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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please, I am being stalked

205 replies

user1491774393 · 09/04/2017 22:56

Hello everyone. I dont really know where to begin and this is complicated. I am being stalked online and offline, I have also been disgustingly slandered and harassed. Stopping short of deleting all of my social network accounts I dont know what to do. I was hacked a few years ago, and things that I had written went on to be plagiarised, then I was subjected to a smear campaign. This was really bad, It ended up in me having a mental breakdown and attempting suicide. The online harassment is still happening. I already had post traumatic stress disorder before this. I have told the police, I have screenshots of the weird cryptic harassment I am on the receiving end of almost daily. Removing my social network accounts would render me pretty much isolated due to disability. This has made me beyond depressed, It also made me relapse back into having an eating disorder and I am now awaiting assistance from mental health services because of this unrelenting and cruel harassment. Any advice would be appreciated, I just dont know what to do. My children and I had to leave our home because of this, which was a massive upheaval for all of us. This is actually making me ill. Sorry for moaning but you ladies give the best advice.

OP posts:
peggyundercrackers · 11/04/2017 22:50

On a point of detail, i thought that you had to have actual physical access to a computer to install a keylogger. That it can't be done remotely?

yes it can be done remotely but it wouldn't be easy, you need a specific type of access to the computer to do it remotely. its not like in the films where someone presses a bunch of keys and it all happens miraculously and then everything bursts into life... if you think that you've been watching too many james bond films.

NancyWake · 11/04/2017 23:14

OP I am sorry for what you're going through. There has been some excellent advice in this thread.

Leaving all other aspects aside for the moment, you need to look after yourself in this troubling time. I would make an appointment with your GP asap and show them this thread to help you explain everything you've experienced.

Good luck.

GardenGeek · 11/04/2017 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charlyn · 11/04/2017 23:26

You said it all started when you fell out with someone on a forum so it would make sense that it was them? Do they live near you?

Icantthinkofafunny · 12/04/2017 00:19

Peggy, I dont watch films at all, least of all crapola James bond. I developed an awareness of this after weird goings on, also the Lady I spoke to several times at Paladin told me that anything put online, even in pm is not secure or private. I had people (possibly the same person) sending me friend requests and their banner pics where photos I took that I hadn't published online. Logical explanation please?

Solidgoldbrass Nancy and Gardengeek Thank you x

IAll of the memes I have are on a dropbox video, I have shared this online and emailed it but cautions about sharing it here, not because I distrust, but there are some not very nice posters that just give me bad vibes, none of you ladies, just on other threads. It's why I left initially and took a few years off. I do think this is all to do with people from a certain forum. There was a thread on here last night about a similar subject only taking the mickey and some of the things that where written were very similar to things I wrote in an email to someone connected to that site after the bullying, including someone mentioning oh the shame.. Possibly a coincidence but i dont know. How do I post screenshots? Thats one way I can post some of the dropbox stuff. There is no attach option, only smileys, emphasis and links. Initially I did think this was to do with someone close to me, but I don't know. I'm not as smart as I was because all of this has taken it's toll and trauma affects the brain in a rather unfortunate way, hence why if someone shouts at me I turn into a wobbly wreck and I puke. I dont think my dp would do this, but then again I wouldn't have thought anyone could be like that because I'm not like that. It is more than likely people from the internet, hence them going around and asking people that hardly know me things about me.

User7654 · 12/04/2017 00:34

This makes for a very disturbing read OP, so sorry you're going through this Flowers

Priorityseat · 12/04/2017 08:10

Good Morning, how are you today Flowers

WelshMoth · 12/04/2017 08:42

I had people (possibly the same person) sending me friend requests and their banner pics where photos I took that I hadn't published online. Logical explanation please?

This needs following OP. Have they had accessed to your phone? Do they enter your home? Are these pics hard copy's or don't get exist only on your handset? Have they been uploaded.

I know this is hard but have you challenged them about this? What are these photo's of?

WelshMoth · 12/04/2017 08:43

*do they exist

So many typos. Fat finger-itis Blush

Onecutefox · 12/04/2017 09:02

I had people (possibly the same person) sending me friend requests and their banner pics where photos I took that I hadn't published online. Logical explanation please.

Could it be your DH, OP? Could it be someone else close to you? I would put spy cameras in your house OP without telling anyone about it. Someone is very cruel to you and want to benefit from it.

SmurfPants · 12/04/2017 09:05

OP, we're worried about you. Your mental health is clearly under strain at the moment. You may have been discharged from mh services because you were better, but it really looks like the situation you are in is taking its toll on you.

As others have said, I urge you to seek help from your gp. Flowers

Onecutefox · 12/04/2017 09:12

OP, I would definitely start getting suspicious of your DH. You put so much trust into him that from the side it looks almost delusional. Look closer and think in a more rational way. Write everything down secretly, check history on the computer, identify secret browsers, put spy cameras and remember not a word about your new tactics to anyone. Just behave like previously and act.

SparklingRaspberry · 12/04/2017 09:33

If you never published the photos that these people had, then obviously this stalker is someone very close to home who can access everything.

Which leaves your DP.

Unfortunately OP not everyone is who you think they are. There have been several threads on here about how women have found their husband to be spying on them, or secretly recording them. It really isn't as rare as you think.

I'm sorry, I can't see how anyone else other then your husband could have access to everything you've mentioned.

I would start telling him and only him little lies about yourself, but make out you've told other people, and see if it gets around.

But please visit the dr with this whole thread. It's bound to take its toll on anyone.

SparklingRaspberry · 12/04/2017 09:35

Also, you say every forum you were on these people visited. Your husband would know what forums you visit by your web history!

He would have access to your medical history as you've got it yourself.

He will know where you go.

He will know people who know you.

I could be wrong, it's hard to accuse someone who doesn't have the opportunity to defend himself, but it's looking more and more likely to be him.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 12/04/2017 09:37

How do I post screenshots?
I'm not sure if this is the easiest way and I think it's slightly different with different PCs, but on my laptop I have to press "function" (it's the key marked Fn) and "print screen" (marked Prt Scr). That copies the screen as an image which I then paste into Paint and save as a picture. You can also paste it into a word document. But if you get stuck you could always take a photo of the screen. It doesn't matter how you do it as long as you have a picture.

Itaintme · 12/04/2017 09:37

I don't think introducing the idea that it's her husband is going to help the situation .

forumdonkey · 12/04/2017 10:04

OP, I'm struggling to follow it all. You say that a binman physically assaulted you and a shop worker publicly verbally assaulted you because of something that was put on the internet? Did you see what was written? Did it have your photo on there?

For random people, who you don't know to do all that, it must have gone viral. What was you falsely accused of?

NettleTea · 12/04/2017 10:13

why is it not going to help her? She certainly needs to consider everything, and sadly it has been shown time and time again that the person you are relying on the most is hurting you.

I also thought, as the incidents went on, that its only going to be someone in your house or close family/friends. The ability of one person to do the wide ranging things that have been done gets more and more unlikely the more sources are tampered with - so someone hacking your email is one thing, but someone accessing private photos, never been published shows a different level of competance. And then being able to access medical records - this goes to a completely different level of absolute sackable offence, beyond any stalking/harrassment, if it wasnt someone who you had disclosed this information to.

If I were you I would do as many have said and make a non-emotional chronological list of events and take it to the police. I understand that this is hugely stressfull and really upsetting but when you do it you need to be able to tell them whilst remaining calm and focussed, The fact that someone is accessing your private, unpublished stuff, and make comment on medical issues moves this beyond subtle hidden digs.

If someone close to you is doing this, they may not want you posting online or getting support, so be aware that they may have put a keylogger on your computer so they may know you are on here and try to derail the discussion. Be aware that the original 'argument' with the forum woman may not be related, but when they saw how upset you got as a result of it, or if they for some way objected to you developing support and friendship through social media, they realised that the anonymity of the internet could be used against you to stop you having a life on there. Some people have a vested interest in keeping vulnerable people in that position, and your previous abuse may have some implication here. Using rumours of child abuse is very clever, because it is a horrific crime (as you are well aware) which the news of which travels like wildfire and is one of those things that a great many people have kneejerk reactions to, and often will automatically assume guilt without question. Again, the fact these stories followed you from home to home does again suggest that the source, possibly with an outside accomplice, may have moved with you, as these rumours spread better through a small community via word of mouth than online posts - although as above, anonymity of the online posters, and their ever changing/multiple users can attack from anywhere.

Im so sorry you are going through this, but really urge you to remain as calm as possible and go to the police. If you can screen shot any of this stuff - even go back and find previous stuff, then an IP address may be able to be found.

Onecutefox · 12/04/2017 10:22

There's one problem here. Her partner could be reading all of this.

NettleTea · 12/04/2017 10:22

forum donkey I can believe that, given the nature of the accusations aimed at the OP. If you want to vilify someone, this is the worst that can be aimed at them, and vigilante groups have done far worse. Small communities can quickly pass a bit of gossip like wildfire.

Initially when OPs posts were all over the place I too wondered if some bad stuff had happened and she was a bit OTT paranoid, but the later, calmer, more chronological posts have made me completely change my mind.

My personal feeling is that it is someone very close to home who wants to keep OP weak and vulnerable, for some reason. A few years on MN relationships has shown me the really dark side of many people

NettleTea · 12/04/2017 10:26

yes onecutefox I suspect that is true. Or whoever it is who is doing this.

NettleTea · 12/04/2017 10:43

people you dont know asking about you could be the result of the rumours going round, rather than being the root of the rumours - perhaps people who didnt want to automatically jump to bad conclusions. Because the people spreading rumours ALREADY know tons about you, hence the small comments and subtle digs.

It would be easy to set up a fake profile and join a local group on, for example FB. Especially if you are off social media and are not likely to know/see it. It would be easy to sit and watch that group - see who chats, see who seems to be the queen bee, judge who to approach to drop some subtle little hints about a 'new lady' in the village. light the blue touch paper...... watch the local shopkeeper make a nasty comment, watch the binman accidently knock her over (sorry, didnt see her gov, I was carrying a bin)

It would be easy to set up some fake profile and join speciality groups that OP had joined, maybe initially to watch what she was doing/saying online, but later to try to cause trouble for OP

If someone knew OP well then all of what she has gone through would be easy and simple to do, and encouraging the belief that the source was 'out there' to their benefit.

If someone was a complete stranger to OP then this would be a gargantuan, MI5 type hacking and multi-agency project completely out of proportion with an online argument which no doubt would play on OPs mind due to her aspergers (having asd myself I know the torment that can result from social interaction faux pas) I also know Im very rubbish at judging peoples intentions. Aspie women, especially aspie women with previous abuse, often do not make great judgements regarding who we can trust and who we cannot, and we can get caught up and obsessional about the wrong stuff sometimes - its hard to let go of a firmly established belief, even if our own logic thinks it makes sense.

Im not saying specifically that its OPs OH, Im saying that its someone very close to OP, who knows about her abuse, who knows about her medical history and who knows what forums she has been on. Im saying its someone who has access to her photographs, and who knows when she is on social media and when she is not. That may put her DP as front runner, but only OP knows if anyone else fits the bill.

forumdonkey · 12/04/2017 10:44

Nettle Tea, OP has asked for help. I am genuinely struggling to understand from her posts what is happening. OP is posting of her stress this is causing her and wanting help as police are doing nothing. Until we get a clearer picture of what and where the harassment is coming from, how can advice be given? Maybe an outsiders objective perspective could create a chronology which OP could present to the police.

NettleTea · 12/04/2017 10:59

forumdonkey are you aware that OP changed username and continued to relate what has happened. we do know what the accusations were that followed her from one home to another and forced her to move area on more than one occassion

forumdonkey · 12/04/2017 11:01

OP, maybe you're obviously distressed therefore not in the best position to see things clearly at the moment. Perhaps breaking down your posts, posters can help. Even create a chronology to hand over to the police again.
I have also been disgustingly slandered and harassed How?
I have screenshots of the weird cryptic harassment I am on the receiving end of almost daily. In what form are they taking, fb posts, email etc and what do they actually say?
I have had objects left outside my home, What has been left?
I was being threatened with horrible things What were the threats
I have been heckled in public Who heckled you and what did they say?
pushed over by a binman What happened?
friends sister telling me that someone was asking others personal questions about me What did she say they asked?
the theft of my intellectual property, also data protection breaches What were these?
My electronics were interfered How did you notice this?
A lot of my personal info was leaked onto memes. things about my family that I had never spoken of online What did kind of things did they say and how did you come across them?
after my personal info was released what personal info was released and where? Email, name, dob? FB, twitter?