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Original poster

Can I ask what you would do?

374 replies

sharksscareme · 19/03/2017 09:36

If you discovered your husband had been sending stupid texts? Not explicit at all, but definitely flirty, to a teenage girl. He claims she was low in confidence and he was just trying to cheer her up.

OP posts:
MrsSthe3rd · 19/03/2017 10:23

Why are they even swapping contact details in the first place?!

It's only a work experience. Hmm

Am I missing the point?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 19/03/2017 10:25

I didn't thing school either but think people thought you meant on work experience there from school. You do that at fourteen here though not seventeen.

Op if you want advice on your marriage, my advice is leave him. He has no respect for you at all to be sending anyone messages like that. He's got rubbish morals and it will happen again likely.

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 10:25

Kick him out.

I couldn't have a man like that around me.

at the very least, he hasn't been honest with you has he? He didn't show you the texts and ask any advice and say I think she has a crush what should I do. It had to be her mother who told you.

SparklyMagpie · 19/03/2017 10:25

I think knowing how you found out also helps

Did he tell you about it all and show you the messages

Or did you find them?

StandAndBeCounted · 19/03/2017 10:26

I would ltb for sure. No question.

Sorry you are going through this OP Flowers

iremembericod · 19/03/2017 10:26

17 year old girl having crush on 41 year old?

How do you know this?
It's pretty unusual for a 'hot' girl to fancy an old man, happens I know, but is unusual.

More likely is she is unsure how to respond when an older man with more power than her is coming onto her with suggestive comments about her being hot and fit. If she tells him to fuck off, what happens to her job etc? So she plays along, getting more dragged into his middle aged grimness. Then thankfully in this case, she told her mum.

It's pretty grim whichever way round you look at it. If a 17 year old had a crush on my bf he wouldn't tell her she was hot or fit, that's for sure!

Original poster
sharksscareme · 19/03/2017 10:26

He was giving her lifts Mrs. AFAIK she is not linked to school or college.

OP posts:
Kikikaakaa · 19/03/2017 10:26

He was giving her a lift

My advice also: I think I would leave him as well sorry.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 19/03/2017 10:26

Is he the manager/owner of the company? Trying to figure out why he has her number and why hed give her lifts.

SparklyMagpie · 19/03/2017 10:26

Ooh did I miss how OP found out? Confused

PhoenixJasmine · 19/03/2017 10:26

We only have the OP's husbands word for it at the moment that is wasn't unwanted. Someone up thread has written about their experiences as a teenager and going along with the harrasment as they weren't confident to say no. If the girl reports this to anyone else as unwanted, he's in trouble. The thing that most adult men would do is ASSUME that a child on work experience does not want to be sent sexual messages from anyone in the workplace. And if the child 'chased' them, they wouldn't respond, they'd say it was not appropriate and look to end/avoid unsupervised contact.

oleoleoleole · 19/03/2017 10:27

Leave him. He's pathetic and you deserve better.

HmmOkay · 19/03/2017 10:27

Okay, advice on your marriage.

The majority of people would end their marriage for this, I think. Clearly you don't want to.

Are you financially dependent on your husband? Do you have children? How old?

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 10:27

Genuinely - what is work experience then? Perhaps that is me misunderstanding but here they do work experience either in lower sixth (when they are 17) for a week via the school , or it's a work placement from a college of FE, in which case it's a day a week for a term or similar.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 19/03/2017 10:28

Sparkly yes her contacted text op.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 19/03/2017 10:28

Anne they can also do it through the job centre or careers office.

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 10:29

Right. But she's 17 and 17 year olds have to be in school or at college?

PhoenixJasmine · 19/03/2017 10:29

I have plenty of 17 year old work experience students who are at school/sixth form, it was a very reasonable assumption!

Kikikaakaa · 19/03/2017 10:30

My work experience at 17 was due to NVQ

stitchglitched · 19/03/2017 10:31

I thought 17 year olds had to be in education these days? So either school or college? What did her mum say?

SparklyMagpie · 19/03/2017 10:31

GotToGetMyFingerOut thanks! No idea how I missed that Confused

Right so even more reason to ditch his arse, he didn't even tell you her mother had to

Christ ! Wonder how long it would have continued if the girls mother didn't get involved, for me that's even worse

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2017 10:31

I'd have a significant issue with any man in his forties hitting on and flirting with a 17 year old. It's totally inappropriate. His comments are sexual as you know, hot babe, you look fit whatever these are not comments you make to your mother.

Do you end a marriage over it. I genuinely don't know, but for me I'd be so disgusted that my husband of that age could actually write flirtatious things like that to a seventeen year old I think it would split us apart.

It would also very much hurt his social circle as our friends would be appalled , even the men, they'd see a seventeen year old kid and think what the fuck.

As for work, if it comes out there, yes his name will be scum there too. A lot of people have kids this age and when they see a man in his forties telling one she is hot and fit then it disgusts them as it's disgusted everyone on this thread.

The fact it's not a crime as such really is irrelevant. It's the simple fact he had not only those thoughts about such a young female but he communicated them to her.

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 10:32

Nvq is still done through a college or what used to be the tech or another training Organisation?

I mean. She won't just have turned up and said I want work experience surely or that would be a job? Work experience implies to me some kind of supervision or working towards a qualification of some kind. A taster to the world of work?

PurpleDaisies · 19/03/2017 10:32

How does he propose that he deals with this? Is he planning on apologising? Is he still giving her lifts?

It would kill the trust in the relationship for me.

Beansonapost · 19/03/2017 10:34

This is how these things start...

They tend to be innocent then move to flirtations... then affair. It is a complete breach of trust IMO. He is married and even if she has a crush he should rightly nip it in the bud right then and there... not behave like a teenager himself.

OP I would be seriously questioning how much I can trust him and ask whether or not he's done this sort of thing before.

I would be contemplating leaving him honestly.

Imagine if your never found out? How far would it have gone...