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Original poster

I've slept with a man that has a wife and child

390 replies

RegretIsMyMiddleName · 17/03/2017 13:56

NC as this is quite specific.

I met a guy on OLD. We spoke for a while and have been dating for a while now. We speak basically everyday but at times I could never get hold of him. This didn't concern me as I realised people have busy lives and can't always reply.

We've dtd, we spoke about a future but then over dinner last night as he was back in my city for a business trip he told me that he's falling for me - as I have him! But he has a wife and child. He wants us to take it slow. He says he doesn't love her anymore and is only with her so he can be close to his child.

I feel awful. I feel like a dirty OW. I have fallen for him and I believe he has for me but never would I have never guessed that he is/was married and has a child.

I wouldn't be bothered if he had a child but the fact is he has a family and I've basically naively been thinking we could be together.

He says he wants us to be together but now I'm questioning everything. Fundamentally I feel like an awful person - his wife was probably at their home last night feeding their child and reading them a bedtime story whilst he was drinking cocktails with me.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/03/2017 14:10

I genuinely thought we were exclusively seeing each other

As did his wife.

Lelloteddy · 17/03/2017 14:10

He visits your city for business trips.
How many other cities does he visit for business trips?

Peanutbutterrules · 17/03/2017 14:10

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. He will never leave his wife.

He has lied to you, he has deceived you in the worst way possible. He has led you down the garden path knowing full well that you never would have gotten involved if you known the truth.

He will continue to lie and manipulate you.

Leave now, for your sake. He will find another woman to have an affair with.

xStefx · 17/03/2017 14:11

Yep , full, script then.. so sorry OP

He is staying for the childs sake
They haven't slept together in months
They are growing apart... Sorry but they are classic lines and you have been spun all 3

I bet you they are even trying for their second and he has no intention of ever leaving her. He isn't gonna tell you the truth is he now? or he wouldn't be able to have his cake an eat it.

His poor wife, being taken for a ride, having her time wasted. He doesn't have any respect fort he mother of his child. What a waste of space he is.

You habvent done anything wrong , but if you carry on seeing him your as bad as him. Don't fall fort he script OP

MsMarvel · 17/03/2017 14:11

If they are only together for the sake of this child then I assume the wife knows her husband was on line looking for other partners? What's most likely the situation is that she is at home thinking everything is fine, with no clue that he's so 'unhappy'

Whether you've fallen for him or not, the reality is that this is a guy that can go home, put on a normal happy face and deceive everyone in his 'real' life. Do you want to be with someone who is capable of this level of deceit? I know I wouldn't.

Its not like random circumstance brought you together, he was actively looking for people to shag on the side while his wife is at home raising his child.

RE his comment about not wanting to be a part time dad, he is pretty much already doing that if he has the luxury of checking out of family life and going for cocktails with his mistress.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 17/03/2017 14:11

I'd maaaaaaaybe give him the benefit of the doubt if you'd met on a train or something at random and meeting you had given him hope that he could have love in his life again in the midst of a disastrous marriage breakdown.

But the fact he actively sought out women to have sexual relationships with on internet dating sites? Not a chance. I don't mean to be horrible, but you could probably be anyone. I very much doubt you're the first and you won't be the last. He likes having extra marital sex. That's the long and short of it IMO.

DearMrDilkington · 17/03/2017 14:11

Your obviously going to continue seeing him, that's why your excusing the behaviour with "we've both fallen for each other".

He'll never leave her for you, I would be willing to bet any money on him seeing other woman as well as you.

Don't go there, block him and forget about it.

Wolfiefan · 17/03/2017 14:12

What was he doing on OLD if not hunting for sex. He slept with you and then hoping he had hooked you in started to tell you about how he is only there for the child etc etc.
A decent man is either open and honest before sex or not at all. If he really wanted to be apart from his wife he would be. Custody and house etc settled then maybe a new relationship. He's just after a shag

smashedinductionhob · 17/03/2017 14:12

"He wants us to take it slow"

Oh dear.....

magoria · 17/03/2017 14:12

He is a dirty old man who was on line looking for something rather than be honest with his wife he wanted out.

If it wasn't you it would have been the next one.

He led you to believe he was single and free to start a relationship. Now he believes he had you hooked he can drop his bombshell.

Up to now you (along with his wife) have been his victim.

Dump him and move along with your head high.

Stay with him and you will be the dirty OW he has made you feel like.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 17/03/2017 14:13

You've done nothing wrong because you didn't know but it has to end now. If it's meant to be he will end his marriage and in the future you can be together. Until then you have to not be with him.

Jaagojaago · 17/03/2017 14:13

He's a nasty man - a dad - who went only to find himself some sex.

He found it.

He wishes to keep it.

If you don't dump and block him - you too will become a very nasty person.

Forager · 17/03/2017 14:13

I have a feeling that you're considering being with him.

I cannot fathom how you can even contemplate such a thing with a man who lied firstly to his wife about what he's been up to and then to you to get you to have sex with him whilst being married.

What sort of a person does that? A dirty, cheating scumbag! And you're considering keeping him?

If he can so blatantly liw to his wife and to you simultaneously, then why do you think he'll be any different with you later on?

Where's the dilemma? There is none.

SleepFreeZone · 17/03/2017 14:15

I fear you are going to have to do something terminal to this relationship or else you two will keep boomeranging back together whilst he never actually leaves his wife, only promises to 'when the time is right'. You must delete and block but then also threaten to tell his wife if he contacts you again. That should ensure he leaves you alone.

Deadsouls · 17/03/2017 14:16

This man reeled you in, and wasn't transparent and honest about his relationship status, and child. He is a liar and a cheat. He wants his cake and to eat it too. How can you believe anything he says? He's lying to her too.

Lelloteddy · 17/03/2017 14:17

You do know that 'taking it slow' means him keeping you hidden away? In case his wife/family/other women get wind of his dirty little secret?

PragmaticWench · 17/03/2017 14:17

Just imagine how you'll feel several years down the line when you and he have a small child together, then you discover he's on a dating site and sleeping with someone else behind your back. Feel sick at the thought of that? That's the kind of man he REALLY is, you've just fallen for a fake image.

Deadsouls · 17/03/2017 14:18

Also he's not even in a position to dictate terms of a relationship or to start a new relationship. You won't get your needs met with this man and you will be the OW. He won't leave her for you. He'll just know what you'll put up with which is a part time relationship at best, crumbs at worst.

smashedinductionhob · 17/03/2017 14:18

"he was back in my city for a business trip"

I'd missed that bit.

Sorry this happened, but we are what we do, or in your case what you do next.

If he actually loves you, and you say "come back when you have filed for divorce" then he will because he can still be a dad after divorce.

Backt0Black · 17/03/2017 14:19

OP - PP's are right, you've had front row seats to a showing of 'the script'

He's clearly scum, if he really is intent on cheating on the Mother of his kids he should be upfront on what an arse he is from the off. How dare he covertly drag you into being the OW - surely thats your choice and not his? What a massive ego'd prick.

If you take this in anyway further be prepared to be in the script in the future...... likely playing the part his poor wife is now.

Another vote for dump and block

TimTamTerrier · 17/03/2017 14:20

You haven't fallen for him, you have fallen for someone who doesn't exist but looks just like him. Like falling for a character in a film and thinking that the actor is the same personality. He made up a person to draw you in. Now you've found that he has lied about some very fundamental things, you can never trust that he will be honest with you about anything. If you let him, he will continue to lie to you in order to control you and get what he wants.

wobblywonderwoman · 17/03/2017 14:20

Yes definitely threaten to tell the wife (actually why not just tell her!)

Back away from him. He will ruin your life and you are ruining his wife.

Underthemoonlight · 17/03/2017 14:21

You won't be the first or the last and I wouldn't be surprised if she's lining up other woman in various different cities to see.

vaginasuprise · 17/03/2017 14:21

His is a liar and a cheat. If you feel those are qualities you find attractive in a partner then fill your boots. Personally I go for honesty, integrity and loyalty amongst others. Give your head a wobble........what you give out you get back 3 fold.

TwentyCups · 17/03/2017 14:21

Personally I would tell his wife and then walk away. Don't bother telling him to come back when he has divorced her - he actively sought to cheat by OLD. He is a liar, and you and his wife can do better.