Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To chuck water over 'D'P?

435 replies

FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 00:26

DP went out after work and said he'd be back late. I didn't sleep well last night so went to bed early.

He came in at 10.30pm and woke me up to watch a film with him. I didn't wake up right away, he whipped the bedsheets off me, tickled me then got a cold can from the fridge and put it against my skin repeatedly.

We do wind each other up alot and once I'd got over my initial 'just woken up' grumpiness I did see the funny side. I went to make us something to eat and when I came out of the kitchen the fucker was in bed, zonked.

I've taken the duvet and the pillows off the bed and he still hasn't moved.

WIBU to chuck a glass of water on him? I'm wide awake now after my sleep earlier and for no good reason Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 07:29

Thanks all. Especially you southall. Believe me, I wish I was trolling.

I NC because before it took a nasty turn this would have been quite an identifying situation if it was brought up in conversation and I know that DP's sister is a MNer.

I, and many others namechange frequently on here, It's not really relevant, is it.

OP posts:
NewPuppyMum · 16/03/2017 07:33

If this happened as you say OP he isn't the love of your life, maybe your sex life is good or he buys you presents, but he assaulted you. He didn't like you standing up for your self, "prancing", and went from 0-60 in no time. Do you want your son to see this and then learn it's okay?

Get out or you're a fool.

ClarabellCow · 16/03/2017 07:33

FringyFringe I name change all the time. I find it hard to understand people who don't. How are you feeling this morning?

skerrywind · 16/03/2017 07:34

OP you seem to have a mildly abusive relationship - on both sides here.

You assaulted him by throwing a glass of water over him and he retaliated.
You seem to think rough games are fun, pushing those boundaries, getting each other angry.
Are you surprised that there was an overstep to the mark?
Parents advise children not to play rough games because they know where they can lead.

You both sound very cvhildish.

DartmoorDoughnut · 16/03/2017 07:37

Glad you're ok fringe hope you aren't too sore and that he doesn't minimise his behaviour today i.e I don't remember so I doubt it was that bad sort of thing

Oh and troll hunters just FUCK OFF if you suspect a thread report it don't derail it FFS it isn't that hard a rule to sodding follow!!

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 16/03/2017 07:38

While I have doubts about this thread I will put this out there for anyone reading. If a partner puts their hands around your throat they are statistically more likely to end up killing you.

pictish · 16/03/2017 07:38

Basically it's one rule for him and another for you. He may wake you up by pressing a cold tin on your bare skin and you must take it as a 'joke'...but when you respond in kind he assaults you.

He is telling you straight...he's in charge, you are the butt of the jokes and you will defer to him. This is not an equal relationship.

I mean...who the fuck wakes someone up at 10.30 pm to watch a film anyway?

TheDisreputableDog · 16/03/2017 07:40

Sounds very unhealthy without the escalation. Little tickle to see if your partner is really asleep - acceptable, pulling covers off/throwing water weird and bound to lead to trouble.
Has your OH woken up OP?

PollytheDolly · 16/03/2017 07:41

Is he awake yet?

NaiceBiscuits · 16/03/2017 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ptumbi · 16/03/2017 07:41

his 'prank' is waking you up, let alone holding an ice-cold can to your warm skin, would have had me raging and screaming, not laughing. It's abuse dressed up as 'pranking'. Especially if it's only one way.

Original poster
FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 07:43

He's awake but not up.

OP posts:
ClarabellCow · 16/03/2017 07:44

I agree with Pictish op. Right at the beginning. Did you pre arrange to watch a film when he came home, or did he just expect you to play with him on a whim to fulfill his wishes?

Either way, how he did wake you was horrible, but if it wasn't planned there is a whole extra dimension there.

skerrywind · 16/03/2017 07:44

But the OP says the "pranking" is two way.
The whole relationship has some serious boundary issues.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 16/03/2017 07:46

Are you waiting for what he has too say or are you going too take action op?

ClopySow · 16/03/2017 07:51

Totally agree with losingdory

ImperialBlether · 16/03/2017 07:52

I agree it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. His waking you was really horrible when it was obvious you were tired. Your waking him was really immature.

Thattimeofyearagain · 16/03/2017 07:54

Have you spoken to him yet op?

incogKNEEto · 16/03/2017 07:55

How do you feel this morning Fringe? I hope you get through the next couple of hours ok, and you get a chance to think about what you need to do next.

Please be aware that someone putting their hands around your neck is a marker to police/women's aid that an abuser is dangerous, he could have killed you. Take care and be careful.

HappyFlappy · 16/03/2017 07:56

If DP came in and woke me for any reason I'd stab him.

THIS

Lots and lots of times.

TheHobbitMum · 16/03/2017 08:01

How are you this morning OP, have you made any plans/thoughts about to getting away? This is just the start of the abuse, you need to get out

HopefullyAnonymous · 16/03/2017 08:04

This sounds toxic. Do not, under any circumstances, minimise how serious this is. Hands anywhere near threat is considered extreme.

pictish · 16/03/2017 08:04

I have long felt that relationships in which the couples 'prank' one another are the product of inequality...one of them (usually the man imo) is the instigator of mean little tricks and humiliations under the guise of being 'jokes' and the other (usually the woman imo) has to show how game they are by accepting it and even joining in. Cos it's all such a 'laugh'.

What took place last night is par for the course in these set ups in my experience. Mr Pranker isn't a laugh...Mr Pranker wants the upper hand. The pranks are a tool of control.

I already know you are very unlikely to break up with the 'love of your life' over this dreadful incident (although it goes without saying that you should) but it will be a long time before you dare prank him like that again...for you has learned what will happen if you do.

Of course he will be brimming with apologies, explanations and reassurances...but that's just lip service. You know your place now.
He may wake you for his entertainment. You may not do the same.

Good luck with him. You'll need it.

daisychain01 · 16/03/2017 08:06

If DP came in and woke me for any reason I'd stab him

In the context of this thread this is a staggeringly irresponsible thing to say. It isn't true, so why say it?

MewlingQuim · 16/03/2017 08:07

Everything XP did to me was just 'a joke' 'a laugh' 'banter' etc. I certainly didn't realise at the time that it was domestic abuse, not until it became proper scary.

But of course he didn't mean it then either, I was just overreacting Hmm