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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just caught husband having a affair

176 replies

twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:07

Just went through my husbands phone and saw he has been having an affair with his best friends wife . It's been going on months , lots of pics and text , I've screen shot them and sent to my brother , I've called my dad. I'm sitting in McDonald with my girls I don't want to go home , how do I keep it together . I'm on shock , I can't even think , please help me . I've read this same scenario on here but never thought it could happen to me . There is undeniable proof , I just am numb , where do I go from here . I just want to scream and scream but I can't !!!

OP posts:
Weatherforecaster · 21/04/2017 13:08

I'm so sorry. I'd go back home and lock him out until you've had time to cool down. Text him and say a bag of his stuff is at the front door. You know about him and x.

Lolipoplady · 21/04/2017 13:09

Twirly, I'm so sorry. Can you go to your dad's or your brother's, or a friend's house, instead of going home right now? Or can someone come out to you at the McDonald's, maybe?

Eragonsegg · 21/04/2017 13:09

Oh no.so sorry op that sucks. Get yourself a coffee and try to calm down a bit. You're gonna need your wits about you I presume.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/04/2017 13:10

Is there anyone who can have the kids so they are not there for when you see him?

I would never be able to keep that I knew for long.

What a cunt. To you and his best friend and all kids involved.

Original poster
twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:10

He's at home sleeping , won't go to work until late afternoon .
My family and not close they are about 5 hours away , I just spent the Easter holiday with them

OP posts:
Calmdownboris1 · 21/04/2017 13:11

First of all, can you get someone to have the girls? I found out last year my "D"P had been having a 10 month affair with a girl half his age. You will be in shock and if you can send them over to your brother or dads it can give you some initial space , rather than putting on a brave face for the girls. So sorry this has happened to you - does he know you know?

MiddleClassProblem · 21/04/2017 13:12

Any good friends nearby?

Other option is just go home, pack for you and the kids and go back to your family for at very least the weekend x

rollonthesummer · 21/04/2017 13:13

Do you think he's best friend is aware?

Does your DH know that you know?

Original poster
twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:14

I've got a few friends here , but I don't want to say anything to them, i don't want him to take my girls away , I don't want to scream and shout at him without a plan , I'm breaking inside , I know there'rs no going back . I moved away from my family 8 years ago to get married to him , I never thought he would ever ever do this

OP posts:
Original poster
twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:15

No best friend is not aware of their sordid secret ,

OP posts:
SheWhoDaresGins2 · 21/04/2017 13:16

I second going home, locking him out. Bag of stuff on doorstep. Txt saying "there is bag on the doorstep for you, I hope your BF and his wife will be happy to put you up for a bit seeing as his wife is so friendly with you"

Then switch all phones off.

If he's at home. Go in then ask if he can go to the shop for you. While he's out do the above.

Massive hugs for you and your DDs. Keep strong, you deserve better and quite frankly so does his best friend.

MammyNeedsASpaDay · 21/04/2017 13:18

That's awful, I really feel for you.

Take time to gather your thoughts. You will not be able to think straight.

You need some time to think.

Previous poster is right lock him out. Tell him with a note.

EssentialHummus · 21/04/2017 13:18

I'm so sorry. Can you stay out until he's off to work? No need to see him/confront him today, you need to be calmer and planning what you need to do before confronting him IMO.

Original poster
twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:19

I just can't get my head around it , they have been sending pictures daily to each other , I just want to run away with the girls but I don't think that will help me. The phone he had wasn't a secret he just used to use it for work stuff. It it had a password , when he went to bed he left it on iPlayer I just thought il look through it , no suspicions or anything . And there I saw it reams and teams of texts and pics

OP posts:
PathOfLeastResitance · 21/04/2017 13:19

Well done for collecting the phone evidence. What a shitty thing to find out. Surely McDonalds will send you loopy quite soon? Could you take the kids for a long walk in the countryside to give you some thinking space and buy time until you can go home after he's gone to work?
Maybe ask to get this moved to Relationships - lots of support and knowledge over there. x

Original poster
twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:22

I think he will just go blank when I confront him , he won't deny it or won't confirm it , I want to tell everyone what he's done!! Then I want o confront her , she's miles away , they've been talking about having kids together etc , having sex together , I can't believe I'm typing this , I'm just numb . There videos of them kissing , it's all I've been looking at since 8 in the morning .

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 21/04/2017 13:22

How old are the girls?

Original poster
twirlytwo · 21/04/2017 13:23

Don't want to out myself really l girls are3/4

OP posts:
Pollydonia · 21/04/2017 13:26

How long it until your dad can get to you ?

Maudlinmaud · 21/04/2017 13:26

Twirly really sorry you are going through this. What a shit.

EssentialHummus · 21/04/2017 13:29

I'd save/send ALL photos/videos to you/brother, then (depending on your setup) get copies of H's bank account, any pension, any savings, go see a solicitor - not sure if today is feasible, if not then Monday - then confront him to say you know he's been cheating with X, you'll be divorcing him, your solicitor is [name] who will be in touch, and it's better all round if he stays somewhere else in the interim.

MiddleClassProblem · 21/04/2017 13:29

Well, the kids are pre school so you have no commitment regarding them to stay if you want to go. Do you work?

Hissy · 21/04/2017 13:30

TBH, I would contact his Best Friend. He needs to know too. Ideally before the loving couple know you both know.

You need support, he needs to know. I hope you get the support and help you need

happypoobum · 21/04/2017 13:31

Go back after he has left for work. Then text him saying that you know and you have sent his belongings in a taxi to his mums/best friends/OW/whatever.

Then call the BF and tell him what has been going on.

Call your parents and see if they can come and stay with you for a bit?

Do you own or rent?

Why do you think he would be able to "take the girls away?" You seem to think he has all the power but probably you do. Don't you think when he realises he has been fun out that he will be far more worried about you moving back to be with your family, because that is what most of us would do.

Ooogetyooo · 21/04/2017 13:34

Either stay out until he goes to work, then go home get your daughters tea bath and bed. Gather a bag of his stuff and text him at work to say you know all about it and his bag is waiting for him when he gets home and you need him to move out whilst you process what has been going on. Buy yourself some time.
Or stay out until he goes to work then go home gather up some stuff for you and girls and go to your family if you can get there or if they can pick you up. What is your house situation?