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Original poster

To chuck water over 'D'P?

435 replies

FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 00:26

DP went out after work and said he'd be back late. I didn't sleep well last night so went to bed early.

He came in at 10.30pm and woke me up to watch a film with him. I didn't wake up right away, he whipped the bedsheets off me, tickled me then got a cold can from the fridge and put it against my skin repeatedly.

We do wind each other up alot and once I'd got over my initial 'just woken up' grumpiness I did see the funny side. I went to make us something to eat and when I came out of the kitchen the fucker was in bed, zonked.

I've taken the duvet and the pillows off the bed and he still hasn't moved.

WIBU to chuck a glass of water on him? I'm wide awake now after my sleep earlier and for no good reason Angry

OP posts:
PussInCoutts · 16/03/2017 01:18

I really worry that you're not going to take urgent required action. Please please call to police but so he doesn't hear. I'd get out first and then call straight off if I was you.

WishIhadaGEG · 16/03/2017 01:19

Cross posted a bit there. Can you sleep with your DS tonight?

sobeyondthehills · 16/03/2017 01:21

If you call the police, they will come and hopefully take him to the police station overnight, that will give you time to figure out what you want to do.

PussInCoutts · 16/03/2017 01:21

Please get out and call the police. Now.

Original poster
FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 01:21

I might be wrong, but sounds like this isn't the first time something like this has happened. OP, you know you need to make some tough decisions now, right?*

It's the first time he has ever been anything other than kind to me. We barely even argue.

My DS from another relationship is asleep in his own room. I think I'd be better not to wake him. DP is asleep again I think so I have some time to think about what to do tomorrow. DS will be at school so that should buy me some time.

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 16/03/2017 01:24

He's conditioned you to think that him picking on you is you both 'winding each other up'. Only now it's clearer what it actually is.

Get your DS up and go. Don't put yourself or him in danger.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2017 01:25

Tomorrow he leaves.

Thats it.

WishIhadaGEG · 16/03/2017 01:25

This is odd indeed. You say totally out of character, but is he often very selfish, likes his own way, controls a lot of things, easily frustrated? I'm not looking to create an abuser profile, just exploring whether there may have been some red flags that you didn't recognise?

Perhaps he is a weird sleep-walker attacker Hmm

Lynnm63 · 16/03/2017 01:25

He went too far, he assaulted you. Telling you to fuck off whilst not great is the reaction you'd have got from me. Then again my idea of fun isn't to pull the blankets off my sleeping partner and rub a cold can over them. He started it, you were fast asleep minding your own business.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2017 01:26

Oh and dont fall for the old "I dont remember (quite likely) therefore it didnt really happen and doesnt matter" bullshit. I did, and it just happened again.

In vino veritas and all that, he has just shown you what he is capable of, dont risk it getting worse because it will.

DoJo · 16/03/2017 01:26

Oh my gosh- what a shock for you to discover that he's been hiding a truly disturbing side to himself. I can only imagine that his behaviour tonight if just the tip of the iceberg too. Do you have somewhere to go tomorrow with your son?

Butterymuffin · 16/03/2017 01:29

I would bet you don't argue because you've internalised the idea that you have to keep him happy. By getting out of bed and watching a film with him when he decides that's how it should be, for instance. This is what he's like when something displeases him. Notice how it's one rule for him but another one for you.

Lynnm63 · 16/03/2017 01:29

His reaction suggests you don't wind each other up a lot or his reaction would have been something along the lines of 'oh fringe ffs I'm tired. You got me, can we please go to sleep now?' It suggests he takes pleasure in winding you up.

WishIhadaGEG · 16/03/2017 01:30

I do understand that you won't want the drama of calling the police, esp as it will make it more real and the ideal option is to pretend it didn't happen because it is unacceptable and unexpected. Something similar happened to me once.

You want to wake up in the morning and realise you dreamt it. And he will either not remember it (or pretend not to), or will convince you that you have overreacted, or deserved it, or imagined it.

If you don't draw the line in the sand now,OP, then trust me it will happen again and be worse next time. Don't show him by your actions that what he did was in any way OK.

Original poster
FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 01:35

Not at all Wish. We have a very equal relationship. Normally I am the one who gets a bit moody or snaps at him, he's generally very understanding, calm and comforting even when I know I'm being difficult.

I'm completely shocked, I know alot of people on here say this but this is completely out of character and not him at all.

I love him so much, I'm actually sad that I'm in such a mess I want him to comfort me and that can't happen.

Lynn I know what you're saying but we are always carrying on and pulling pranks on each other. I can give as good as I get in that respect but he has never retaliated like this before.

OP posts:
Schwifty · 16/03/2017 01:41

Pretty sure there'll be a nice comfy bed for him in a cell somewhere?? Had something similar with xp (no dc sorry) and they took him. It hurt me but not as much as he had hurt me. Sounds harsh but can you block dp door from the outside somehow? ?

Schwifty · 16/03/2017 01:42

Sorry that sounds awful but I mean to buy you and dc some time if you do call the police. Ugh. My heart goes out to you

Original poster
FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 01:48

He's sound asleep so I think DS and I are safe for now.

I'm not sure how things will go in the morning but I think the best course of action is to try and get through it until I drop DS at school. DP will be at work and I can have some time to get my head together. It's not fair on DS to wake him in the middle of the night to try and go elsewhere or have the rabble of police removing DP. I'm not sure I want to involve them at all.

OP posts:
Schwifty · 16/03/2017 01:54

Whether it's tired-asleep or drunk-asleep there's no telling when he might wake up again, and how he'll behave then... I always hoped for an apology but it either didn't happen, or came after another episode (euphemism for violent behaviour - if not towards me, then smashing things in the house, and even threatening pets).

DS might seem asleep but there's no telling what he might have heard, maybe he's pretending (sorry if he's actually a wee one and totally conked out)

5BlueHydrangea · 16/03/2017 01:56

Do you have bruises/visible marks where he assaulted you?

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2017 01:57

PM'd you...

Schwifty · 16/03/2017 01:58

5BlueHydrangea

Absolutely - op please take pics if he has. And hide them in a photo folder with a silly name.

Ginkypig · 16/03/2017 02:00

Have a proper think about these pranks.

Are they really a mutual fun we give as good as we get or are they actually

He winds me up all the time and then I react but over the years Iv turned that into a "game" but really it's just him always jokingly winding me up

Original poster
FringyFringe · 16/03/2017 02:05

He's not drunk, but when he's asleep he is completely out of it, he has form for sleepwalking and having conversations etc where I think he is awake but he isn't.

I'm certain that's not what happened here though, he hadn't been asleep for long enough to get to that stage. It usually happens if he's been asleep for a few hours and gets up to use the toilet- he gets up, wanders around, checks his phone, talks to me but has no recollection the next day.

DS is 8, I'm sure he hasn't heard us as there was no shouting and I have looked in on him a couple of times when I've been pacing/ outside for a cigarette.

I've come to bed but I don't anticipate any sleep. I just can't get my head around this happening or what might happen now. I can't imagine not being with him, I've had horrible, shit relationships in the past. DP is the love of my life.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 16/03/2017 02:06

Nancy I don't mind being woken up as such. It was the brutalness of how he woke me and the fact I'm now wide awake and wont be able to get back to sleep for a few hours.

I know thread has moved on and I hope you call police as soon as you can, OP and get rid of him.

Just wanted to say he shouldn't even be waking you up needlessly in a gentle way and you don't have to accept this as 'winding each other up', especially as it's one sided in his favour.