Just caught husband having a affair

[twirlytwo]

Just went through my husbands phone and saw he has been having an affair with his best friends wife . It's been going on months , lots of pics and text , I've screen shot them and sent to my brother , I've called my dad. I'm sitting in McDonald with my girls I don't want to go home , how do I keep it together . I'm on shock , I can't even think , please help me . I've read this same scenario on here but never thought it could happen to me . There is undeniable proof , I just am numb , where do I go from here . I just want to scream and scream but I can't !!!

Twirly you will stay strong, I promise you.

But do you know what? You're only human. It's ok not to feel strong 100% of the time. You wouldn't be "normal" if you did.

Also you don't have to try to be superhuman- you just have to try to be strong enough.

Remember, we're all here for you. You're not alone xx

Well done OP, the hardest bit has been done. Xxx

Good luck, Twirly. Fingers crossed for Monday too x

Stay strong. You'll get through this. He's a shit. X

You'll get through this fine. You are much stronger than you think you are.

BTW, you should change any internet passwords, password protect your phone and devices, and secure any important documents. At this point, he is, if not 'the enemy', he's certainly not an ally.

I'm so sorry about the hell you are going through. Get every penny you can from your joint accounts before you confront him.

So sorry twirly- get legal advice, I'd feel like moving back to England too in your situation

OP I'm glad 'd'H has left the flat. As pp's have said, don't trust him. Don't discuss anything re your future plans (apart from him seeing kids, picking stuff up etc). He is not your friend or ally and don't give him anything he could use against you e.g. talk about moving. Keep any contact with him to the bare minimum necessary e.g. sorting practicalities.

Don't be frightened by people saying that he could apply for a court order. Yes, he could (who knows? he might not want to?), doesn't mean it would be granted. Your solicitor will be able to get all the info from you and will be able to advise you as to how a court would be likely to decide, given your circumstances.

You've got a rocky time ahead of you, be kind to yourself and don't expect too much of yourself emotionally at the moment

twirly - no other further advice to offer as other people have made good suggestions (eg ohfourfoxache) but having but having been in your situation and now divorced, I wanted to say I really do understand the absolute shock and devastation of finding out an affair. It's heart breaking.

Thinking of you. As others have said, you are not alone in this. XX

With regard to the question on removing the children to England, I found this statement on the "Practical law" website. It suggests that in practical terms, the country is the whole UK, which makes sense as that is what would be on your passport.

uk.practicallaw.thomsonreuters.com/8-575-5546?__lrTS=20170422050553550&transitionType=Default&contextData=(sc.Default)&firstPage=true&bhcp=1

Section 2 of the Children (Scotland) Act 1995 (1995 Act) provides that a child habitually resident in Scotland cannot be removed from, or retained outside, the UK without the consent of a person who has, and is exercising, a right of residence or contact over the child. However, where both parents have such rights, one cannot provide such consent alone to the removal or retention of the child and defeating the other parent's rights; the consent of the other parent is required in order to lawfully remove the child from, or retain it outside, the UK.

Hope that helps if you decide you want to remove yourself and contact a lawyer in England.

Just rtft, my heart breaks for you twirly. Did you manage to get any sleep?

Well done in keeping it together so far. Having been in a similar situation my biggest mistake was not getting copies of all paperwork and not freezing joint accounts to stop him withdrawing all the money. It Hurst so much but you will find a strength you did not know you had. Tell your good friends. My friends helped me so.much as my family were a distance away. Good Luck

Sending strength Twirly youre doing amazing, very dignified!!

Twirly, you now have a clear coast, to get your ducks in a row, at least for now.
You're an amazing young woman.
I'll pray for your continued strength.
England, here comes Twirly !

There was a case in Scotland very recently (sorry can't find it to link) where Mum was ordered to stay in Scotland with children despite her having no-one here to support her (family/friends all in England) post separation...so keep all those cards very close to your chest Op. good luck 💐

No one is trying to scare the OP by suggesting that she should seek legal advice before relocating the children.

I'm afraid it's not as simple as " her family are there " or " he's a cheating bastard " . The Scottish courts will look at what is in the best interest of the children and why moving them to England would be better for them than, for example, staying where they are in the family home and seeing their father EOW.

The father can easily argue that he cannot relocate to England as he works in the family business in Scotland ( unless of course they also have offices in England near the OPs proposed location ) .

Of course, if the situation is as someone suggested up thead ( both parties live 5 mins each side of the border ) then the courts might question the need for a move at all.

www.penningtons.co.uk/news-publications/latest-news/burning-to-relocate-over-the-border-the-differences-between-england-and-scotland/

The advice to " just pack up and take the kids " is well intentioned, I'm sure, but misguided. The OP needs to stay where she is this weekend and get legal advice next week.

Alternatively her husband may give permission for her to remove the children to England for a few days and I suggest that she gets this in writing ( by email ) .

The courts will take a dim view if she asks, he refuses and she still takes them.

This is the time to think things through carefully , get advice and act wisely and with a view to the long term plan. It's not the time for rash dramatic gestures, however tenpting this is.

0live that is the Scottish legal position just put in layman terms - in this respect (rightly or wrongly) the uk is seen as a single country not separate ones, despite different legal systems they are fairly similar on this matter. A pp had laterly quoted a relevant statute and while there are case law exceptions these are quite extreme and based on exceptional and unique circumstances. Of course if you want citations if I could be arsed I'd provide them but I can't do I won't.

Sometimes if you're not in a position to answer with solid legal authority, it's best not to as you've given the op wrong information which would only cause the OP more distress.

Thinking of you x

am thinking of you Twirly

Thinking of you and your girls OP.

Teabagtits - courts can and do prevent parents moving within the same country if doing so frustrates the other parent from forming or maintaining a relationship with the children. 0live has outlined the position in the UK correctly: that's why the OP needs legal advice.

Twirly, I'm so sorry this has happened. Stay strong, thinking of you.

chacha you're assuming I don't know the law in this area. I can assure you I am qualified and speak of the general position. As I mentioned there are always exceptions.

I can't contribute but I'm very sorry this has happened to you

Is everything ok

How are things OP?