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Original poster

What is your opinion of my husband from this one example

167 replies

spaghettigirl · 22/03/2017 17:31

Yesterday evening, I was tidying the kitchen and lifted up a bottle of wine he had opened to clean the surface. Unfortunately, the whole thing slipped through my hand, it smashed and it went all over me and the floor.

I can't quite shake off that he went out of the room to sit down on the sofa while I cleared it up by myself.

It was a silly accident but if it was him I would have helped him.

Obviously there are many more dickish things he has done but I felt so unvalued and unloved at this point.

OP posts:
DrizzleHair · 22/03/2017 20:04

We'd have had a conversation "Oh shit! Need help?" "No, I'm fine I've got it."

If he or I just walked off without offering to help or sympathising that would be weird.

^ this. I can't tell if all the other replies automatically assume a conversation or are literally saying there would be no words spoken, no 'shit, you ok?'. I don't necessarily need help cleaning up a glassy mess but concern and an offer to help are very appreciated. If I was home alone I'd be fine solo, if I had a friend over I'd expect them to show concern and offer to help too. Doesn't mean I need help

supercue · 22/03/2017 20:05

Bertrand I agree that grown ups shouldn't lose their temper when someone has an accident.........except when they drop your bottle of wine.

HermioneJeanGranger · 22/03/2017 20:05

Meh, I'd just think he was getting out of the way so you could clean it up.

But then, our kitchen is too small to fit two people without getting in each other's way, so with glass all over the floor, it'd be safer for one person to do it alone.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/03/2017 20:14

I can't really judge him, as I would have been glad he'd gone into the other room.
I wouldn't have wanted him in the way, and if he'd stuck around, he may or may not, have felt the wrath of my tongue ! 😂
Unless he has form for being mean or lazy, I don't see this as an issue.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2017 20:15

You offer help, even if you know the other person isn't going to accept it. Because that's the kind and polite thing to do. And you don't lose your temper over an accident. Even an accident to a bottle of wine. Hmm

gamerchick · 22/03/2017 20:16

When I smash anything glass I always shout "Everyone stay where you are! please just reach me the dustpan and brush and don't come in here without shoes on!"

Yep with a grab the cat on the end.

I suspect this is about a wider issue OP?

kingscrossnoodle · 22/03/2017 20:17

Is it a probelm? I'm quite surprised so many people think badly of him for staying out of the way after you broke some glass. What did you what him to do?

Chewbecca · 22/03/2017 20:19

My DH would definitely have helped, may even have taken over the cleaning up. I do have difficulty reaching the floor though.

It's an interesting point to me though as despite my H being very 'helpful' from a practical perspective, I do feel unloved sometimes (often?) too so I don't think him helping would necessarily reverse the unloved feeling. Maybe my DH shows his love in practical help & this is a helpful reminder of that.

forumdonkey · 22/03/2017 20:27

Seriously?! I can't believe some of these comments and that you are so upset by it OP. I'm a grown ass adult and if I spill something I clean it up, I don't feel the need to get assistance from someone else. If you felt like you needed help, why didn't you just ask him.

supercue · 22/03/2017 20:30

I would be pissed off if DH dropped my wine, but we have been happily married for a very long time, so it wouldn't be a big deal. I would leave him to the cleaning up, especially if it was red, and he would be relieved to do it alone without me moaning at him.

Something tells me that the OP isn't in a happy marriage.

supercue · 22/03/2017 20:32

PS. I would have to redo it afterwards anyway, because he would miss bits.

frieda909 · 22/03/2017 20:37

If he literally just walked out of the room without saying a word I'd find that very odd and rude.

If he walked out saying 'I'd better go in the other room, I'm just in your way standing here, let me know if you need anything' then obviously that's a whole different thing.

If this happened to me with a bottle of my partner's wine then I'd be very apologetic and insisting that he leave me to clean it up and let me go buy him a new one. He'd probably say no, though, and help me anyway.

Those saying 'you can clean up your own mess, what's the issue?' seem to be missing the point I think - it's just thoughtful to make sure someone's ok after an incident like this before you walk out of the room!

Nancy91 · 22/03/2017 20:37

If my OH smashes something I let him clean it as it's not generally a two person job and he doesn't want me to go near it and cut myself because of his clumsiness. Equally if I smash something I clean it up. Just from this example your husband sounds... normal?

TedEriksen · 22/03/2017 20:38

DW has managed to smash three of the four lovely wine glasses we got for our anniversary in wine-related/induced incidents - each time I cleaned up, including repainting the wall which was stained up and down with red wine.

isadoradancing123 · 22/03/2017 20:48

You are not a child,surely you are able to clear up

Mo55chop5 · 22/03/2017 20:50

This thread and a lot of the answers slagging off the husband are pathetic. Fuck me....

Taylor22 · 22/03/2017 20:57

Taylor22, wouldn't you offer to help your partner?

No lol cleaning up broken glass is a nightmare. Would I hell. Grin

Joysmum · 22/03/2017 21:03

If I break something I sent the other out of the room as I wouldn't want to risk anyone treadingbtgriugh glass. Your DH is well trained and I applaud him.

loveyoutothemoon · 22/03/2017 21:08

If my other half did that I'd help him, why not?

khajiit13 · 22/03/2017 21:25

It's hard to judge from once example. Everyone is different, all relationships are different.

I know in my relationship, if I were you, I'd feel hurt. Because I know my OH, I know he would give me a humorous look, maybe a sarky comment to which I'd laugh and tell him to fuck off and then we'd clean it up together.

NSEA · 22/03/2017 21:27

I am totally amazed people take this one example and say you are unloved and disrespected by your dh. They are so quick to jump to judgemental conclusions.

My opinion is that it annoyed him you dropped it so he stropped off.

SandyY2K · 22/03/2017 21:54

And this would have been OK behaviour for an adult?

Yes it would. Better to walk away and leave the person to sort out the mess, that to start arguing about it.

It's just a bottle of wine, not a major catastrophic event. How many people do you need to change a light bulb.

There are clearly underlying issues in your marriage OP, because if all else was fine, you would not be posting here.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2017 21:59

"Yes it would. Better to walk away and leave the person to sort out the mess, that to start arguing about it. "

But why would you argue about it?

Frillyhorseyknickers · 22/03/2017 21:59

Only on mumsnet is it acceptable to consider you husband an uncaring, unloving sexist for not offering to clean up a mess the other person made.

Get a fucking grip.

MerryMarigold · 22/03/2017 22:02

Betrand: But why would you argue about it?

Because you accuse your husband, whose bottle of wine you've just smashed, of being an uncaring, unloving sexist for not offering to clean it up

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