Can I ask what you would do?

[sharksscareme]

If you discovered your husband had been sending stupid texts? Not explicit at all, but definitely flirty, to a teenage girl. He claims she was low in confidence and he was just trying to cheer her up.

What af said.

He owns the company. He could look at whatever he liked and get her mobile number that way.

She could have given it to him. He still had NO RIGHT to send her sleazy sexy texts. None.

God lots of overreactions, and things being read into.
I've said nothing about her behaviour.
The OP wanted support and advice, not exaggerations of what may or may not be his intentions.
It was just another point of view. Will leave you all to it.

Bye then

Lois, who is over reacting, is that because you are under reacting, perhaps if it was your daughter he was:

Sending her texts to cheer her up as she was low in confidence - you'd be fine and dandy with that?

He's clearly a creep who is trying it on young vulnerable girls.

Itsnotgold can you not see that what you are saying is taking no account of the effect on the victim of this mans sleazy attentions?

Tbh I think you are being very naive. He has crossed a line and at very least made a fool of himself and laid himself open to potential complaints of harrassment and inappropriate behaviour. At 17 she is likely to be studying in some shape or form whether at school, college or via employment/volunteering. She may have welcomed his attention, or maybe not, in which case he exploited his position and her vulnerability, which could even be perceived as grooming. How did he get himself into a position of having her number and giving lifts?

Well I think it's safe to say OP won't be back now that Anne has re-appeared

If you're still lurking, hope you're ok OP I think you know what you need to do here. But take some time to think it through. This is the rest of your life we're talking about

You deserve better than this man. I think that is plain for all to see

Sorry OP.

I think you were hoping people would say yes stay with him, it means nothing, she encouraged him etc. but no.

He has behaved really badly. It's his company and he has taken on a child for work experience and then he has behaved inappropriately with her.

Regardless of whether she had a crush on him, he is the adult in a position of authority and he should have refused to give her lifts and ignored texts.

If my DH did this it would destroy all trust and our relationship would not survive.

Do not despair. I had DD at 39, you have time yet to have a family

Mewling like I've said before on this thread you haven't a clue.

Anne it's not a thread about you or your daughter, I'm sorry that happened but you don't know what happened because no ones really bothered to ask, just blasted me with blame, aggression and information about what I'm apparently trying to do. For the fourth time I'm not minimising it and I swear if you say that again I will report your posts, you are putting me in the wrong and it's a wanker thing to do.

How are you feeling sharksscareme ? I know you're upset with Anne's (and other) posts but aside from that. What has your husband's reaction been so far? What have you said to him about how you feel? I have a vision of you driving yourself quietly insane at home, keeping it all bottled up and your husband plodding along as if nothing has happened. I hope you've had an opportunity to have a really thorough and frank discussion with him? You are not being victimised or blamed in any way, so many people on this thread (myself included) are thinking of you and just feel so bad that you've found yourself in this situation.

Thanks, macnab, I do really appreciate that but I just don't feel able to share - I'm sorry

Maybe you should write how you're feeling/coping OP? ( not on anyway meant to be taken negative)

I've only just caught up with this thread, I would like to know how you're doing? You came here for help and I understand it's been difficult for you an you don't want to share, but maybe just typing your thoughts feelings out will help?

I feel numb. I'm not even sure if it's sunk in yet.

I just want to say, it's horrible isn't it, you want to share but then you kind of don't, I personally found blurting it all out to a counsellor the best thing, she didn't think I was mad, totally understood why I felt as I did and was very down to earth about it, she gave me the confidence to think that if I don't want to forgive and move on, I was perfectly entitled to feel that way and gave me some good coping tools too if I decided to work on it

Counselling might be a good idea, could you access/afford it?
This is a huge decision, you are still in shock.

How is he being towards you? You ok?

Shark thinking of you

OP - I'm really sorry this has happened to you and I hope that you manage to see this - you must be reeling at the moment and finding everything hard to take in.

I've given it quite a bit of thought re how I would feel if it was my DH. I think a lot would depend on the rest of the relationship - was it good otherwise, was this completely out of character, did he accept completely that he was in the wrong or did he, when confronted, try to shift the blame partially or wholly onto the girl (i.e. "she came on to me", "it was all her" etc). I think I'd be furious and broken-hearted, but if all else was well and he was willing to put in the work to try and repair the relationship (apologise to the girl and her mother, go to counselling to work out exactly why he did this, etc) I might be willing to give it at least some time to see if the marriage could survive. But the minute he tried to minimise what he had done, or not accept how badly he'd behaved, I'd be out of there.

However, this is your life and your relationship and we really can't know all the ins and outs. I wish you peace and clarity of thought to make the right decision for you.

What is he doing, shark ?

Has he knocked the lifts on the head at least ?

OP I am wondering if the kind of shock you feel is coupled with grief? It's just a thought.

If you feel this is the end of your marriage might you be going through the stages of grief?

"The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost."

I know you have not lost him in the sense of death but he has betrayed your trust in him and I am saying this as it might help you process how you feel. I am not judging you at all.

He has, AF.

He/we own a nursery. The lifts - well, it's hard to say. I want to be magnanimous and say they started from just wanting to help, young girl with not much money and bus fares being expensive. But I don't know, I don't really know anything. As is evident!

It is evident you are in shock