To chuck water over 'D'P?

[FringyFringe]

DP went out after work and said he'd be back late. I didn't sleep well last night so went to bed early.

He came in at 10.30pm and woke me up to watch a film with him. I didn't wake up right away, he whipped the bedsheets off me, tickled me then got a cold can from the fridge and put it against my skin repeatedly.

We do wind each other up alot and once I'd got over my initial 'just woken up' grumpiness I did see the funny side. I went to make us something to eat and when I came out of the kitchen the fucker was in bed, zonked.

I've taken the duvet and the pillows off the bed and he still hasn't moved.

WIBU to chuck a glass of water on him? I'm wide awake now after my sleep earlier and for no good reason

*cant say that it WILL be

OP...he WILL start on your son. I never knew a man who was violent to his partner but good to the kids. If nothing else, what will happen when your son is 15 and sees his stepfather/mother's partner attacking his mother like that? Or finds out about it?

Teenagers are difficult and teenage boys often clash with adult men in the house. Your partner's shown what he's capable of. What do you think will happen between them?

Your picker has been seriously damaged by all the abuse you have experienced. Please take it from those of us fortunate not to have suffered the same damage as you, and GET OUT. This is not behaviour you can come back from. Throttling you against a wall while screaming and swearing at you is ONE STRIKE behaviour.

If he were a decent man underneath it all, he'd end the relationship himself because he would realise he cannot be trusted to be safe with you.

OP, you and your DP are sweeping this under the rug. Oh, I'm sure you've 'talked about it', but that's not the same as doing something about it. And something should be done. At the very least, he should be seeking counseling because either the tendency towards DV is already there OR there is something in his life that is bothering him enough to allow him to lash out violently against someone he cares about. Either way, there is something he needs to deal with that he is not. And until he does, the possibility that he may lash out again is very, very real.

I know I have a bias against it, but the pranking needs to stop, it really does!

You are right Across, messaging him tonight and it turns out there is more goimg on than I realised. While I don't want to go into detail about it here, it is not as black and ehite as him just turning and showing his "true colours".

He is troubled and shouldn't have ever taken it out on me the way he did but his behaviour, while not excusable, was not purely a fit of rage because he's an aggressive person.

He was done in when he got home, totally defeated so I've let him go to bed. Hopefully now he's opened up about everything we'll be able to look at how to go forward properly.

I'm really not trying to minimise this, but having been in a position before I know myself and I know where there's a pattern of abusive behaviour. This was off the scale in terms of how serious it was, but there really hasn't been anything concerning until that moment.

I know what people are saying about my picker being off, but I spent many years single after my bad relationships, I'm a different person now to what I was back then and i've had other relationships since that whilst they havent worked put, have not been abusive.

My son knows nothing about what happened and DP and him love each other very much. They have a lovely relationship, probably better than I do with him at times. I wouldnt put his wellbeing into question- he is the reason I found the strength to leave my other relationship.

Sorry for typos, texting whilst lying on your side isn't easy

OK, so there is something going on. Fine. Now what is he going to do about it, or more to the point, about his reaction to it? Because there are things that happen during all our lifetimes that we really can't do anything about. A shitty boss, an imminent redundancy, the serious illness of a loved one. These are things we can't do much about. But we can and should be able to deal with them without lashing out physically or verbally against someone we care about.

He's given you a reason excuse for his reaction. He still needs to deal with it to ensure it doesn't happen again when 'something else' comes along in his life.

You are putting his wellbeing into question.

If that's your decision nobody here can tell you otherwise but don't fool yourself. You're putting your abusive boyfriend ahead of your son. That's your choice and you should own it.

I get you OP.

He is troubled and shouldn't have ever taken it out on me the way he did but his behaviour, while not excusable, was not purely a fit of rage because he's an aggressive person.

Counselling. You can't do this on your own. What's he troubled about?

Hate to say it, but I'll wait for the story after its finished .

You deserve so much better !!

OP, would you accept the excuses if it had been your son he throttled?