What is your opinion of my husband from this one example

[spaghettigirl]

Yesterday evening, I was tidying the kitchen and lifted up a bottle of wine he had opened to clean the surface. Unfortunately, the whole thing slipped through my hand, it smashed and it went all over me and the floor.

I can't quite shake off that he went out of the room to sit down on the sofa while I cleared it up by myself.

It was a silly accident but if it was him I would have helped him.

Obviously there are many more dickish things he has done but I felt so unvalued and unloved at this point.

Not sure about this, obviously there is a back story.
My dh is very clumsy and i don't always help him to clear up, nor would he necessarily help me.
Usually he tells me to leave it but our kitchen is very poky and we would get in each other's way.
In all other ways we are kind and considerate to each other so it doesn't say anything about our relationship.

You asked us about this one isolated incident. It seems odd to me to now come back and say 'actually there's context that makes this worse for me'.

I did say in my post there was other dickish behaviour.

I was just wondering if people thought that on its own was mean.

Based on this one incident I would think he was saw you as a domestic.

No matter where I was or who I was with, at work, at home, even in a shop, if somebody standing next to me dropped something I'd feel inclined to help.

I know it depends on what went before but in isolation it sounds like he sees you as domestic staff

In contrast if My DH smashed a bottle of wine on the floor I may well help him, but if I felt he expected me to automatically do it for or with him, I'd be pretty pissed off and think he was treating me like a domestic.

How does expecting people to clear up the mess they made themselves mean they are being treated as staff?

No, if he had dropped the wine and called op in to clean up; he'd be seeing her as domestic staff, Mutella. What bollocks!!
She was cleaning up her own mess, it didn't actually need two pairs of hands.

I was just wondering if people thought that on its own was mean.

You didn't even tell us if he asked whether you are okay.

The general consensus is that cleaning up smashed glass is a one person job, but the done thing is to ask whether you hurt yourself.

It rather depends on what he said before just walking out.

Sorry you see it that way floggingmolly.

Spaghettigirl, you're not wrong. I left an awful man and I wouldn't even date somebody who'd just walk away without a backward glance while I dealt with an unexpected task alone. Because I wouldn't leave somebody else to do that. I want somebody who'll treat me as well as I'd treat them. You can get that.

And I think it's sad that you don't, Mutella. But there we are...

Can't believe how apathetic some folk are on here; I mean, it's glass, it cuts; to not even ask if that person is alright; it's not about cleaning up their mess, it's about showing a bit fucken concern, not hard.

I'm really surprised by some of these answers
someone drops and breaks a glass bottle and you don't even think to ask if they are okay? Or look over them for any glass? etc etc

Jeez, is this what happens when you live together a long time - familiarity breeds contempt and all that? well actually it's not - my father is horrible but even he'd stop to ask and help with a smashed bottle.

Its not apathetic at all, not to need to grown adults to pick up one smashed bottle!
Jesus some people are precious. You're not a baby, if you need help you ask for it, if you cut yourself, you say so.

Some women don't hope for very much in a relationship that is clear.

I'm glad I am not so precious as to not even ask the person who has just smashed glass all over them, if they are ok, it costs nothing, and takes no time, it's literally, 3 words!

Some people seem to think there is some sort of virtue in not extending common courtesy to their partners. It's very odd indeed.

Op Has Not Said That This Happened. Or didn't happen, rather... She's here now, why don't you ask her? Flouncing off without checking if she was hurt is not good. Leaving her to attack the mess with a dustpan and brush is perfectly fine, and not domestic servitude.
Everybody filled in the blanks themselves

No, I took her word at what she said, he basically said fuck all and walked off.

To clarify, he just gave me a look, left the room without saying anything and sat down in front of the tv with his glass of wine.

He has broken things in the past and I have helped him to clear it up without question.

Some women don't hope for very much in a relationship that is clear

Actually some of us have fucking great relationships that don't depend on a man rushing to our aids like damsels in distress because we clearly can't clear up a bit of fucking mess we made ourselves!

What bizarre ways to evaluate relationships.

What's 'damsel in distress' about wanting someone to acknowledge the smashed bottle and check if you're ok before leaving you to clear it up?

Personally, I don't class a glass bottle as a bit of mess, I class it as a danger as it can cut deep when the glass goes flying; it's not like dropping a pancake now is it, lol.

This is getting ridiculous; guess nobody is right or wrong but I certainly won't ever change from asking anyone if they are ok after glass has broken all over them. Nothing to do with expecting a man to rescue me ffs; talk about twisting it all.

As I thought though OP; he clearly has switched off from giving a fuck.

sorry OP
what I get from this is he gave you a look because he was probably annoyed you dropped it.

I haven't read any of your other posts but just this one doesn't sound great.

If someone dropped a bottle anywhere - friend's house, restaurant, I would immediately the check the person hadn't been cut. It's basic humanity.

Agreed, Adora. A wine bottle dropped to the floor - and an almost full one at that - would make a hell of a mess and probably a lot of noise too! It's not overly fussy or pandering to check someone's ok after that, in my opinion.

I dropped something at work not too long ago and my colleagues' first reaction was to run over, ascertain that I myself wasn't hurt, then help me clean it up. No, I didn't need help to clean it up and could have done it on my own, but that's not the point.

Whether or not it is, its ridiculous to suggest that people have low expectations in relationships because they can clear up after themselves.

OP if you have a problem with your husband, say so, don't fanny about with silly guessing games that have no meaning at all.

Again, it's not about cleaning up mess; it's about showing concern; two entirely different things.

If I did it and my partner simply gave me a look then disappeared to another room, then yes I'd expect more from my relationship.

But, that's based on it being a good one, the one OP is in doesn't sound like that.