Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I didn't know you could do that. I think I'd find it a bit odd if someone did that to me, but I doubt I'd be cross about it, though I don't have kids. Mind you, his profile shouldn't be open and he shouldn't have linked his number to it - I've just searched on my mobile number and it doesn't bring me up as I've never linked it. If someone did find me they can only see my profile pic and cover pic - good reminder not to have your kids in your profile pic I guess!

That's his own fault for having that stuff visible to public. He needs to rethink his social media security settings.

One my FB as a non friend, you see my profile picture and my cover picture and that's it. Absolutely nothing else.

Yeah that's same as mine Infosec you cant see anything unless a friend. It can be as private as you want it to be.

I definitely dodged a bullet I think but as they say 'plenty more where he came from'

I now have another iron.....

I think it is perfectly reasonable to look someone up on Facebook for any reason. If a guy I am messaging wants to meet or exchange numbers I try to find them on Facebook for reassurance that they are genuine.

By the way, it's not true that if you look up someone on Facebook you will appear on their People you may know list.

Maybe next time you Facebook stalk just don't tell them you've done it!

Losingdory yeah lesson learnt !!

Hi all. I am on pof, tinder and happn. I have been for 2 years now almost. There seems to be very very little men in their 30s who actually want any kind of commitment. They all just want one nighters or fwb!

I have been on loads of dates with those claiming to want the same as me - only for me to find out they arent or we just arent suited anyway.

Even someone i actually know is on there. We spoke a lot at one point, as friends. He has just changed his from wanting a relationship to no commitment!
If i only wanted sex id be sorted. Its so frustrating

pavonia - the bloke i was recently dating/fwb with kept mentioning his exes name. I instantly thought of someone i went to school with but thought the chances were slim. I viewed her page on facebook and it was her! An hour later she sent me a friend request.
So i think it shows up in people you may know section

Am I being paranoid? The guy I've been talking to suggested meeting up to go to a thing we had been discussing, but the days he suggested were weekdays and it would have to be daytime. Most people probably can't go out on a date on a weekday afternoon at the drop of a hat. Do you think it's a red flag that he didn't suggest a weekend, or is it a perfectly sensible suggestion on the basis that we don't know each others schedules?

Nipple I find the same, I am 35, I tend to date older men because I find the ones in their 30's don't want to commit. I have been on a few dates with younger men but find them quite childish, a lot of them still like to go out a lot (not my thing anymore) and play the Xbox.

POF is a nightmare for me at the moment, I get a messages every couple of days but usually from someone not remotely atractive and someone who has nothing in common with me, they obviously haven't read my profile and have just looked at my photo. I only have one Iron at the moment and I'm kind of pinning all hope on him (I know I shouldn't).

Nipples that is odd. Are you sure you didn't like a photo or click on a link in her profile? I'll look into it again, but from research in the past I was convinced that it was anonymous.

There are many stories out there on the web of people who have said they talked to someone offline briefly that they'd never met before and shortly later that person appeared on their people you may know on FB and it had totally freaked them out. Yep, that's because they looked you up.

I looked up the girl from my local estate agent and she appeared on my people you may know, so it stands to reason that I'd appear on hers too.

I definitely didnt click on anything on her profile.
Im glad im not alone on the men not wanting to commit. I also have one im pinning hope on but im losing it as he seems to be distancing. He also doesnt want to meet for weeks which i find odd. I tried dating someone in their 20s and he became quite obsessive. Messaging constantly trying to arrange to see me again. Telling me he would come for a walk with me and my kids if i struggled with a sitter. I had no choice but to ghost him. I did tell him he was too much before i ghosted.

As for someone mentioning it being a red flag only being able to date through the day... i wont date on a nighttime. For the simple fact im not arranging babysitters for what will most likely be a time waster ha. I prefer through the weekdays on an afternoon after work at some point. If i like someone enough i will manage to squeeze them in on a weekend, through the day.

Info no, it doesn't "stand to reason" that because you looked someone up and they are on your list as a result, that you are on theirs.

Nipples was she a friend of a friend via the man? That would potentially make a difference.

Also isn't whatsapp now linked to Facebook (owned by the same people)? So if you are chatting to someone on whatsapp they may appear on your 'people you may know' list? It has happened to me, I don't give out my surname and I don't even use my correct surname on Facebook anyway so there's no way people can look for me but people I have spoke to on whatsapp have appeared on my list.

I knew her from school so we had mutual friends. Not him though as i am not friends with him. However, she was not in my people you may know section. I may have been in hers before or after i viewed her. It just seemed strange that within an hour she friends me.
She hasnt said anything so i dont think she knows i was sleeping with him. She might do and just isnt bothered. She ended it.

I think if your contacts show up in people you may know.

No problems Pavonia. I work in information security and ethical hacking but I don't know what I'm talking about ☺️. Can agree to disagree.

I have my phone number linked to Facebook but I haven't uploaded my contacts on my phone to it, that might be the difference? I can't see the guys I'm talking to on WhatsApp in my people you might know list.

Nipplesunited I haven't been on a date yet trying to sort out one but looks like it'll have to be next week due to childcare.
I wouldn't want just sex, what's the point of talking with ppl for ages just for that? I would have thought men in their 30s were lookung to settle down more but I still go out and play Xbox.

What's App is owned by Facebook. That covers why the connections happens between those two.

I want to add a scenario I had. Dated a girl a bit from POF. Before we went to WA, I looked her up p on Facebook. Found her profile and had a little nose around.

She then messaged to say I'd popped up in her friends you may know and she was obviously surprised.

Sorry if my post above sounded arsey, just I've worked in this field for years including social engineering.

Well Mr Private (guy who doesn't dumped me for nosying on fb) messaged me this morning apologising for flying off handle but just shocked n thinks he needs to get with the times! I apologised for invading his privacy and so the date is now back on for tomorrow night!

I'd pencilled in another date too but I really like mr private so I'm gonna have to cancel other

That's good news, glad for you.

It's definitely a reminder for him that anything you put out there can be seen :)

Info perhaps we could conduct an experiment? You could set up a new Facebook account not connected to anything and then send me the ID via pm. I can visit and we will see what happens.

I think there is a lot of misinformation and anecdote on the web about this sort of thing.

I'm genuinely interested to put it to the test as I don't want dates finding my Facebook before I'm ready to share, the reason being that I'm self employed and my full contact details are easily found once my full name is known.

Fortuna I don't think you should have apologised, but you're probably a nicer person than me!