Just caught husband having a affair

[twirlytwo]

Just went through my husbands phone and saw he has been having an affair with his best friends wife . It's been going on months , lots of pics and text , I've screen shot them and sent to my brother , I've called my dad. I'm sitting in McDonald with my girls I don't want to go home , how do I keep it together . I'm on shock , I can't even think , please help me . I've read this same scenario on here but never thought it could happen to me . There is undeniable proof , I just am numb , where do I go from here . I just want to scream and scream but I can't !!!

I'm so sorry you're going through this, what a bloody awful situation.

As PP have suggested, keep calm and try to think rationally about what it is you want/need in the short term. I wouldn't send any texts to OW's husband just yet, like someone else has stated you can perhaps use it as leverage if he's not playing ball.

Good luck twirly - so sorry this is happening

If your husband turns up banging at the door (in England) and police become involved, he would be asked to leave to prevent a breach of the peace. If he goes back the same night, he'd end up getting arrested.

How do you work that one out ? If he's locked out of his home, that's illegal, and she'd be asked to open up unless he had been violent.

twirly, very sorry you're really suffering but, as usual, you have a lot of good advice on here. I'm a bit out of date but understand that though your name might not be on anything, as you're married you are entitled to your share of the assets, which could include part of the family business. A solicitor will advise. Some friends of ours had a business, son cheated on his wife, she divorced him and claimed half his assets including those in the business.

I'm sure you won't lose your children.

If you really want to be nasty, (I'm not suggesting you should but it's always a good idea to have leverage) send the details to the family business suggesting they get their accounts up to date as your solicitor will want to see them. All the best to you.

Also, under law the children are entitled to a home, and that would be the family home at this stage.

I agree with this. I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you, and the desire to get the hell out of there must be pretty strong right now. However, once you leave the family home he probably won't let you back in. I'd do as others suggested, stay there and ask him to leave. At least that way you still have a roof over your heads for the time being.

mammy do you think you need to check those facts? This is what it says on a legal site...

Can You Lock Your Spouse Out of the House

As a general rule, the answer is "no": Unless you have a court order excluding your spouse from the home, although you can change the locks on the marital home, you cannot prevent your ex- from returning to the home, even if that means breaking into the home, or even changing the locks again to lock you out.

I am not a family solicitor so my knowledge is old and rusty but depending on the specifics of the situation you may have matrimonial homes protection so a right to stay in the property. Again depending on specifics you may be entitled to a share of his assets. So consult a lawyer.

Regardless of whose property it is if he turns up screaming at you- call the police. That is a breach of the peace. Hopefully he won't do that though, especially if he knows he is in the wrong. If he is charged with a domestic matter he will be held for court. Court is not on over the weekend so he would be held until Monday. They can only charge if there are two witnesses- you and someone else. So if he threatens you phone someone who knows his voice whilst he is doing it so they can give evidence to the police.

If you have a friend do call. If I knew you I would entertain the kids and make you some tea. People love to help given the chance.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Get photocopies if you can instead of photos of documents, which you can do if you have a printer at home.

Scottish family lawyer here. You have occupancy rights in relation to the matrimonial home. He cannot force you out. So you have a legal right to stay regardless of whether you actually want to in practical terms.

He also has a legal obligation to support you and the children financially. And you'll likely qualify for benefits too. So the financial picture may not be as bleak as it appears right now.

I hope this knowledge alleviates some of the worry, and allows you to focus on your and the children's emotional wellbeing. It must be a terrible shock. Take care of yourself.

OP, I'm so sorry. You don't deserve this.

Firstly, read AcrossthePond's advice. I recommend that you follow it. You must be brave and hold it together for now.

When you're home, gather your important documents (birth certs, passports, bank statements etc) and hide them out of place.

Report your post and get it moved to Relationships. You will get some invaluable advice there.

Strength OP, strength.

Good advice from MorriseysHamster too.

Having been through the mill several times, I have always changed the locks and nothing untoward ever happened. When challenged, I simply said that I did not feel safe in my home.
Good luck OP x

I know you're being inundated with (very helpful) information, but whatever you decide to do about tonight, tomorrow you need to arrange an appointment with a family law solicitor. You need to understand your position with regards to the family home (your rights to stay and/or whether you can expect any money from it), child maintenance & spousal payments, and what you can expect from a division of other marital assets. Also ask about your freedom to move back to England, whether or not he can block you taking the children, and how moving would affect access (would it mean children being with him for extended periods, would you have to arrange/pay for transport).

You will need to know how the home is titled, the amount of his income (salary AND other income such as dividends, etc), and a 'ballpark' of marital assets.

Remember that seeing a solicitor does NOT mean that you are or will get a divorce. It simply means that you are acquiring the information needed to make an informed decision. If it makes it feel better for you, you can also investigate what marital counseling is available in your area.

Also, being cynical, be aware that it might be easier for him to block you moving the children than to retrieve you from England if you move quickly...

I'm inclined to agree that preventing a move is easier than ordering your return after the fact. Especially as the kids are pre-school. But you may not be in a frame of mind to make long-term decisions right now.

Twirly if you decide to get divorced I'd send the petition form England.

Otherwise you will come under Scottish jurisdiction and have to trek up to Scotland for each hearing.

A friend had this her ex petitioned from Scotland and then he did this thing where he kept changing solicitor andtaking ages to find a new one which dragged out the procedure a lot longer than it should have taken.

Try and be calm, give him a reason to let you go to you parents and begin divorce proceedings from England.

Make sure your girls are well settled in schools in England so he can't demand they go back, set up a routine and a norm for them.

I'm so sorry you're going thro this.

Get yourself a shit hot lawyer, I can recommend one if you need.

Huge sympathy for you.

I cannot see you wanting to stay in Scotland in view of what you have said; his family are not welcoming, you have no job or car and are isolated away from your family. MorrisseysHamster has more or less told you that once you are in England it will be difficult to drag you and the children back. (There will have to be contact but I imagine it will involve him travelling rather than you or the girls).
Yes, take all the documents you need and absolute essentials but it is only stuff you will leave behind unless you organise a man with a van and move out while the cheater is at work. I think long term you will be happier back within a closer vicinity to your family and those who will love and support you and the children.

TWIRLY, are you okay Lovely ?
So much fantastic support for you and your girls, on here.
Even a Scottish Lawyer, and a Police lady.
Let us know how you are, when you can. Thinking of you, and sending you strength. 🌸

His best friends wife. How low can people go.

Hope you have some real life support

Mammyneedsasparday. Are you seriously telling us you're a response officer? You might want to check up on your BOP legislation before making such interesting claims

I'm so sorry OP. I hope you get plenty of support. Remember he isn't your boss. He isn't your friend and he isn't on your team.

Hope your ok op