What is your opinion of my husband from this one example

[spaghettigirl]

Yesterday evening, I was tidying the kitchen and lifted up a bottle of wine he had opened to clean the surface. Unfortunately, the whole thing slipped through my hand, it smashed and it went all over me and the floor.

I can't quite shake off that he went out of the room to sit down on the sofa while I cleared it up by myself.

It was a silly accident but if it was him I would have helped him.

Obviously there are many more dickish things he has done but I felt so unvalued and unloved at this point.

Erm, you dropped it. You were cleaning it up. If I drop something I expect others to move away in case of smashed glass etc. I think 'feeling unloved' is a slightly melodramatic reaction to something which doesn't mean anything.

Why just one example? What are you trying to prove to yourself?

Seems really weird and rude.

If my wife dropped something I'd offer to help and definitely have a short conversation along the lines of "are you ok? Do you need a hand?" Etc but would most likely be sent away as it's probably easier to clean on your own and I'd expect vice Versa if I dropped something.

If she literally said nothing, walked away and sat down to watch tv without a word said I'd be left thinking "why the fuck are you so mad over an accident, I hardly decided to smash glass and spill wine everywhere on purpose"

Based on that one example, if it had happened in our house it would have gone something like this.

Break bottle
Husband telling me to move away as I never wear anything on my feet and he wouldn't want me to cut myself.
He would sweep up the glass while I went to put something on my feet and then I would come back and clear up the liquid.

I know this as it happened recently.

Why is everyone assuming he was pissed off about the wine getting spilt? Op didn't mention that, just that he didn't help her clean up
I'm not sure it takes two to wield a dustpan and brush?

I think dicksplash.

However, I feel sick around broken glass and unless I'm the only adult I have to walk away from it too.

My DH slipped down the stairs through an old (not safely glass) front door. While he was away getting stitched up I had to phone my dad to come and pick up the glass. There was blood dripping from the shards, it was gruesome, in my defence. I'm the same with a broken wine glass though.

I'm not no assuming that about the dh just to be clear flogging.

But that's just what I'd think if my dw reacted that way as it would be out of the norm and how I'd expect a partner to react in the circs

I just find it odd that anyone seeing someone else surrounded by spilt wine and broken glass wouldn''t say "Would you like any help?"

And I find the suggestion that he walked off because it had made him so angry that he had to go and calm down even odder. And sadder. And worrying.

There's 2 clear camps here.

We don't all see things the same way and some of us can see and appreciate that without it being sinister whilst the others think that anyone who does not think the way they do is not 'normal'

The op is quite sparse in it's detail. Op hasn't said her DH didn't ask was she ok, expressed anger at the breakage, etc,...
Just that he didn't actually assist at the cleanup. People are filling in the blanks with a load of shite, frankly.

"Unvalued and unloved" Jesus Christ....

Nasty!!
My FIL did something similar like this with my MIL- The washing machine in their kitchen was faulty and it overflowed during a cycle and while she was mopping all the water etc, my FIL merrily sat in the living room, watching TV. On asked why he didn't help, he said the kitchen was her domain so why should he interfere? My FILs an MCP and your husband sounds the same.

So ... now OP sulks and ponders on imagined slights by her DH ... you could make a movie out of all the passive-aggressive "kitchen drama" here. I think OP honestly should get out more. Not only is she wasting her own time and energy, but all the people reading this ridiculous thread.

Actually, OP hasn't been back. I think every single poster on here should get out more!! (I've just come back: from the pub). Pathetic thread.

I just find it odd that anyone seeing someone else surrounded by spilt wine and broken glass wouldn''t say "Would you like any help?"

It's not odd at all. It's not delivery of a bed that is a two man person job.

Spilt wine, glass on the floor... She obviously wasn't bleeding or I'm sure that would have been mentioned.

This isn't a case of right or wrong. You spill a bottle of wine... Clean up the mess and be done.

If I had a bottle of wine open, ready to drink and my DH spilt it, I don't consider it such a crisis and he can clean it up. Having ascertained he wasn't injured, I'd be expecting it to be replaced.

Little things become an issue, when the marriage has bigger problems.

I'm another who finds it odd, that someone wouldn't offer to help in those circumstances.
My mum once dropped a whole bottle of red all over the kitchen floor and between laughing (me) and swearing (my dad) we both jumped up to help her clean it up!

That said, I'm one of those weird people who see, people dropping shopping or struggling with prams and doors etc and I offer to help!! My boyfriend jokes as where ever we go I always seem to run into someone who needs some kind of help, we once went round four aisles in the supermarket getting things a elderly lady couldn't reach! Well he did, I'm only 5,3 but it was me she asked.

The natural thing to do in these circumstances is ask if you're ok, then offer to help clean up. I would be surprised if that didn't happen and it would make me feel sad as well. I'd offer to help anyone, not just DP.

I think if this made you feel 'unvalued and unloved' then there must be something more to that than just this one incident. Straw that broke the camel's back, perhaps?

If DH or I broke the other's wine we would both say "Oh, shit! Are you OK? Need help?" and the response would most likely be "No, it's OK I've got it". Unless we were barefoot, got cut, or were really drenched or something.

Let's be honest that's not normal is it?
I would help a stranger if I saw that happen.

For a glass smash I think the fewer people involved in clearing it up the better.

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread unless people are being sarcastic?!

Getting out or the room if someone smashed glass is only reasonable. As others have said, the fewer people involved in cleaning up, the better.

Not asking whether OP is okay, however, that was not normal. I can understand that that would make her feel unloved. Very weird, there must be some info missing here. Can't imagine any normal person would just walk out without a word.

Vestal ,
Yes that's my point .
You don't just walk out of the room.
More info is definitely required.

tinytemp

You can hardly compare a bottle of wine smashing , to a washing machine over flowing and leaking everywhere.

I've read the op again - she doesn't actually say whether he asked if she was ok or not...

If my DH did that i would be happy he was out the way so i could clean it up according to my own logic rather than two of us trying to do it in different ways.

A dropped wine bottle will cover a large area with glass and wine and in my opinion is cleared up much easier by one person. If i shouted to him to get me some more paper towel or the dust pan and brush and he didn’t do it i would be cross, but i wouldn’t be cross about him going and leaving me to get on with it if it was me who caused the accident in the first place.