To chuck water over 'D'P?

[FringyFringe]

DP went out after work and said he'd be back late. I didn't sleep well last night so went to bed early.

He came in at 10.30pm and woke me up to watch a film with him. I didn't wake up right away, he whipped the bedsheets off me, tickled me then got a cold can from the fridge and put it against my skin repeatedly.

We do wind each other up alot and once I'd got over my initial 'just woken up' grumpiness I did see the funny side. I went to make us something to eat and when I came out of the kitchen the fucker was in bed, zonked.

I've taken the duvet and the pillows off the bed and he still hasn't moved.

WIBU to chuck a glass of water on him? I'm wide awake now after my sleep earlier and for no good reason

If your windpipe still hurts two days later, he used some real serious force and has caused you damage, bruising at the very least. This is a criminal offence. People go to prison for less than this.

OP I really hope you can leave this abusive excuse for a man. To choke someone for even the most brief amount of time is such scary behaviour. I know the law doesn't see it this way but really it's not far off attempted murder. Please get away, there will be a next time and who's to say that next time he won't lose his self control. You're trusting him with your life.

NaiceBiscuits you're so spot on with everything you say. Abuse isn't always as obvious as many people would believe. My ex was never technically violent but he was the scariest man I've ever met and loved to cause me discomfort that verged on pain. When the thought crossed my mind that I needed to hide the knives in my kitchen because of his temper I knew he had to go.

Well he's gone AWOL.

Not home when I got back, no answer on the phone, not in his usual watering hole.

Not sure what to make of that. I didn't ask him to leave.

Hang out the bunting, OP. Now get yourself to a solicitor.

Thats extremely selfish behaviour, designed to make you worry and run around town looking for him. I'm sorry OP

I text his mum, he's there.

At first I was upset because it would have been nice to meet him for a drink or come home and tell him how my night went, then it dawned on me how things are now and I suppose it's ok that he's not here.

And nothing of value was lost.

Tell his mother what he did. I know the first instinct is to hide stuff but I know if my sons lady told me he behaves in that way I would have many words to say to him.

It takes away his control if people know.

This is classic abusive behaviour. To make him the focus, and possibly encourage sympathy. Otherwise he would have told you his plans rather than leave you hanging.

He is dangerous. Read the Bancroft posts, look at WA etc. Do not let him back until you have processed it al. No matter what your hopes are for the future.

He tried to strangle you.

Didn't you suggest him staying?

Maybe he's terrified himself and has no clue what to do. You suggested him staying there and he has run with it.

There is never an excuse for violence but It could be that he had some kind of psychotic breakdown. I genuinely have no idea. It's the only even vaguely plausible non sinister reason I can think Of.

Whatever happened he needs help to figure out why he did it. You can't just carry on without knowing why this happened and how to stop it ever happening again. You need to get out or figure it out.

Your life is at risk here so don't gamble with it. Whatever you do next please make sure you are safe. Your safety is the first priority alongside your child's safety. If he doesn't know why he did it you have no way to be sure it won't happen again.

This isn't a normal reaction and it will be a shock to you to see such out of character behaviour but please don't minimise this. His reaction was extreme and incredibly dangerous.

Whether he's doing this to manipulate you or not, this time on your own is a good thing. Use it to relax as much as you can and try to 'regroup'.

If there's someone you can talk to, call them. It may help you to see things more clearly.

If your neck/ windpipe / throat is still hurting Op, please do seek medical attention, it's easy to do damage in that area and you really need to get it checked out

OP if I was young I was let this be a stark warning to him, as it was the first such incident, he was provoked. Not that it excuses what he did. Let him know if he does anything like that again to your or DC then without question you'll take it further.

I think pp's have said about pranks, I think you've had a really good example of why you should not engage in such behaviour again. It sets a bad example to DS if anything.

I hope you're ok, I hope this really was just a one off and never happens again.

OP, I would call the police. What he did was assault.

Don't call nor text him to find out when he's planning to come back. As pp stated he's trying to hoover you back in. He is abusive. Start making plans to leave him.

OP he may have done damage to your throat. Get it checked out and don't let him back in.

Nobody is provoked into strangling someone. Ever.

So he's just pissed off to his mother's without saying a word?!
Sorry but, although I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt in earlier posts on the slight chance it was a one off, I have completely moved away from that now.

I agree with the others, deliberate tactic to keep you hanging, wondering and second guessing yourself.

Don't let him back.

Why would you call him to find him?

This is designed to make you worry so it'll all be forgotten. Trust me.

I know you don't want to hear it. I know you don't want to believe it's true. But abusers are text book. And he'll following it page by page.

I didn't read all the comments, I didn't see that he hadn't come home, im really sorry. I would be wary as it's like he's trying to put the onus on you. He started it, he totally over reacted. This does look like the pattern of behaviour for abuse, so I would be worried.

Not so sure about second chances now. He's acting like a child, probably trying to justify what he did, but there's no justification.

Just don't feel bad about it, he overstepped the mark, if he feels guilty that's his problem. He can't go, yeah but you did this to provoke me.

I'm really sorry OP.

Don't apologise, don't beg, let him do his thing. Don't believe for one minute this is anything you've done.

OP he's playing you.

You need to tell your family and his family what has happened and that you need a bit of space.

They need to know what he is capable of especially when he try's the classic poor me routine.

He needs to know that you will stand up for yourself and will not allow yourself to be manipulated and abused. You are worth so much more than him!

Please please please don't chase him. It's an instrument to vacuum you in.

Does his mum know what he's done?

He came home, he'd gone there for.something to eat and fell asleep on the couch.

I've tried to talk to him about what happened but he's not acknowledging how serious it was. I don't think he really cares how scared I was or that he's hurt me. This is normal for him though, he generally shuts down if there's anything big to talk about.

His mum doesn't know what happened. We usually have a really long lie together when DS isn't here, but I've just had to get up. My head is spinning and I go between wanting to just pack a bag and go somewhere or trying to find a way past it when we have the time and the space to do so without DS around.

There is no way past a violent man who throttles you against a wall and bruises your windpipe. The only way past him is in a fucking ambulance. If you won't leave this cunt for yourself, leave for your son. They generally do start on the kids at some point, and if your son ever finds out what he's capable of, they might even have a punch up between them.