Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Well I've decided to give up OLD again and settling for singledom unless someone crosses my path (haven't in the last 7 years but you never know). Had yet another Tinder match that was a fake to try to get me to some other site. Pointless going on with it.

Keep the faith. I know it's hard going but you have to be in there to have a chance. Even if nothing is happening, that's just the same as if you aren't using it so it's worth it.

Thanks info but it messes with my self esteem/confidence. Be different if i got an occasional date as a glimmer but I've only ever had two genuine matches on Tinder, one of whom had one of my two deal breakers. Last time out i did get a couple of dates with POF but it's all the same people on there as two years ago when i was last on. There's not enough "turnover" of new people. I do think unless you live in a large town or city, it can be fairly tough.

ShatnersWig I'm sorry it's not working out for you. I'm sure you are right about some locations being tougher.

My date tonight was a perfectly nice guy, and I definitely believe that he is honest and straightforward. I don't see any romantic future for us, but I guess that is the likely outcome most of the time.

Shatners, not sure if it's possible depending on your location but if you can find somewhere that does Salsa classes or similar, it will HUGELY increase your chance of someone crossing your path at random. I used to go with my ex, and it was probably 2:1 women to men. Most of all though, it's LOTS of fun and good for you.

I fully intend to go back once I break the psychological barrier of seeing it as something that I used to do with her and makes me miss her, rather than as something for myself.

I've got a couple of irons on the go still. Still talking with Ms Dancer, though very sporadically which is okay for me at the moment. No pressure. There are a couple of other people I'm messaging as of the weekend so will see how that goes.

If they don't pan out though I'm taking a break for the summer to relieve the pressure. Plus I just bought a new car and (sadly) I'm so excited about that that I am finding my interest in dating waning !

Rockluv Ha, I did go to Salsa once or twice but absolutely hated it. I am absolutely rubbish at dancing and I am not going to come off at my best in that situation! Although round here it seemed to be a craze - everywhere was doing Salsa and now nowhere is doing it.

Hello to all.
Marking my place on this great new thread.
I have only just finished reading the old thread as I have been away with DC & friends both adults & children.

I am very much enjoying dating 'by proxy'
There is so much going on in this thread, & brilliant advice & top tips as usual. I hope the sunny weather continues and so do the dates for all on here.

I have one iron.
We have very different schedules because of Easter work & children.
Messaging & Whatsapp-ing.
Have spoken on the real life phone! We have also video/phoned through whatsapp. Bizzarely he looks like his photo!!!
He is sweet.
Doing my very best not to over invest.

Lsoup

However we have a 1st date in the diary.

Salsa sounds great.

A local friend does it several times a week. She has an incredible social life as a result and it also helps her get through her working week as she has a stressful job.

I have crap body awareness & I know for sure I would just look like a dishevelled sweaty betty.

I'd love to do Salsa, wouldn't have the confidence to just walk into a class on my own though and do that. Sounds great though, I can imagine it's a lot of fun and great exercise too.

Anyway enough about dancing and dating, much more important things at stake here. What car did you get RLD?

I have a new car as well.
Well it is new to me.

A little OIK vomitted all over the passenger seat & floor yesterday.

Any top tips so needed today please.

Absolutely gutted L soup.

Hello everyone,
I was on the previous thread and I'm back with an update.
So I did as suggested and sent message with my mobile number and suggestion of meeting for drink/coffee.....and nothing...tumbleweeds..
I did a bit of columbo sleuthing and a few people reckon he's in some sort of relationship. So unless he speaks up, that's the end of that.

Went back on POF which I only do halfheartedly. But this visit was a bit weird, some of the men are quite angry (?!). I don't usually reply if I'm not interested, but I've had a few write back ranting that I've responded. Is there something in the water? Is anybody else experiencing this?

I agree with shatnerswig I'm giving OLD a rest and throwing myself into exercise and might take up a new hobby. Tired of the OLD same old faces and knock backs. I'll probaby lurk on here for a little while and live vicariously through the dating stories on this thread ;-)

Lettuce no suggestions about the vom.. Sorry :-( That's one of those smells you just don't want in a car... Maybe get a vax type thing to clean the seats and upholstery...

Info I bit the bullet and went with my heart not my head. Went for a Golf R... I want this to be my last petrol car so I went nuts. A two year old one came up at the end of last week with all the options I wanted. Test drove it on Saturday morning and put a deposit down. Hoping everything will be ready for Easter weekend ! I might just have driven the sales guy crazy with my "over analytical" approach to financing it... 0% balance transfer credit cards FTW ! £24k interest free loan for 40 months ! He was trying so hard to make me take £5k on their finance and would "throw in two services if I did"... Problem was, doing that would have cost me more than the balance transfer fees and the cost of two services combined ! Never take finance from a garage !!!

Nurse some people are arseholes... At least these guys have revealed that before you went to the trouble of dating them. Shit I know, but think of it as a lucky escape ! I think some people don't know when to take a break and frustration / entitlement gets the better of them.

RLD.

Ok so the guy who was supposed to call me on Sunday reappeared today and asked me for a clearer photo (I had one where my face wasn't in focus). I sent him one, I know he is on whatsapp but he hasn't replied. So clearly he doesn't fancy me. I feel humiliated, I am not the prettiest in the world but hopefully I am decent.

Maybe he expected a model or something? So, so demoralising and disappointing

Heartbroken, there are many different reasons why he may not have replied, try not to take it personally. I think it's good to have a range of photos including a full length one that are realistic then it avoids this kind of thing.
Up until you have had at least a first date think it's good to keep chatting to as many as possible, and be aware people may drop in and out of messaging - there may be something either of you says that means you may not be a good match/ what you or they are looking for and that's fine and to be expected.

I never said I was a model, though. I am a normal 40 years old what did he expect? I am angry now. But thanks for the support

RLD, you've gone for it there man, full on commitment style. I've been tempted to lash out on a Nissan 370Z. I'm a Japanese car guy. I'd love a newer car for a change as usually I don't have interest in anything outside of the 90s.

Heartbroken sorry you're guy didn't reply. IF he didn't fancy you, better to find out now than after a date when it feels even harsher. Just trying to find a bright side.

Also, it's his loss.

Thanks phone for putting 'you're' above when I clearly meant 'your'.

The shame.

Heartbroken the whole thing is brutal isn't it? You have my sympathies.

Pavonia, so so brutal. The only reason why my photo wasn't clear is because my ex boyfriend is on there and honestly I don't want him to know anything else about me. I have quite a common name so even if he sees my profile he won't necessarily know it is me.

But I told this guy that I was normal in my looks, not repugnant but a very average 40 years old. Seriously, what did he expect?

I might be too psychologically fragile for this online dating...

Heartbroken The thing is that OLD by its very nature is very visual. And after all, for most people, it is a physical attraction that catches us first and then it's things like personality and values that turns physical attraction into something more. This is why everyone generally says you should have a selection of photos and a full length one. It wasn't unreasonable of him to ask for a photo where your face was in focus and it's in everyone's interests (but especially yours) to put the best in focus photos you can get on your profile.

heartbroken - I'm afraid it does sound like it.

Like I said before, online dating can be brutal. People can insult you, disappear, shag you and disappear, cheat on you and try to steal your money. There are weirdos, fetishists, sub/Dom wannabes, lovebombers, ghosters, catfishes, marrieds, serial polygamists, and there are, scattered among that lot, some genuinely lovely decent people.

If you're this upset by someone who just went quiet, then you probably don't have the necessary thick skin to deal with all of the above.

Incidentally, I think I'm one of the decent ones, but I've been guilty before of asking for a photo from a woman who'd contacted me, sounded interesting but didn't have a photo, and then she sent one and she was just plain ugly. Another one was okayish but not my type.

The first time this happened, I replied and said she wasn't my type and she replied with an angry response. The second time I just didn't reply.

You've got to have good photos, and more to the point you've got to be mentally prepared for rejection after rejection.

heartbroken when I started OLD I had only two photos and in both I had sunglasses obscuring my face (my ex had taken all photos including digital copies).
So I spent a couple of hours one day with a friend, trying on lots of outfits and taking masses of photos until I had a few that I liked. It made a big difference to the number of messages I got.
You can do it yourself with selfies. It's just bit trickier.

I had date 2 with Irish Guy on Sunday. Drinks, chat, and he ended up coming back to mine. DTD several times, talked a lot more. It was really nice. Sexual compatibility was particularly good compared to some of my dates! And I think I could end up liking him a LOT though trying not to over invest. Next morning wasn't awkward, and he messaged me at lunchtime to say "last night/this morning was amazing" and that he'd like to meet up again.... have been ghosted a few times including after dtd so that was nice and we texted more through the afternoon just general chat. I'm having an op tomorrow and will be recovering from that so not sure exactly when I can see him but it'll be next week. Feeling nervously excited about this one!