLD issue - I've been stupid

248 replies

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 19:09

So I met a bloke through OLD and he seemed A-Mazing! Totally hit it off, details about what he does all checked out totally, had a really brilliant first date which lasted 12 hours. Yes. Really. 12 hours.

Met up with him again. Slept together. A-Mazing. Discussed all sorts of deep and meaningfuls regarding the fact that he never wants kids, but is totally ok with the fact that I have 2 already. We both removed our profiles from the OLD site. All seemed to be going very well...

Then suddenly, a few days ago we were going to Skype and he didn't appear. Then arrived much later than planned, all flustered and finished the convo when his phone rang.

It spooked me enough to go back and check the OLD site and, what would you know, there's another profile which looks like a brand new one. He says it isn't and it's from a while ago, but he was logged in last night at 9 pm. Totally brushed off my concerns and said he'd Skype me tonight to explain. He's no attempt to text or phone me today.

I've been had by a player, haven't I?

Would you Skype or refuse?

OP posts:

Report

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:27

Yes I feel better for talking to him and at one point he did make me really belly laugh (once we were off the OLD profile topic).

He didn't ask when he'd be seeing me next (sort of relieved about that tbh). So not pushy. But he asked me to let him know when we can Skype again - so the ball was kinda left in my court.

I'm afraid I did look at him and think 'phwoarrr'. Make of that what you will. I'm mulling that over as well.

Bloody confusing and frustrating this relationship thing. I think only time will tell. Maybe we should take three steps backwards?

OP posts:

MyGastIsFlabbered · 21/04/2017 22:27

There's nothing wrong with keeping options open at the beginning but don't say you're going to be exclusive in that case.

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:29

He immediately said he'd take it down the moment I pointed it out.
I didn't have to ask him to do it.

OP posts:

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:29

The other profiles? Him

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 21/04/2017 22:30

Did he ask questions about what youve been up to etc

ImaLannister · 21/04/2017 22:30

Calzone me too! 😂 I thought what's this raving new dating site!
OP - don't kick him to the kerb just yet, roll with it. Technically he hasn't done anything wrong as your both Still single. He's just keeping his options a little open still I suppose, which makes sense in a way, as crap as it feels for you I know. He wants to carry this on, he's choosing to be in touch with you still so let him, chill and enjoy it.
FYI I slept with my DP the next morning after I met him, and we've been together 3 years and just bought out first house together. Sleeping with someone so quick doesn't always mean doom n gloom.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 21/04/2017 22:30

But OLD profile stalking is the way to madness...

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:30

Yes - lots of chat about our week and what we had for dinner, plans for the weekend etc

OP posts:

LesisMiserable · 21/04/2017 22:31

Did he ask about your plans for the weekend? If so maybe he was fishing to see if you were free to see him.

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:32

Next date = day out, no shagging... yes?

OP posts:

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:33

He may have been fishing perhaps. I didn't bite tho obvs. Still mulling it over.

OP posts:

ImaLannister · 21/04/2017 22:33

Flip it over to day time dating next yes. You will get to see his body language/ how he acts with you more in detail etc. You will know from that if he's into you genuinely.

Sunshineandlaughter · 21/04/2017 22:34

You need to move on or just completely step back and try and develop a friendship with him

This guy is keeping his options open.

It's very rare that if you shag someone 2nd time you have met them ever it'll develop into a long term relationship (it can happen but it's rare) The trouble with old is that there is the pressure to do this and it's hard to build up any fountain to a relationship first. Try and take things a little slower next time.

Ellisandra · 21/04/2017 22:34

You know he's a liar.
You know he logged into that profile last night. Doesn't matter whether he's lying about why it exists or not - he's a liar.

And you didn't feel comfortable calling him on that. Bad sign.

Honestly, there really are plenty of men out there. If you're happy having casual sex then all power to you, and you'll find men out there who also want that and are honest about it.

Just walk away from this one, because he is a liar.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 21/04/2017 22:35

I think given that you obviously want exclusivity and for this to be the real deal, I'd proceed with caution.

Listen to your gut and be aware of red-flags. Read up on the OLD thread and go into it with your eyes open.

As much as I think women should be free to act as they wish, be careful about giving away your heart based on text messages and Skype conversations, it's easy to provide a false image that way, you only truly get to know a person by being in their company and seeing their actions, not just hearing their words.

More importantly, we've had a bit of a laugh on here (sorry), but if someone is committed to manipulating you by giving you a false image of them and their intentions, don't judge yourself harshly for their poor behaviour, just look out for the warning signs.

Sunshineandlaughter · 21/04/2017 22:35

Yes to day time date and no shagging but flirt lots!

NeonGod73 · 21/04/2017 22:36

Him taking his profile off OLD means nothing. He might be on other websites too; plenty of fish, tinder etc.

LesisMiserable · 21/04/2017 22:37

Our second date was out for a curry at teatime. Can I say it was actually quite awkward making small talk given that on our first date we had had rampant drunken sex? ( no tombstone action, sorry) . But the next time after that it was better and then better again and well, here we are. Daytime date would be good. Always ducks to feed

Nancy91 · 21/04/2017 22:38

I think you're just taking it a bit too seriously, too soon. Just keep your options open and see other men as well as it's very early days with this guy.

ShockingShite · 21/04/2017 22:38

Isn't tombstone sex just for Goths?

OP posts:

ImaLannister · 21/04/2017 22:39

He is defo keeping his options open. And he's single. But I know that feels shit for us women! Men are predators, it's what they do. It's natural for women to wear our hearts on our sleeves.
But I wouldn't ditch him. Because as I said he hasn't done anything wrong. But you have to be comfortable knowing that to carry on doing whatever your doing with him.

LesisMiserable · 21/04/2017 22:39

I think the fact he's skyped you is actually very cute. Skyping can be excruciating at the best of times.

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WorzelsCornyBrows · 21/04/2017 22:39

shocking it's probably something the kids are doing these days

LesisMiserable · 21/04/2017 22:41

Not according to neon I think they're implying its the chosen blanket method of us loose women types

pictish · 21/04/2017 22:42

I just wanted to say that I think Les's advice has been spot on throughout. When she says to proceed as though this was a new woman friend I think she's absolutely right.
Be cool, use your social skills, don't commit to or promise anything and see what unfolds naturally. Good luck. x

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