I've slept with a man that has a wife and child

[RegretIsMyMiddleName]

NC as this is quite specific.

I met a guy on OLD. We spoke for a while and have been dating for a while now. We speak basically everyday but at times I could never get hold of him. This didn't concern me as I realised people have busy lives and can't always reply.

We've dtd, we spoke about a future but then over dinner last night as he was back in my city for a business trip he told me that he's falling for me - as I have him! But he has a wife and child. He wants us to take it slow. He says he doesn't love her anymore and is only with her so he can be close to his child.

I feel awful. I feel like a dirty OW. I have fallen for him and I believe he has for me but never would I have never guessed that he is/was married and has a child.

I wouldn't be bothered if he had a child but the fact is he has a family and I've basically naively been thinking we could be together.

He says he wants us to be together but now I'm questioning everything. Fundamentally I feel like an awful person - his wife was probably at their home last night feeding their child and reading them a bedtime story whilst he was drinking cocktails with me.

What a shock for you.

My ex was seeing three women that he met on online dating.

The first one, he told he was separated but living in the same house until it was sold.

The second he told something similar and said if she allowed him to move in he would move out straight away.

The third just thought he was not always available as he was a widower raising small children after the sad death of his wife.

None of this was remotely true and I was at home thinking everything was great and we were still sleeping together regularly.

I know all of the above, as I phoned every single one of them and told them the truth.

If a man is a liar then they will always be a liar and you will never be able to trust him even if he does leave his wife.

Thankfully that was years ago now and I have well and truly moved on but knocked the stuffing out of me for a while, which I am sure it did to the poor ow he deceived.

Did you never visit his home? Meet his friends?

Sometimes I can't get hold of DP during the day - rural area really dodgy phone signal - but I'd been to his house and knew he lived alone.

Hitch up skirts and run like hell. You deserve better. Please refer to The Script thread linked above which comprehensively lists the cliches he's been trotting out and more. If you have any dignity and self respect you will block, ignore and be grateful for a lucky escape.

Is he a travelling salesman type?
He Could easily have other women on the go as well. If he can cheat on his wife he can cheat on you. And you only have his word for it that he has fallen for you.

The script is:
We live in the same house but only for the child.
We have drifted apart.
We don't ever have sex or any physical contact (often he hasn't had sex for 8 years - a favourite time period which seems to exonerate him from all blame and also make him seem like a poor sex-starved monk as well) (whereas he's probably gone all of 8 hours, if not 8 minutes, without sex).

Tbh I don't fancy my wife and never really did.

We never had sex much - only on the odd occasion when I was drunk - and that's how she got pregnant.

Often developed into:
She's a cow/spends too much/is lazy/isn't a good mother
And/or:
She broke my heart by having an affair/an abortion against my wishes.
(Which kind of doesn't sit right with the never having fancied or had sex with but still ...).

I'm going to leave but just waiting for the right moment.
(Cue FB pics of him looking loved up on holiday with her and their child.)

Oh that was just for show.

I don't want her to know I want to leave it she might take my child/money/house because even though she has no right to be cross as she knows we've grown apart she's still a mad vindictive b*tch.

Etc. Heard aby Of that?

any of that?

Something similar happened to me. I was with a man, feeling quite strongly for him.
He send me a daft video of himself at home cooking. Lo and behold, he had forgotten to take his wedding ring off.
I dumped that fucker straight away, I am too good to be with a cheating liar.
Oh and I got the "I'll tell my wife about us, we haven't had sex for years"
Fuck of you lying waste of skin was my response.

And the fact that your gut didn't tell you that something was amiss should alert you to the fact that he is a convincing, practised and accomplished liar.

My dad was a serial cheat and liar. To both my mum and his next wife. He is a very, very good liar. So convincing. He was also a very successful salesman.

Very few people can tell when my dad is lying, because he believes his own lies.

I'm just feeling strange that I feel heartbroken and angry. I realise I don't have the right to feel this way because I am not his wife. She should be feeling angry and heartbroken. I bet she has no idea. But he said that his wife doesn't actually care as they're just co-parenting and lead separate lives.

OP you are worth more than a lying, cheating scumbag. He has lied to you already and is lying to his wife and cheating on her.

Delete and block him as you deserve so much more.

I also can't cope with the idea that there might be other OW out there that he sees. I mean his wife is one thing but I wonder if he has multiple 'girlfriends'.

I have fallen very hard for him.

Nope, you fell for who you thought he was. He's only now shown you who he really is.

Run run run now. And yes, as pp said, STI check.

You do have a right to feel heartbroken for the relationship that you imagined that is not going to happen.

It does not matter what the wife think. What do you think about being lied to and the possibility of a relationship with an unavailable man?

This happened to me. His profile said separated. When I found out he lived with his wife and child I said I thought you were separated?

He said we are but she doesn't realise!!!!!!!! Wtaf!!!!!!!

Dump and block and report on the OLD site.

Two women is one too many.

Tell him to bugger off.

You're not in love with him - you're in love with who he's chosen to put before you. But that's not even the half of him. He's hiding the bad bits.

Forget him and find someone who's free. And isn't lying to you.

But he said that his wife doesn't actually care as they're just co-parenting and lead separate lives.

At this point you should have asked for her number so you could call and introduce yourself. As you know, his new partner post-separation.

That would have knocked him for six I bet.

It's not your fault OP. Men like this are very skilled in their deception. You have every right to be upset, you entered into this in good faith. But now's the time to protect yourself.

I'm going to leave but just waiting for the right moment.

Wingsofdesire He also said this. It's not the right time at the moment as his child is only 5 and the child is the most important person in his life. He said when the time is right he will leave. He asked me to just be patient and understanding. He said their relationship ended years ago. It's now just a friendship.

Dump. Move onwards and upwards.

Sorry he deceived you OP. X

I know one who has set up and 'dressed' a whole room to use as a FaceTime backdrop to show he sleeps separately.

Ha. Does he Hell as like. Sleeps on top. Or inside. His partner.

If she doesn't care then she won't mind you finding her on Facebook or similar and contacting her to confirm her relationship status and that her husband is free to date other people?

You know he's talking shite, right? You know he's spinning you a line?

Just don't believe a word he says about his wife or their relationship. It's all a fantasy concocted in his head to justify his actions. Total crock of shit.

There are very likely to be other people from OLD. Maybe some further down the line than you, maybe some who called him on his bullshit and have bailed already, others in development as back-up in case you bail, profile,still up to hook more prospects. It's called having a pipeline. It's so his sex pot never runs dry.

Please dump the bastard and let his poor wife know.

A friend of mine is broken hearted because her Husband has done the same as the man you've met.

He looked online and met someone and there wasn't any problems with in they're marriage he was just a twat who wanted to sleep around,he was sleeping with the OW whilst his poor wife(my friend)was heavily pregnant and at home looking after they're other children.

He told the OW that he was single and had no children.I could never be with someone who denys they're own children and to do it for sex is sick!

He was still very much in a relationship with his wife and he was having sex with his wife and the OW.

But after the OW found out she stayed with the bastard and since then he's still OLD and sleeping with other women behind the OW's back.

He was spending money on the OW and himself that was supposed to be for his wife and children,so if the cheater your with paid for the meal you had out that's going to be money that should have been spent on his family!

I hope you have the deceny to do the right thing and walk away because so far you've done nothing wrong.

OP is his profile still on the site?