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Original poster

Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

999 replies

InfoSec21 · 22/03/2017 17:44

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
QuarterMileAtATime · 07/04/2017 16:58

Or Bleachy then Grin

ShatnersWig · 07/04/2017 19:08

Definitely time to give up Tinder. Another match today that turned out to be a fake trying to send me to some other website. Had more fake matches than genuine ones.

Original poster
InfoSec21 · 07/04/2017 19:13

Tinder is very hit and miss, depends if the fakes are bearable or not.

I tried to get back on OKCupid today. Never worked for me before but I figured the have to be in it to win it thing. I'd deactivated it last time.

Sign in. Sorry this account has not been registered. Hmmm ok.

Join up. Sorry this email address is already in use.

Idiots.

OP posts:
Princessmollygolly · 07/04/2017 19:14

Thanks all. Reassuring on the date venue thing. However, I am now feeling a bit edgy because I replied explaining I have a big wisdom tooth operation next weds and so will be out of action for the rest of that week, but could potentially meet this coming Sunday eve or Tuesday eve, before the op. We really hit it off so I wanted to try and see him before my op, but in an ideal world I could be a bit more cool and say I wasn't free til next thurs/fri. Blush so I went ahead and sent that text and it's been a couple of hours now, he's read it but no reply and I am (perhaps irrational!) worried I came on too strong by suggesting date 2 only a few days after date 1! Arghh don't want to mess it up with this guy already!

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 07/04/2017 20:17

Awww I like bleachy Smile

Princess I wouldn't worry too much. I think if you like someone, you should go for it, and it doesn't sound like you have been OTT, you have just simply suggested dates that work for you.

I always wait until I have a definite answer before I reply, so maybe his delay is in checking he can make it. I wouldn't worry, if he wants to see you, he will reply and you two will figure out a time and place that works. If that doesn't happen, he wasn't the one.

Princessmollygolly · 07/04/2017 20:29

Thanks once! I hope so! I don't want to seem pushy. I did explain the wisdom tooth thing. otherwise what with my op recovery and childcare issues it's likely I won't be able to meet him again for over a week which seems quite long in the OD arena (plus I like him!) my text was lighthearted and I just hope it didn't seem over eager even if I am haha

motheroreily · 07/04/2017 21:22

Thanks all. I knew mr11pm was a bad idea I just needed some encouragement.

Anyway, it's not yet 9:30 and I'm thinking of going to sleep so glad I'm not getting rready to go out

heartbroken40 · 07/04/2017 21:33

Sorry another question. He asked me to tell him why I broke up with the current guy (sad, sad story but would explain a few things). Shall I tell him? He told me he will tell me about his divorce.

motheroreily · 07/04/2017 21:56

I'm not an expert at all heartbroken so you may want to ignore me!

But I'd say something vague without going into details. I'm now wary when people give too much away too soon. Obviously you want to get to know someone but I am wary when people talk about their issues and problems in detail early on

heartbroken40 · 07/04/2017 22:16

Thanks mother. Oh this online dating is so hard. Thing is I lied about a few things at the beginning l, I told him I lied and now I want to be totally honest. But the full story is really not pretty. Oh dear this online dating malarkey is tough!

OutToGetYou · 07/04/2017 22:57

I don't think that why I split with someone is anyone's business and unless they have about a month to sit and listen to all the nuances of how relationships go then they'll never get the full (one-sided) story anyway, so I just say "things didn't work out, sometimes they don't" or something like that.

It has the advantage of being true and covering everything. I wouldn't actively lie though, but if I did, I wouldn't tell them I had lied as it seems to me that's making out there is some huge issue - which, if there is, you really don't want to be chewing over it with a potential new person.
If you need to talk about it, get counselling.

motheroreily · 08/04/2017 08:11

outtogetyou has given exactly the response I'd say. It's truthful but not not going into detail.

heartbroken40 · 08/04/2017 08:23

Thanks all. I think being single has some advantages, online dating is tough, tough, tough

RunnnyMummy · 08/04/2017 08:26

heartbroken my marriage break-up wasn't pretty either. But I just say that over the years we changed and became different people and decided to go our separate ways. That satisfies most men I've met.
Only Mr Gym on date 4 asked a bit more. I think he was just curious as he's never been married. But even then I was quite vague. Although I did reassure him that there wasn't any nasty business still hanging around.
What happened is between me and my ex-husband and I don't want to share it with anyone.

heartbroken40 · 08/04/2017 09:08

Thanks Runny. Thing is I am unlikely to have children due to stuff that happened in the past and I think he wants children (although he has a son). So I need to say something about that. Oh how difficult and I tend to agonise on things which doesn't help.

Princessmollygolly · 08/04/2017 10:23

Ahh I'm jealous of all their on dates 3.4 etc! Struggling to get past date 1 (or date 2 in rare cases!)
Current fave iron is Irish Guy who is beautiful (and the accent doesn't hurt either!) In my earlier post I was worried I might seem full on by proposing we meet only 3-5 days after our first date, because I have a big dental op in hospital next week with recovery time then at away Easter weekend! He texted some hours later saying he was happy to do Tuesday but then I realised my op was 9am weds and it would be silly to go to the bar we had planned on Tuesday eve as I can't drink alcohol before the op! So I had to go back and say "actually Sunday is the only day that works Blush" (or, obviously, after Easter!!) spent an hour stressing about it and then he just texted saying Sunday was fine! Phew....
argh the dating minefield! Plus side I think this guy is pretty great..
anyone got dates lined up this weekend?

RunnnyMummy · 08/04/2017 11:50

I haven't heard from Mr Gym in 2 days. After dinner at my house on Wednesday he seemed keen to see me again.
So I asked if he wanted to go out on Saturday evening. But he replied that he'd already agreed to go out with friends. That was Thursday morning. Since then I've heard nothing.
I want to text him but I feel like that would be chasing him. And although I have no reason to think he is seeing other women, I realise I have a long way to go before I can trust anyone again.
He's never been married, no kids so has no commitments to anyone. Why he would want to be with me, I don't really know.
Not sure how long to leave it before contacting him?

HidingEyes · 08/04/2017 11:56

Don't contact him RunnyMummy.

Bant · 08/04/2017 12:22

I thought you'd said he couldn't see you in a week after dinner on Wednesday, runnny?

Was it just dinner, or more than that?

Him going quiet for two days isn't a good sign, but there's not much you can do apart from send a non-needy message, a funny observation or something related to something you talked about. Not asking when he's next free, just being interesting and amusing.

HidingEyes · 08/04/2017 12:24

don't agree with your last suggestion Bant. et him show his interest! he already knows RunnyMummy likes him - she cooked dinner for him and asked when she could see him again! enough already!

HidingEyes · 08/04/2017 12:25

Let him show his interest! I meant to say.

Biddylee · 08/04/2017 12:34

runnymummy Recent experience taught me that a man with no kids can be very laid back about timing because they don't have to organise the responsibility of parenting around dating.

Two days feels long but I wouldn't text - sorry it has gone this way - I hope it's nothing to worry about. Keep busy - go and enjoy the sun! And remember rule 7 - you are the prize!

Mumfun · 08/04/2017 12:35

heartbroken not what you want to hear but I would see your lying as a red flag and not continue chatting with you.

Also I do think it is reasonable to ask not immediately but within first 5 dates or so why you broke up with last partner. And also marriage (s) if you have had them. Having been cheated on and gaslighted I prefer to date people who havent cheated in past and have navigated their relationships in a decent way. Of course I know a lot of people wont be honest but I think you can have the conversation.

And Runnytough and horrible. Would send one light message as Bant said but let go otherwise.

OLD who would do it ? Wine

RunnnyMummy · 08/04/2017 13:15

bant it was dinner and more! I didn't think I could see him til next Wednesday because of childcare problems. But was offered the opportunity to go out Saturday eve so I thought I'd ask him. I'm not bothered that I can't see him. But it's the silence I don't like. For three weeks we've exchanged texts every day. Now I get nothing for two days.

I asked him to dinner at my house and then I asked if he was free this evening. So as much as I want to contact him, I feel like I'm doing all the chasing at the moment. He knows I'm child free from Wednesday and over Easter, so I'll just have to be patient.

Polarbearflavour · 08/04/2017 13:22

Well I'm off on date number 2 with The Doctor. Feeling nervous - don't know why? He's really nice. Argh I hate dating.