What is your opinion of my husband from this one example

[spaghettigirl]

Yesterday evening, I was tidying the kitchen and lifted up a bottle of wine he had opened to clean the surface. Unfortunately, the whole thing slipped through my hand, it smashed and it went all over me and the floor.

I can't quite shake off that he went out of the room to sit down on the sofa while I cleared it up by myself.

It was a silly accident but if it was him I would have helped him.

Obviously there are many more dickish things he has done but I felt so unvalued and unloved at this point.

If DW broke a bottle of my wine I would at very least offer to help.

Unless, that is, she'd been in a huff while cleaning up which contributed to the carelessness. In that case I'd give her a look walk out of the room and let her get on with it because otherwise, I would be educated as to why the wine decorating the floor was somehow was my fault.

I wouldn't have expected DH to help me in that scenario. So leaving to go and sit down in the other room wouldnt have bothered me.

HOWEVER, he wouldnt have given me 'the look'. And he would have asked if I was ok (very easy to get some cuts from the glass that has flown all over).

I suspect that it's that that is making you unconfortable rather than the leaving you deal with it (after all you are the one who broke it)

Would my DH ask if I was okay and offer to help? Of course. Would I expect him to and get all pissy when he doesn't? NO, I'm am adult. Look at me...adulting! ...cleaning up all by myself.

Anyone that requires 'help' probably have more issues than a broken bottle.

If the tables were turned and it was the guy that had dropped it expecting help I'm guessing the replies would be something like...
"Oh my god! What a nob! He's a big boy I'm sure he knows how to clean up a broken bottle of wine. What if you'd got cut while helping him? "

It sounds like there's much more to this.

Sylvannas "It sounds like there's much more to this."

well yes. Did you read the last line of the OP?

that said, I think of all the mishaps you can have around the house, broken glass is pretty major and I wouldn't dream of not offering to help.

Though this thread has shed some light on something - my mum dropped and broke a vase at my home - she was so upset, at the time I wondered if it was about something else - but now I think perhaps she has experienced people who would just expect her to a) just "adult" and clean it up alone b) wouldn't care if she was hurt c) might wander off and watch TV while she cleaned up.

Dunno why folk are still banging on about being an adult and able to clean up your own mess; that's not the issue, it's the fact he is showing the OP ZERO CONCERN - I'm so glad I'm not the kind of person that can just walk away from that..

Interesting points, although.
I wouldn't personally compare breaking a vase in someone else's house to breaking a bottle of wine in my own. Different circumstances totally.

I read the original OP goldfishjane. That's not what I was referring to.
It isn't clear in the original OP whether OP showed concern for breaking DPS bottle of wine and apologised. I'd have certainly been very apologetic. If the OP wasn't perhaps this might be why DP didn't offer to help. Or perhaps they had an arguement prior to the bottle breakage. There's more to that particular circumstances I would guess.

Sylvannas "I wouldn't personally compare breaking a vase in someone else's house to breaking a bottle of wine in my own. Different circumstances totally. "

I can see why you wouldn't but my brain just says:

person breaks item, item is made of glass shatters everywhere

general human decency dictates people around should be concerned.

clearly other posters don't agree - anyway I'm off out so won't keep on about it, but OP I hope the other bigger things general arsehole husband work out okay - however they need to be fixed.

general human decency dictates people around should be concerned

But he was stood on the same room and could see she was alright

I honestly don't understand couples that don t show each other basic courtesy. Why not be nice to each other? "Oh no- do you need some help?" "Oh blimey- shall I get out of your way?""I'll nip and buy another bottle for when you've finished" Just something kind.

Dp once dropped a casserole as he was getting it out of the oven- I can't imagine just leaving him to clean it up without even offering help or sympathy..........

I honestly don't understand couples that don t show each other basic courtesy

Because basic courtesy to me is getting out of my way to let me clear it up and to calm down at the disappointment of wasting wine. DH is the same. He hates dropping stuff and finds attracting attention from his mistake beyond irritating!

This thread and the 2 different sides reminds me of the differences between me and my DH when it comes to being ill.

He wants to be looked after, I couldn't think of anything worse!

So I look after and lovebomb him. He knows to leave me alone and that I'll call if I want anything but can poke his head around the door every couple of hours but not engage in conversation.

Neither of us can claim that everybody should be like us, we appreciate others feel differently and I don't think it's that difficult to do.

Interesting. Ex h would have left the room I think. Current dp would definitely help.

Actually current dp would do it so I didn't cut my hands!!

My exh would have done the same

Any accident happened was down to my carelessness an my fault. An accident to him was never an accident and therefore I needed punishing for them and no help at all

Bastard

My mum is very clumsy and split some wine and broke a glass just the other day.

Current DP helped to make sure no one was hurt.
That's what nice people do.

That is why my dh is no longer living here!

This is bizarre, I would help or offer to help clear up. I am really surprised at the people who think leaving the room without doing so is normal. But then I don't drink, so I don't get the stress about wasting wine either. It was an accident.