Can I ask what you would do?

[sharksscareme]

If you discovered your husband had been sending stupid texts? Not explicit at all, but definitely flirty, to a teenage girl. He claims she was low in confidence and he was just trying to cheer her up.

In your position I would be researching having a child on my own

It is not too late for you. That kind of thinking will keep you with this loser.

I would not be getting back in bed with this man.

OP this is not your last chance for children. Don't make the mistake of having children with an amoral, insecure man. He won't do you justice.

It's not that simple, AF. My parents are dead, my support network limited.

Put it this way, if I posted an 'AIBU to have a child alone' on AIBU board everyone would say 'fuck, don't do it.'

I just don't know if I'm insane to throw away my future because of s stupid mistake or not.

Dump him. That's nasty.

Yes look into having a child on your own.

It's much, much more than a stupid mistake

You would be insane to keep your wagon hitched to a man that has only stopped tapping up a 17yo because he got rumbled

Lots of women have babies as a single parent

Three years is a reasonable time to meet someone.
It will not take three years to conceive a child, unless you suffer from fertility problems.

I listened to scare mongering about age and fertility, thought it would take forever to conceive at 39/40 and was blind-sided when I did in few attempts .. I actually walked around ranting to myself about the f*ckers saying this stuff that had set me up for this lol.

Nature is the most tenacious, opportunistic little bugger; and nature wants you knocked up.

Also fertility may drop off sooner for men than women but this idea that it happens; boom, like that is bullshit; it reduces gradually. Post 45 is more of an issue, but some post 45 women still get pregnant naturally and more with IVF.

As AF says, even if you had to do it alone (if you wanted to and were in a financial position) you could and like many women on here meet another partner later.

OP this is a horrible situation for you

Please take your time as to what to do. Dont feel you have to rush it. It is a very important decision for you. Hopefully it will become clearer what to do.

Read up on boundaries in relationships - I think very important to be aware of these if you werent previously!

Sorry - "fertility may drop off sooner for women than men"

OP, I've just read the full thread and you've really had a rough time here today, with people derailing and misunderstanding the purpose of you posting on here.

Sadly I agree with PP that based on what you said you shouldn't have DCs with your partner. Imagine if you had a daughter - can you imagine how you would feel once she became a teenager and you realised how awful your husband's behaviour actually was? It would break your heart.

His behaviour wasn't just a silly mistake. It indicates that there's something seriously skewed on his understanding of morals and boundaries. I couldn't trust someone like that.

Aside from anything else, this kind of behaviour would make him forever unattractive to me, so the relationship would be over just on that count.

I'm so sorry.

Argh, what a vile man he is, and I'm so sorry you're now in this shitty position op.
He's obviously a revolting creep.
It's just so horrible that your future of having children etc is now complicated. I would not be having kids with this dirty old man, though.

OP - he didn't ding your car - He wilfully engaged in a frankly skin crawling flirtation with a vulnerable girl (as he was in a position of power) who could be his child. Where will this end next time? Where has it ended in the past? He's no good. How could you trust him?

So sorry that this has happened sharks.

Obviously You feel time is running out to have dc but you could waste the next 4 years with this man and still not have them.

Is having dc worth staying in this relationship where the trust has gone? Only you can decide that. It makes your decision much more complicated and emotional, and you're probably in shock. Take some time, see how remorseful he really is and what he intends to do about it. Don't let him minimise this.

Take care of yourself.

Sorry sharks you must feel totally shit. Obviously we don't have the full story maybe you don't either. I'm sure it would have been more than a couple of texts.
May I ask what has been your husbands reaction to this coming out? And how do you feel about his reaction?
Re fertility I had my dd at 37 ..my friend had a baby at 45 ..it's not imo a good idea to stick with him to have a baby.
A lot has been gone over on the thread but how are you now ? You asked for advice / support and I'm sure 99% of posters want to be able to help.

OP I'm so sorry for you and some of these posts must have been awful to read. What on earth was going through his mind to do this? Where would it have lead do you think? Aside from the fact she's 17 , the fact he's flirting this way with someone else shows total lack of respect and reagard for you. I'd try to deal with one issue at a time and worry about babies etc later, it's too much to cope with all at once. I think the trust would be gone for me in this situation not to mention the fact that hes crossed boundaries with someone so young. I don't think you need this kind of worry in your life.

Just wading in on the fertility front.

Meet DH when I was 40. Had DD at 43.

Be careful who you breed with.

Xxx

Really sorry you are in this situation op.
Fwiw, I don't see much wrong with a bit of flirtation and banter. I do it and lots of my friends do too - usually in a more public way though and certainly not with 17 year olds.
What would I do?
I think I'd get my dh to talk. To try and get some understanding of why he did it, what he was thinking. And if my gut instinct told me this was just a mid-life crisis and nothing more, and if I loved him and didn't want to contemplate being without him, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt
Only you can answer the 'ifs' though.

sharksscareme this is really sad for you and must be very hard to cope with.

I don't know for sure what I would do but I would find it very hard to trust him again.

I don't know what the nature of the work experience is but whatever it is this is totally inappaoprite.

It's not your fault and I hope you will find somene to talk to in a real life, a counsellor maybe, who can help you work through your feelings.

I am sorry for the girl, she is very young and your dh should not have engaged in this type of texting etc.

OP please look after yourself.

I am not sure how old you are, but you were talking about kids later in life. I had my dd at 39 and adopted at 45.

Thinking of you, this sounds very, very hard.

Mrsrochesterscat I am so sorry to hear about your daughter.

PS not read every post but read many.

I looked up the word schadenfreude and I do think you are right about it.

Sharks, I so feel for you. I have tried to put myself in your shoes (similar circumstances and age I think) and honestly i would be so reluctant to throw away my marriage over texts. Yes her age adds an extra dimension that I would struggle to get past, but my reaction would depend upon his reaction. If he realised the awfulness, the terrible position he had put himself, me and the girl in, if he was devastated and willing to do anything to put it right then maybe- maybe- we could work through it. Everything would depend on his reaction and behaviour for me.
I'm so sorry he has put you in such a dreadful position

Yeah, it is crazy to throw away a marriage over a flirtation with a teenage girl, but that's what OP's husband has done isn't it.

How are you doing today OP?