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Original poster

Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

999 replies

InfoSec21 · 09/04/2017 19:52

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Nipplesunited · 27/04/2017 20:51

I also wouldnt want to see him again dieu he really should have listened the first time

Lovemusic33 · 27/04/2017 20:53

Dieu I wouldn't even bother messaging him, he bviously cant control himself and will do it again Sad. Hope you are ok x

Dieu · 27/04/2017 20:56

Just had the following text from him: So sorry about before Dieu. I feel wretched :( xx

Well, so do I, as until then it had been a lovely night Sad

Not sure if there is any way back.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 27/04/2017 21:00

No I don't think there is Sad. This is the early stage when he should be on his best behaviour.

Biddylee · 27/04/2017 21:03

Dieu Sorry to hear about that experience. Not just uncomfortable but confusing. I would let this guy go (please). Ignore the remorse. I'm sure he is but is that guilt rather than regret?

Polarbearflavour · 27/04/2017 21:06

Mr Navy Officer has been messaging nicely, said he is looking forward to date two but hasn't indicated a day as yet. He isn't the best messenger in the world as he can't use his mobile in the office during the work day.

Mr Scientist said a friend of his has sadly died and has sent me the odd message but don't think this one is going anywhere.

Haven't heard from Mr Train Driver since the day after our date.

OutToGetYou · 27/04/2017 21:14

Dieu - I think I'd call it a day there. My ex never understood the word no, if they can't understand at this early stage when they're on best behaviour then later, when they think they own you because you're in a relationship (and they have "neeeeeds"), they will just do that all the time - and it corrodes your self-esteem and makes you feel of no value.

He's genuinely remorseful because he realises he's fucked up I'm afraid, not because he knows he's stepped over the line with you per se.

OutToGetYou · 27/04/2017 21:20

Last few messages from MrSurgeon went like this:

Him: Hi...hope you are having a nice day...xx [thisTue about midday]

Me: [Late evening same day] Hi - I actually had a really busy day, which is unusual for me at work.
How was yours? x

Him: [Mid evening next day] Mine was fine, just came back from the gym...So do your children live with you..and do you cook for them..??

Me: [two minutes later] I don't have any children. [I rechecked my profile, this is clear]

Him: [9am today] I think ....I would like to see you in person..you sound like an interesting lady.. let alone pretty...so would you like to meet up with me for coffee..??

I dunno, he seems disjointed and like he's doing me a bloody favour! Why did he ask that about 'my' kids? There's been zero real engagement with this guy, he clearly loves himself a lot.

So, it's a no from me I think.

Pavonia · 27/04/2017 21:31

out probably talking to several people and got in a muddle. It's nice to feel special isn't it?!

Dieu really sorry you had to go through that.

Biddylee · 27/04/2017 21:45

outto does sound like he's busy. I would let that one go. NEXT!

pringlecat · 27/04/2017 21:56

Oh, Dieu. I'm so sorry you had that experience. You didn't consent and he ignored you. No, there is no way back. This is not a man who respects you and not a man you should let into your children's lives - and if you're never going to be able to integrate him into your family life, there's no point taking this any further. Flowers

Lovemusic33 · 27/04/2017 21:58

Just chatting with someone on POF, he was someone who I matched with a while ago but I wasn't sure if he was my type. He seems really nice, he's ten years older ( which was one of the reasons I wasn't sure ) but seems to share a few of my interests and seems normal ish. We only exchanged a few messages and then he said he had to go to bed as has to be up early. Maybe he will message me tomorrow, maybe not.

Still trying to pluck up the courage to ask out the one I chat to on Facebook.

OutToGetYou · 27/04/2017 22:18

Oh, I should add, while he says he's a surgeon, he's not working as one currently, so his busyness isn't the job - he's currently 'investing in property', whatever that means, having come back after working abroad for 7 years. The only thing he's said he's actually been doing is to go to the gym.

Pavonia - that's what I thought. Any normal bloke with a bit of rapport I'd make a joke about it but I couldn't be bothered with him.

MrOi.....'hey miss chatty'.....'zzzzzzzz' etc etc is still at it, about three messages a day along these lines.

OutToGetYou · 27/04/2017 22:19

LM - I thought you said you preferred men about 10 years older, or was that someone else?

CoverMeLadsImGoingIn · 27/04/2017 22:41

I'm watching "Murder On The Internet", which is really helping 🙄

Dieu I'm so sorry; that's not great. Boundaries are so important and I agree with PP that overstepping them so soon (at all, actually) is a definite no no.

LoveMusic I'd say go for it with Mr FB (in fact I am!) but I know I'd be rubbish at making the first move. So do as I say not do as I do 😉

LanaDReye · 27/04/2017 22:46

Sorry to hear things aren't going so well dieu, out and nipples. This dating business can be hard confusing, irritating,bizzare work.

I met Mr decorator today. He's a lovely polite hard-working man, we could have chemistry. He asked to meet again. He's the opposite of Mr Bike socially. Mr Bike is a bit of a loner, Mr Decorator has lots of friends and very very busy. I sit in the middle so both options seem different to me!

I cant give all my time to Mr Bike, but not sure if Mr Decorator will have time for me. Mr SciFi may be more in the middle.

I'm still writing to two more. One was v chatty but seems to be annoyed that I can't constantly write. The other is recent split and I think on the rebound.

Dieu · 27/04/2017 22:56

Thank so much for your kind words everyone. First thing I did on arriving back home was to post on here Smile. You're a lovely bunch.

pringlecat · 27/04/2017 23:03

So, I regularly go out for dinner with Mr RLHunk's friend, Mr Dumbbell. A lot of my friends are male and I prefer to socialise on a one-to-one basis with my friends of both sexes - I'm naturally introverted so often get lost in a group. This is normal for me.

I've just realised Mr Dumbbell pretty much thinks we're a couple. By we, I mean Mr Dumbbell and me. Ugh. He's a good friend and he's really sweet, but I am not attracted to him in the least and I never will be. We take it in turns to pay, he keeps making comments on my looks and I've just realised he keeps finding excuses to touch me. Take your minds out of the gutter. I mean, touching my arm after telling a joke, things like that.

He's invited me out to drinks tomorrow with a large group including Mr RLHunk. Mr Dumbbell will be horrified if he finds out I have feelings with Mr RLHunk and Mr RLHunk will be horrified if I turn up, I'm sure. I mean, he's trying to make a go of things with someone else, he doesn't need to see me.

Why can't I just fall for the easy option? I hate dating.

pringlecat · 27/04/2017 23:05

Dieu If you ever need support (and the full horror may not hit you for while) either post here or PM one of us. I'm sure we'd all be very willing to listen if you need a sympathetic ear off the board. Flowers

CoverMeLadsImGoingIn · 28/04/2017 00:21

Pringle that's the question, and it's one I've been asking myself. Sometimes all the time , for me, easy = dull. Which translates to hard work = compelling.

Done a bit of reading on Repetitive Relationship Syndrome. It's helped.

FreeNiki · 28/04/2017 00:44

How do you approach relationships if you've never really had one in your late 30s.
It's not really gonna be a huge marriage and dc now is it.

lettucesoup · 28/04/2017 01:38

Oooh dear Dieu that does not sound great.
I hope you are okay.

I have just caught up with the last twenty posts or so, my work and other stuff is busy at the moment. Delighted to hear about date action happening here.

The iron I have met once is still away with work, he has emailed a few times and also whatsapped. He seems keen to meet again. I guess I just have to be patient and see if his return to the UK actually translates into date two!

Hope all here have a great weekend whether there is date action or not.
My dating by proxy continues!

Lovemusic33 · 28/04/2017 08:07

out yes it's me that prefers older men, I try and go for ones that don't look their age though, this man looks his age or even older but looks friendly. I will see if he messages later and maybe try and arrange meeting up at some point.

Dieu hope you are ok today, it has happened to me a few times, in fact I think I attract these kind of people, it has now made me very wary about who I meet and where we meet, some men seem to ththink no once they have kissed you it gives them the right to do what the hell they like. Please don't message him, just ignore him, block him and find someone who has more respect for women.

Pavonia · 28/04/2017 08:26

LoveMusic I'm currently messaging someone seven years old than myself who sounds nice. On his profile he describes himself as retired. I'm not sure what I think about that. Retirement feelings like a long way off for me and I wonder if it makes us incompatible.

missmove38 · 28/04/2017 08:53

Biddylea thanks! Yes I had the same..few intense months with someone yet I look back and wonder what the hell I was doing. He was lovely and I miss him in ways but know we weren't meant to be..sad really.

Dieu..not making excuses but alcohol maybe?..was he pretty drunk? It really doesn't excuse what he did. What's he like normally? If you think just one of Thales moments then see how he is next time you see him?

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