not another one - jst found out dh having affair

[ernest]

That's it really. Am stunned. Feel like total mug. Had suspicions while back, asked him, he denied it, convincingly.

Shagging some woman at work since September. No condoms. Nice.

Saw am e-mail from her signed 'I LOVE YOU'.

He admitted straight away. Can't answer the Q. what happens now, you stop seeing her

I'm in Switzerland, no real friends, bloody hell, just posting a week or 2 ago about him looking for job in London and maybe us having to leave here.

My head just feels hot and pounding. I feel sick, and trapped and all alone and totally stupid. really fucking stupid. OMG, I've even been packing his case and taking him to airports to go off with his slaggy tarty bitch.

I'd love to phone her dh. He doesn't know. I don't know his number & can't find it.

I am so stupid and alone.

Up till then I'd had a really brilliant day too.

Arse {{{{{{{{{{Ernest}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

oh ernst what a bastard. I'm so sorry.

Oh and you have done nothing wrong, take time to get your head together before making any decisions.

oh god, how awful for you - what a git

Ok

Calm down and think.

dont know what to say - just, im really sorry this is happening to you {{hug}}

sweetheart im so sorry {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

sweetheart im so sorry {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

what is it with doing this. total lack of respect imho. im so sorry for you ernest. thinking of you.

cx

I am so sorry .... you are NOT stupid, but the victim of someone else's total selfishness.

oh ernest, I'm so sorry.

what a total arse he is

but think what? I have no income, God, Xenia's gonna love this one, I'm a sahm with 3 kids in a foreign country with no friends. My Grandma had a stroke on Monday and she's in hospital and he's going to London on Friday, so I can't go and see her and it turns out, surprise suprise, she's going to london too!

But that's beside the point. I have no idea of my rights, no idea where to find out what my rights are, no income, no friends, no family.

DO I saty here, all alone In a country I love but with no support, nothing, or return to a country I don't want to go to and put my kids through not only daddy going, but emigrating fgs.

It's the worst thing that ever happend to me x 1,000,000,000,000,000,000

your not stupid, this goes on all over the place unfortunately, usally with those you would least expect. I guess not making any snap decisions is good advice, and don't think about him and her think about YOU! very hard time for you but this is the right place for support especially when friends not around

so sorry to hear, remember you are not alone, so many people on mumsnet have been through this type of thing.
Don't make any hasty decisions, don't panic about what to do next, just take it one day at a time. Is there anyone who can help you out over the next few days with the kids?

Sorry to hear that you h has been so dishonest and cheated behind your back. Don't rush into anything sit back and think about what you want to do!
Your never alone just get on mn where all hear for you.
Ask him what he plans to do - stay or leave?
Once you have his answer you can move forward if he says he's staying this is only possible if thats what you want.
This is nothing to do with you - he's an arse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So sorry that he's hurt you. As for unprotected sex is he mad if she's having unprotected sex with her h then God nows if she has anything - may be go to doctors and get checked. If you and he decide to stay together he should get checked (read in Sharon Osbornes book that Ozzy stopped his affairs when Sharon made him have an AIDS test)
Big hug coming your way x

Oh I Soooo feel fo ryou>
I wish I had some advice or words of comfort but I am so sorry I don't-it'sbad enough being cheated on (been there) but to be in another country with all that is going on just makes me so sad for you.

Sorry for being crap.

Oh Ernest.. so sorry to hear this has happened. Is he with you?

Sit down and think about what you're going to do for the next week or so.. then in a few days try and clear your head to think about what you want the outcome of all this to be.

Has he said what he wants?

I know from experience that there'll be 1001 things running through your head, as well as a sick feeling in your stomach, and it's hard to think straight about anything.

Suppose you need, when you can, to think about what YOU want to do, and how it can be achieved or not.

What has H said about this ? Has he given you any indication of what he wants to do going forward ? (and does that correspond to what you want to do?)

Where is he now ? ..... do you want to talk to him, is he willing to talk to you ?

Unfortunately, you almost certainly won't "sort" this out overnight .... it can take several weeks or even months to decide what you want to do next and you'll probably change your mind several times over before you reach some sort of resolution. I wish I knew what to say to you to make you feel better ..... I know exactly how you're feeling though.

Message withdrawn

As for Xenia "loving" this one .... if she dares come on preaching that your position of "insecurity" could have been avoided if only you had determined to earn much more than your husband and hadn't given up work, she'd probably be hypothetically lynched !

I know this has just happened and i dont know you at all, but is he actually leaving you? If not, would you be prepared to forgive him? I'm not saying that what he's done doesnt stink but tho it may feel like the end of your marriage it doesnt have to be. Sorry if ive offended you. You need to let some time pass and take stock of the situation. If its any help i have a small idea of what you're feeling - my dp had flings years ago (long before we had kids so no comparision i know) which i found out about and was devastated at the time. We also lived abroad, tho i had my own income...somehow we muddled through tho it did kill a little piece of my heart for ever, we're still together.... just waffling here, sorry, wish i could be of more help. Havent you a good friend you could phone?

I know the "how stupid am I?" feeling. But it isn't true, as people keep on saying. You may feel to be in a "stupid" situation, but you were not the architect of it.

Oh you poor love. I don't know what to say except that I can only imagine what you must be going through and know that you have the support of everyone on here. I remember your thread about not wanting to come back to the UK a few weeks ago and my heart goes out to you that you have just been landed with this horrible news at a time when you already have so many life-changing decisions to make. I hope you can work it out. x

Oh Ernest.
I remember your thread about him looking for work in London.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. What a complete and utter arse your H is.