Dating Thread 116 - come join us!

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Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Second date with Mr Naval Officer Tuesday Dinner again and hopefully some more snogging in his car!

Dieu I'm sorry this happened to you. Hope your feeling ok about it all. There's getting caught up in the moment and scaring someone. He crossed a line and I hope he learns from this

Miss and biddy I had the same too. Looking back I was swept up in it all but glad I'm out of it as he would have been abusive down the line. He messaged me on pof this week saying he still loves me and has every photo of us still. On his profile he's wrote that he had his heart badly broken Christmas Eve. Deleted and blocked! We only dated four month!!!

dieu hope you're ok today. Very unpleasant. I wouldn't see him again as I'd always be wondering if he would do it again.

outto as we are looking in a similar area I wonder if your Mr Surgeon is the same person I was chatting to a month or so ago. He said he was working overseas for a while but wanted to start a relationship when he returned. He would randomly disappear in the middle of chats or answer questions that I hadn't asked.
"What's your favourite food?" Answer - purple.
It was obvious he was chatting to lots of women at the same time and couldn't keep up.

I had a surprise visit from Mr Gym on Wednesday evening. I would say he only came over for some late night sex but we also spent a lot of time talking. Especially about my work which has been very stressful recently. Seeing him again Sunday Eve and for a day out on Monday.

Good luck to everyone on dates this weekend!

I found another amusing/scary dating article:

www.ironyisalifestyle.com/living/2015/10/6/6nhdl565miyus7bwcq5ytkykdmwbf4

Dieu hope you are OK today. He should have stopped at the first "no". IMO, that would be the case regardless of age (as In, I would have expected that when I was 20) or level of drunkenness.

pringle and cover I'm the same and have been for years! It's so annoying.

I had a good date last night with Mr Boxer, snogging was involved
I had butterflies in my stomach, just feel a bit paranoid due to the 2nd date shambles with Mr Decorator as I agreed to a 2nd date with Mr Boxer on Wednesday evening. Which is just my own issue so I wouldn't mention anything to him.

Pavonia retirement might sound scary but think of the fact that you don't have to arrange dates around his work? Lots of people are lucky enough to retire early.
I have messaged him back, I'm going to call him Mr Normal as we have joked about there being a lack of 'normal people' on POF. Hopefully I will get a message from him later when I finish work.

RunnnyMummy - sounds possible doesn't it?

He said 'sorry for all the questions but he likes to get to know someone before meeting them' - well, yes, but my point really was that he hadn't 'got to know me' at all, he was assuming stuff about me, or muddling me up with other people, then he made out like his decision to meet me was some great honour. He can FO!

MrGym sounds great!

Hello, can I join?

I met someone in POF around 2 months ago and it's the first OLD in a year that has stuck and seems to have 'legs'. I'm ridiculously attracted to him. We' be been in several dates - all very low key and relaxed. I can sit in silence with him and feel completely comfortable. I'm beginning to fall for him and was wondering if anyone would mind giving me examples of OLD red flags I should be looking for?

doIdontI All sounds good. Just keep a bit more of a guard on your heart as it is still early days.

pringle, cover and allthem I seem to always pick some kind of bad boy (man) type usually with an addiction issue ( I looked at the sort of people I am friends with and have been friends with when I was a child and there is a certain type that I like - eccentric, mischievous, adventurous, risk takers). I AM DOOOMED.

I also think there is some reflection of the type of personality that you are too.

Favourite food being purple has made me laugh 😂

Well, turns out Mr pizza is into bdsm. He is a Dom and wants me to be his sub. I am not into that thing at all. Like to think I am open minded but think by now I would know if it was something I like or not. We get on so well but don't think can get beyond that. It's not something I want to try and think is something that is impossible going forwards if we are sexually incompatible . His messages are increasingly sexual too so don't think he is seeing it as anything long term.
Another interesting character met and got to know through old!!! Another lesson learned!!

plenty sorry things have gone pear shaped with Mr Pizza, I have met a few Doms looking for a sub, one didn't tell me until I slept with him, I didn't feel comfortable with the way he wanted to do things at all, it's not my thing, I like sex to be 50/50 and for it not to feel like I'm someone's bitch , I avoid anyone that mentions being a Dom.

Ah, well, never mind Plenty, you're right, it wouldn't work.

The sex was pretty good, but not sure how long it would be for him if that's what he's in to. He texted some stuff I was not comfortable with and I said that, instead of apologising said that was nothing. Cannot accept that. Such a shame. You think you have met someone with potential...

Meant to say thanks guys. Is so great having this thread here x

Plentyoffishnets From experience, if you find a partner's preferences baffling, you can only play along for so long. You don't magically change what turns you on to match. So if you're not into the same things as Mr Pizza now, that's not going to change later. Sorry to hear you're not compatible.

DoIDontIhavethetalk Rather than give you a list of red flags, let me direct you to the rules, particularly 3 to 6 in the original post. If you think a date does something strange, don't try to justify it. It is strange - trust your first instinct! You don't have any background to possibly explain it away.

When you go with your gut and shield your heart for as long as possible, you run the best chance of keeping yourself safe and happy. You are going to have your heart broken at some point, but this gives you the best chance of escaping with a flesh wound rather than ending up in critical care.

Thanks pringle, I am pretty open minded but couldn't see myself being into that type of relationship and would see anything that's not vanilla as being something discussed sensibly or unveiling itself naturally within a loving respctful relationship. He is very presumptuous and direct and I am not liking it! Maybe I am too much of a prude!!

Plenty what a disappointment when everything else was good.

Maybe use OKC if it works in your area as doms etc are on there but they are upfront so you dont waste your time

Dieu Sorry you had to go through that. Its the kind of thing easier in old time dating when you might have some background on them. But with none I think I would always be worried what he would do next.

Date 2 with Mr Social Worker tomorrow. Have been getting on well and chatting and laughing a lot meanwhile. All other irons faded away for now but I'm super busy so actually suits me.

Had a busy week, just catching up with the thread. So I managed to stay off OLD for a whole 3 days!!' I didn't reactivate tinder or bumble, too much effort as had deleted accounts, but only hidden on POF. Anyway been chatting to a guy who lives in the next village! This is unheard of for me! Never married and no kids and younger, not what I would normally go for but as local thought why not. We get on really well, had quite a few telephone calls one lasting 1 1/2 hours!!! Just not sure I'm going to fancy him! Date tomorrow night, fingers crossed there's a spark!

Hello everyone. So much to catch up on dieu sorry you went through that. I had something similar happen - I was very drunk though and kind of encouraged it a bit - and it really shocked me.

I've had 2 dates with MrUniversity - not sure I fancy him though. We've got so much in common, I think too much actually and there's no spark. I'm going to carry on though as I think my previous mistake is seeking excitement which has meant dangerous men.

I matched with someone on GSM, and gave him my phone number so we could switch to whatapp. And he phoned me out of the blue! We chatted a bit and I'm meeting him tonight.

I'm trying to get over someone else, so I'm not entirely sure I'm in the right place for dating and also not sure what is happening with that other person, but think for my own good I need to try to move on.

And I've been reading about attachment styles. Has anyone read about these? It's fascinating - basically we need to try to avoid avoidant people (if we want a relationship that is - we could well be avoidant ourselves). I think I'm an anxious attachment style (or maybe my last boyfriend just made me like this) which exacerbates all the what's app stress.

I did the same. You lose a little bit of knowledge, but you lose a lot of potential anxiety

Quick update. About to have date 3 with Mr Bike. Things were very heated yesterday . Think I've got myself a relationship again and wondering if I should have dated other too but I fancy Mr Bike like mad .

Beardy has just texted me asking to meet up. I do actually have plans today so couldn't meet him if I wanted to. But what do I say to him?

I feel blocking him would be harsh. But there's no polite way to say 'you chose her, things didn't work out for you, that's sad, but I know you have an agenda and I don't feel like spending time with you so you can try to talk me into dating you instead.'

thanks both. I've changed the settings already so I can't see when they were last online. I can see when messages are read though still. I'm ok at the moment as I'm NC with the man I care about and I'm not invested in anyone I'm dating.

Have had another message on GSM today which looks promising, and a message from someone on tinder which I was quite pleased about until I read his profile. He says he likes dd/lg which I had to look up (clearly not a good sign)! I can say categorically, this doesn't float my boat at all.

Lana good luck on your date - sounds really exciting!

pringle why do you have to be polite to him? Can't you just say, sorry Beardy, I'm not anyone's B list, good luck with what you're looking for. Alternatively give him another go (I would, but I think I have boundary issues....).