not another one - jst found out dh having affair

[ernest]

That's it really. Am stunned. Feel like total mug. Had suspicions while back, asked him, he denied it, convincingly.

Shagging some woman at work since September. No condoms. Nice.

Saw am e-mail from her signed 'I LOVE YOU'.

He admitted straight away. Can't answer the Q. what happens now, you stop seeing her

I'm in Switzerland, no real friends, bloody hell, just posting a week or 2 ago about him looking for job in London and maybe us having to leave here.

My head just feels hot and pounding. I feel sick, and trapped and all alone and totally stupid. really fucking stupid. OMG, I've even been packing his case and taking him to airports to go off with his slaggy tarty bitch.

I'd love to phone her dh. He doesn't know. I don't know his number & can't find it.

I am so stupid and alone.

Up till then I'd had a really brilliant day too.

Oh Ernest!!!!!!!!!! I'm so so sorry babe I wish I knew what to say that didn't involve chopping bits of his anatomy off!

dh once stunned me(never normally talks about suchlike) by saying "he dindt get men who said they were sorry after an affiar was discovered" and went on to say that he thought the ultimate betrayal was that the woman was ignorant of it and went a long wiht all th excuses and must afterwards feel so sily not to haev rumbled it/to have been osnunderstnading etc as oyu said wiht the suitcase

i agree and totally seewhere you are comign from. you must feel terrible. I feel so depeerately sorry for you. But rememerb HE has done this yto you YOU have not done anyhting wrong. YOU are not to blame and its NO shortcoming fo you that has made him behave that way.

WHAT A FANTASTIC POST FROM NOOKA READ IT AGAIN ERNEST

POST OF THE WEEK IMO

You have to get some omeny behind you - a secret stash. Cream off what you can as soon as possible. If everythingn works out for the best then you an buy yourslef some diamonds - otherwise you wil need it.

You must open a bank account, building society account and wise up to the world a bit. Find out your rights - BUT don't do anything rash yet as you need ot be one step ahead

I am so srry for you what a horrid situation to be in

terrible isnt it beety?

secret stash is a must.

My mate did this, she had a happy marriage but kept a secret stash adn it built up so htat she eentually bought a cottage in the country as a surprise for her dh.

thast wuite a stash!

i miagined her sewing diamonds into a bra

Hi Ernest - I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it must feel terrifying and utterly depressing. I agree with other posts about starting to save money - I'd either set up an account and put as much in as possible without dh knowing (if you think he would object), or use this as a lever to say Right, this is ridiculous, you're a using bastard and from now on I need more independence and that starts with my own money! Not that I'm saying forgive him, but make sure you've got some money behind you so that if you do need to get away or chuck him out, you've got money of your own.

How do you pay for stuff at the moment - do you have a joint account? I know it won't feel like the time to think practically, but trying to do this might give you some focus and as you're starting to sort your life out, it might make things clearer re: whether you want dh to stay (never mind if he wants to - it's whether you still want him around or not, and in what way).

money give you choices - very important for you now

agree and not take the kids ot meet her

ernest you coudl share her email adress wiht a few random strangers or put it ont he back of a loo door in a city centre?

I am so sorry about this ernest.

Ummm, this is probably completely irrelevant but I am sure I heard from none other than Jeremy Clarkson that all car number plates in Switzerland are assigned to people for life and that there is a book you can buy with all plates listed and with the owners details listed too. So if you really wanted to contact the woman or her husband, all you have to know is her licence plate.

But I am sure this information is completely out of place here. I will leave you to those who know what they are talking about and wish you luck with the situation.

Oh god ernest I'm so sorry.

Have read the thread now. Sherlock is right, don't put your energy into the other woman, put it into getting some cash together and deciding what you're going to do next. You don't HAVE to do ANYTHING immediately, don't put yourself under pressure. Doing nothing can sometimes be the right thing to do.

apart from starting a stash www!!!

Yes, apart from the cash, you do have to do that bit, I agree!

Oh Ernist, I'm so sorry for you.
Ok first you have nothing to be ashamed or sorry for, next you need to get your H to talk to you, ask him if he wants to save this marriage (if that's what you want). If he does then he need to have no more contact with this woman, even if that means changing his job.
As tempting as it is to tell her husband (poor man married to a whore ) if he chucks her out then is it likely that your H will go live wit her?
I think you could email her and tell her that you know and you would thank her to keep her grubby little hands off of YOUR husband.
Also get some legal advice, and let your H know that he stands a fair chance of looseing you, his children, his home and a large chunk of his wages.

I would also asked his family for support, even if they have their own problems, if you get on with them and you are a long way from your family.
Also i would tell him work or no work there is no way he is going to London with the slapper.
Do you think his boss might have something to say, as a lot of firms look very badly on this sort of thing?

Oh bless you, I really fell for you sweetie, I got tears reading this! What an UTTER BASTARD shame men who stray & have unprotected sex dont gangerene dicks that shrivel up slowly and painfully!
If I were you I would have to go where people who love and can support me are...
I dont know if thats possible for you? but with people around you who love n care you can get strong again and move on, because you will believe I have helped friends through their darkest hours! and now we look back and say they are better off!

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I am so freaking out here. I asked him who she was and if I've met her (I'm extremely rubbish with remebering names & faces)

I'd gone into his work a few weeks ago and he says she was there. I am so mad. So she was there, looking all glam in her sexy fucking suit and stockings, patronising me, looking down on me smugly with her little secret, checking me out. I feel really freaked out that she's seen me and knows who I am and seen my precious boys. He has treated me like such a shitty scummy thicky piece of shit. How can he seriously expect to make any sort or attempt at anything with me, when only yesterday he was writing to tell her that he loves her madly, wildly, obsessively and that he can't wait to be back with her again and wishes he could always be

Message withdrawn

ernest - my god how totally awful.

Can you get away for a while?

taek your kids and go off

Don't start meking ultimations, go away and let him stew in your silence -

(and don't forget teh money)

Is he worth fighting for? At the end of the day, only you can decide whether you love him enough to still want him after this?