Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I definitely don't want to give things another go. I wouldn't not see him as a friend but after the message I ignored about him choosing the wrong woman, clearly he has an agenda. Ugh, I don't know - as a Brit, I'm conditioned to apologise to everyone even when not my fault!

I just had to google that too anna

Eww eww eww

I replied to MrSurgeon to say asking questions is OK, but he didn't really try to get to know me (I had previously turned down his offer to meet) and, as a result of that, he tells me he is now even more interested in me.

He's a bit of a twat, frankly.

pringlecat what you put in your 2nd to last post doesn't sound rude to me, to the point maybe but you could say/text that to him.

Good luck lana just go with It, if that's what you want.

AnnaNimmity I have no idea what dd/LG is will look later when DD is in bed.

Plentyoffishnets I don't think you're being a prude. If you're not sexually compatible then that's a deal breaker. I'm surprised it wasn't something he mentioned quite early on but his attitude sounds a bit arrogant/ presumptuous IYKWIM?

I've only sent standard text messages to Mr Boxer, does avoid that whole WhatsApp issue; I use WhatsApp for friends so it's good to know your "I'm home" message has been received, but may turn it off aside from nights out. But totally get the paranoia induced by "last seen".
My next date with Mr Boxer is on Wednesday, would like to see him sooner but that's when I'm next free due to childcare/work. We added each other in Instagram yesterday but I'm cautious about social media so mainly use FB for pictures of DD and so don't add certain ppl.

Allthembuckets I saw a standup tell a good observational comedy joke about waiting for the 'one tick, two tick, blue tick'. It definitely has its advantages and disadvantages!

AnnaNimmity I also had to look up dd/lg. Wow. Every day is a school day...

LanaDReye Ooh! Positive news about Mr Bike. Keep us posted. When are you seeing him again?

Replied to Beardy then after he huffed at me, I blocked him. Life's too short for any drama.

Anna just googled it too 😱 wow!

Pringle that's a good way to think about it. Block, Next

Well so far date is still on with mr ideal date. He text this morning saying he's on his way back and will speak to me later so I'm waiting for later. I'm at work till 6 so I will text him then. I hate the predate nerves although I never usually get them on a second date!

minop First dates are nerve-wracking because you don't know if you'll like each other. Second dates are fun because you've got past the 'screening' date and there's none of the pressure that there is on a third date.

I have to say I don't feel anxious at all about wildcard. Which is new. And nice. He's a big big texted anyway, but I think in my own mind, the moment I do feel anxious I'm going to walk away. It's never worth it. I was in a relationship with someone whose texting tailed off when they lost interest. I won't ever put myself through it again.
Anna I'm frightened to google, but also curious!
pringle I always think it really improves self esteem when you get rid of anyone who isn't enhancing your life. Block, next is a great strategy.
Have fun with Mr Bike, lana. Glad it's going well!

Big texter that should've said.

pringlecat best thing to do, too much drama otherwise.

minop good luck for later.

I can't comment as I haven't had a 2nd date yet! Well, from OLD. The last RL 2nd date, I wasn't nervous per se more worried about things like falling over going up the steps in the cinema! Slightly concerned about eating on Wednesday as I appear "normal" but my dexterity isn't good on 1 hand and, if I'm at all stressed, my hand shakes. Just wanting it to not shake might be enough. Grr, I hate having to explain it!

Farontothemaddingcrowd do you get anxious easily? I know availability can be an issue, I can answer my mobile and text at work mostly, which a lot of ppl can't do.

Just got home and phoned him, he only got home an hour ago but is very happy to see me tonight so best freshen up and off I go. I'm a planner so hate if there's not a plan in place or if plans change. My issue and trying to be cool about it but it's hard. Plus I've had a few cancel second dates so I'm always worried it will happen again!

Pringle well done on blocking beardy.

AnnaNimmity also had to look that up. RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!

Faronto Wildcard sounds ace! It's good not to feel anxious about being with someone.

My ex contacted me again and I seem to be seeing him tomorrow. (so much for getting over him to move onto dating). I think I need to write what I want to say to him and fix down my boundaries. (I CAN BE STRONG). Amazingly I'm not feeling anxious about seeing him. (Months of meditation might have worked!)

I do suffer from anxiety actually. My last relationship he'd not text me for five days sometimes. I have always been super anxious with dating. But I don't seem to be anymore. I am happy with my life generally and wildcard doesn't make me feel anxious at all. I think sometimes we think the problem is in ourselves and it is the relationship that's actually wrong. Also I think you have to let go of your attachment to the outcome. I know it might not work out with wildcard and I'm OK with that. I want to enjoy right now and see what happens.

Good approach faronto

Most of us want to think our new relationship is our last one, but people only ever get one of those in their life.

I've had several dates with MissCivil. It's nice, it's fun. I don't know if we'll end up living together and wandering off into the sunset together, but I like spending time with her and chatting to her, and won't try and meet anyone else until things haven't worked out with her. So, less anxiety than in my last relationship (so far) and less stress.

That doesn't sound massively enthusiastic, Bant! What makes you doubt it'll work out?

Anna -I had to look up SS/lg too. Now I like to think of myself as pretty open minded and would jump at the chance if the right Dom came along but that is just gross. Eww, eww, eww 😱

*dd

doI yes I'm happy with a bit of that too But daddy stuff. No!

biddy I've seen you on that other thread, so can empathise with you - good luck tomorrow. I'm completely in that place too, so can understand.

bant glad it's going well with missCivil. Who knows where any of this will end up?!

Well I left my date at 8.30 thinking no fucking way. Missing my ex and thinking bloody hell *** why aren't you with me. Anyway home now and in my pjs and feeling ok. although slightly (very) pissed but not too unhappy about the whole experience.

doI I googled ss/lg and some lovely fridge freezers came up! Then I realised it was dd/lg. Yuck. I am not into any of that. My previous relationship used bdsm as a cover for him being abusive, so no thank you to any of it, but I see it can work for some.
Hope you are feeling OK now Anna a depressing date can make you miss an ex.

oh I'm fine far just pleased to be home for the next few days - haven't currently got any more dates fixed up which is fine (MrUniversity has messaged me today though). I told tinder guy I wasn't into DD/LG too(!).

Farontothemaddingcrowd I think 5 days would have an effect on the most relaxed person! I agree about it being partly the relationship/person. I worry a lot more now than when I was 18, but I've had a lot more exposure to ppl lying/ommitting things etc which then affects my perception/expectation.

Now I'm worried about googling dd/LG!

allthem yes, it took a while for me to realise that the reason he hardly ever texted was because he didn't love me. I guess the sex was good so he didn't end it. Two years in he was going out to sleep with other women that I had messaged for him as part of a bdsm dynamic apparently. And then telling me about it to humiliate me. The poor women didn't know. Having come out of that I'm fairly bullet proof. I promised myself that no man would ever reduce me to that again. And they won't. Weirdly I have actually been able to talk to wildcard about some of that and there's been no fear of judgement.

Farontothemaddingcrowd what an arsehole I will never understand why anyone acts deliberately in a way that will hurt others like that.

He'd never admit he was wrong. I think he genuinely believed he was a good person. It culminated in him taking one of those poor unsuspecting women to a wedding and messaging me while shed gone for a wax.

I told him I had taken her number from his phone and that if I was a bad person I would send her all the screenshots of our conversations. But I wasn't a bad person. I asked him never ever to contact me again. Thank God he didn't. I'm a completely different person now. He used to put me down all the time, so I ended up a nervous wreck around him. Then he went off me because he liked strong women...
I had 5 months complete recovery and I feel I can do anything now. I've told wildcard I think he's lovely, but I need his continuing loveliness to give me empirical evidence of that...you never really know anyone. But yes, I am.stronger because of what I went through and I think I've done a lot of self searching. I know now that I matter and my dignity and self esteem matters. And those things are more important than any relationship or date. So I promised myself that if those things are ever compromised, I will walk away. I have done it and I will continue to do so. I think once you know you can recover, then there's no reason to ever feel trapped.

It makes me so as all ppl who behave badly seem to view themselves as decent ppl. Anyone outside the situation can't believe it. Relationships like that wear you down and can make you weary of others. I keep telling my mother that not all men are wankers, but I don't think my ex's behaviour helps!

I wouldn't introduce anyone to DD until we were in a serious relationship, would hope I'd be less accepting of any "questional" behaviour IYSWIM bcs I want to set a strong example to her. So, not taking any crap!