not another one - jst found out dh having affair

[ernest]

That's it really. Am stunned. Feel like total mug. Had suspicions while back, asked him, he denied it, convincingly.

Shagging some woman at work since September. No condoms. Nice.

Saw am e-mail from her signed 'I LOVE YOU'.

He admitted straight away. Can't answer the Q. what happens now, you stop seeing her

I'm in Switzerland, no real friends, bloody hell, just posting a week or 2 ago about him looking for job in London and maybe us having to leave here.

My head just feels hot and pounding. I feel sick, and trapped and all alone and totally stupid. really fucking stupid. OMG, I've even been packing his case and taking him to airports to go off with his slaggy tarty bitch.

I'd love to phone her dh. He doesn't know. I don't know his number & can't find it.

I am so stupid and alone.

Up till then I'd had a really brilliant day too.

good for you

and remember although it takes two to make a marriage, it was 100% his choice to have an affair

dont let him pile any of that guilt onto you

also agree with others who have said that it needs to be his choice. He needs to show you that he is sorry / wont continue

you sound very determined & I hope that it all works out for you - whatever happens

good luck

earnest i'm so proud of you

i openly shouted "YES!!" when reading about your bank account.

Ernest - you are doing fantastically - plEASE TRY to keep to your resolutions - it will be really hard and you may feel broken down but you need to give yourself some self respect back and show hi you are not a walk over.

OH and I would make sure you are looking tip top at all times - including underwear -

Ernest that's a fantastic post and I wish you all the luck in the world.

It's amazing that even after everything you've been through you're making positive changes and finding the strength to look to the future and give it your best shot.

Stay strong, and whenever you're feeling down or things get difficult re-read your last post and remember how positive you feel at this time.

He's a lucky man to have you as his wife! Don't ever forget that.

So pleased for you

Well done Ernest - hope the weekend goes well, and that you continue being strong!

Good list but depends whether he's prevaricating not sure whether he wants you or her, loves her, is torn adn she's sweet adn welcoming and you have your list and probably no sex on offer or whether he's desperate to come back on bended knees whatever the terms in which case great list.

What a rollercoaster, Ernest. You do now sound so positive and well armed to deal with him. Sounds to me a bit like he wants you to make the decision for him to stay or go, prob as someone wrote, so that he can blame you either way whatever happens. And the "I wouldn't have shagged her if I didn't have strong feelings" is IMO typical weedy bullshit justification of what he knew was wrong.
Her leaving her children? Pah!
You stay focussed on yourself and your lovely boys. You've got 3 under 7, you wrote, and you've got this far with them through pg, birth, teeth, tantrums and assorted joys, then you'll cope fine
Know what you mean about being isolated, took me a while to find my feet in a small German village after leaving loads of expat friends in a city.
Do not start feeling sorry for him, if you start to weaken, tell yourself any pity will have to wait till you're through the other side of this.
Good luck

Blimey ernest, I have tears in my eyes reding your latest post.

YOu raelly are amazing

WOW ernest - you sound so positive, I hope it works out for the 2 of you (well 5 really) but as you say, if not then you have still made some great changes.

Will be thinking of you, it wont be any easy 6 weeks+ but good for you for wanting to try, let's hope your dh wants to try just as much!

Keep us posted. Good luck. :-)

X

Good for you, Ernest! Well done and don't take any more crap from him!

Message withdrawn

I agree totally with megg. That's a fantastic post and I wish you lots of luck ernest

Oh well done ernest, that's absolutely fantastic. I didn't want to say so before, because I really don't want to be in the position of making excuses for affairs, but do you think it's possible that your MIL's illness derailed your dh a bit? I just wondered if there was an element of that, because in a way it would be reassuring. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful woman

Well done ernest,
And remember none of this is your fault, He did wrong HE needs to do a lot of work to put it right, and YOU will not take any more crap from him!
Ernest, YOU ROCK!

Go, Ernest!

Expect him to throw up speed bumps, but if you keep up yuor momentum, and your eye on the destination that you want for yourself and the boys, you will not alow yourself to be impeded by them.

I hope all goes well when he returns.

And that the beast develops horrific pus-running acne all down her face and throat.

ooops no, concentrate on you.

Well, if we are speaking of the Beast, I hope her Bartholin's glands swell till they pop.

we aer all behind you lovey

your boys are lucky

xx

Marina! That made my eyes water just reading it, eughghghghgh

so very appropriate, obviously

ernest, that was an amazing post and you are one fab woman. I hope it all goes OK when he turns up later today. xxx

Kerry, I feel the same. My ex husband was very difficult to be with but having divorced it's much better. You think when you're married that staying together will always be for the best but it isn't always. however in your and my case there were problems we couldn't tolerate any longer. In ernest's presumably she loved and still loves him and probably doesn't want him to go and a lot of couples do stay married and work things out after an affair.

Just briefly to answer your Q, kerrymum, I don't think I'm having him back (or at least trying) becasue I'm scared I'm not strong enough, actually exactly the opposite. I stared down the barrell of single parent hood, looked realistically what would happen and felt reassured it would be OK, that me & the boys would be OK. And with the reasurance of this knowledge under my belt, then felt able to say thst yes, I'd give it a go. I've got nothing to lose.

I was so sad to read your story. While there's no other woman involved, your situation sounds miles worse then mine. Alcoholism is a total nightmare, and to the find yourself pg to boot . Really, you had no choice. I still at this point feel I have, so willing to give it a shot. Plus, I can genuinely see that if it works out, good will have come from the bad situation.

Que sera and all that.

Signing off till Monday now. Wish me luck xx

Good on you ernest. Really hope that things work out

ernest. well done

I wish you every bit I luck in the world ernest.

(I'm in awe of you, I really am!!)