What is your opinion of my husband from this one example

[spaghettigirl]

Yesterday evening, I was tidying the kitchen and lifted up a bottle of wine he had opened to clean the surface. Unfortunately, the whole thing slipped through my hand, it smashed and it went all over me and the floor.

I can't quite shake off that he went out of the room to sit down on the sofa while I cleared it up by myself.

It was a silly accident but if it was him I would have helped him.

Obviously there are many more dickish things he has done but I felt so unvalued and unloved at this point.

That's pretty nasty: I'd not think much of him, did he not even ask if you were cut?

Stop helping him?

I think it would be unreasonable to judge him based on this one incident.

Perhaps he was ticked off and wanted to keep his distance instead of loosing his temper.

It would be unfair to judge him based on this alone.

He sounds like he's cold-hearted and doesn't respect or love you. He definitely doesn't see your marriage as a partnership.

It wouldn't happen in my house and I have a lovely husband. So therefore, I can only deduce that yours is not quite so lovely...

I'd have had to go sit down if dh dropped my wine too. Plus I reckon if an adult makes a mess they're capable of cleaning it up. So in isolation it's a nonicident.

What other things has he done/not done?

From that one example he sounds selfish, uncaring, humourless and lazy.

I'm not sure how helpful this is going to be for you though, OP, because it's impossible for strangers on the internet to judge what kind of man your husband is by looking at one miniscule snapshot. But if you feel unvalued and unloved then that would suggest he is not being a good partner to you at the moment.

I think you can still lose your temper in a 'fgs what have you done?' But then calm down and help. The fact that he walked off and say in his arse is very cold.

I'd think I couldn't judge anyone on such little information.

My husband would have picked up my best and most loved tea towels and tried to help mop up the mess. Would certainly not have walked away and neither would have my kids.

In fairness if my partner or I dropped something we would just leave the other to clean it up. We're both more than capable and sometimes two people trying to clean up the same thing is just a pain
I wouldn't judge either of you based on this incident!
Unless of course you were injured and he knew that!

Did you ask him to help you?

Hard to judge on that one example. I know that on those odd occasions when my wife has smashed a glass or bottle my natural instict is to tidy it up myself so that she doesn't get cut. That may be old-fashioned but it's not that i don't think for a minute she could manage herself it's jyst that I'd rather take the risk than her.

So he didn't try to suck the wine out of your clothes? Weirdo.

I would have cried if DP had broken a bottle of wine. I would have sworn a lot too.

Not very nice of him but did you really need help cleaning up tbh ....

I'd have been upset with dh and probably yelled at him if he'd dropped my newly opened nice wine. I also wouldn't have helped. In our house if it's your mess you tidy it

I wouldn't of helped if DH had smashed my wine, unless he asked for it. Even then I would think, can you really not manage to clean up a smashed bottle by yourself??

Agree with merry. I'd never expect DH to clean a mess I had made.

I could imagine this reversed.

" my DH dropped a bottle of my wine and it smashed, he's seen his arse because I didn't help clean it "

There would be a lot of comments along the lines of

• he's a big boy he knows how too clean.
• he needs too grow up

Wouldn't bother me if I spilt something and my husband didn't come bounding over too help.

What's the saying... No point crying over spilt milk - in your case wine.

I would walk away and leave my DH to clear his own mess if the situation was reversed.
Not a two person job in my opinion.

One of us would have grabbed an old towel while the other one started picking up big bits of glass, then one would have swept the little bits and the other wiped down the floor. Of course whoever s wine it was would be cursing the other one for dropping it and the other one would probably offer to go out and. It another one.

This would happen in my house but only because my kitchen is tiny so if one of us is in there the other isn't

He would probably nip out and buy me another bottle as I cleaned it though

This alone doesn't mean anything. Cleaning up a smash is a one person job. I wouldn't have wanted him around in case he kicked the glass around further or cut himself. But he should have checked you were ok and not cut yourself.

However, the fact that you've posted this means there obviously is a context and background. But without them, this incident in isolation doesn't really mean anything.

Well said.

could imagine this reversed.

"my DH dropped a bottle of my wine and it smashed, he's seen his arse because I didn't help clean it"

There would be a lot of comments along the lines of

- he's a big boy he knows how too clean.
- he needs too grow up

I couldn't agree more on the fact that it would be a different set of answers if the roles were reversed.

Way too much double standards and it's often that attitude that leads to marital problems. Thinking one is right at every given opportunity, based on gender.

One grown up fully functioning adult, is more than capable of cleaning up a spilt bottle of wine.