Hold me back people.... how can I refuse this...

[isthismylifenow]

I know I am posting in relationships, it certainly isn't regarding a relationship, but just an example of what shit I have to deal with these days being recently single...

This is because every married man (note, friends of mine so I am friends with their wives too) seems to think I am so bloody desperate that they need to 'offer their services'.

Go out for the evening with bunch of friends.

Get home to get a message from one of the husbands saying I looked great that night..... He has something to tell me, I should take it as a compliment although he is a bit shy to tell me. Cue me getting uncomfortable, so I reply, 'no thanks I don't want to know.'
Next day I get a message saying he has to tell me, I need my confidence boosting and continues with a message saying:

I had two erections last night. Once when you arrived and once while you were dancing. You shouldn't look down at yourself like you do. You should appreciate yourself. Just letting you know as I am your friend.'

WTAF!!!

My reply "don't message me again".

Fucking arsehole!

Fucks sakes, how can anybody take that as a compliment anyway. Makes me feel sick.

So Match's comments put you down while letting him off the hook. Brilliant.

Well if it was me I'd want the chance to make an informed choice about keeping a twat of a husband or a good friend. And if the OP is so easily dropped, perhaps this woman isn't really such a great friend.

How about: 'Oops. Embarrassing. You must have been a bit pissed last night and accidentally sent me a text meant for your wife. Shall I forward it to her for you?'

Think he'd get the message.
Or you could text your friend to meet up for a coffee and chat. Let him sweat.

I wonder if it would any great surprise to his wife if she was shown the texts?
If she thought she was married to a wionderful man, I would be more tempted to tell her - so that she knew what she was really married to.

I expect he has form. It's such a crass and reckless thing for him to do. I would be surprised if he doesn't have plenty of previous.

'I cant help it im ridiculously good looking, body to die for and fun to be around and have a certain hold over men. '

I think the OPs response to his text was perfect: "don't message me again".
If you ever do show his wife his texts - she will see your clear response.
A clear don't message me again, cannot be mistaken for banter, flirtation etc. It's offers zero encouragement!

The deluded man thought you would be flattered. Even if his hopes did not stretch to real life sex, he was probably hoping that he could get some flirty messages back. Something to stoke his sad ego.

Stroke :)
Mind you - stoke works as well!

Genuinely don't know why you wouldn't tell her?

Have you never heard of 'don't shoot the messenger', except that people always do. Having seen this happen in a variety of situations, it's nearly always the bearer of the news who bears the brunt.
And setting off what is effectively a bomb in their relationship; who wants to be that person? Yet I also agree that the OP has done absolutely nothing wrong. He's a shitty sleazebag, and this was all so bloody unnecessary.

I'm sorry, but by not telling his wife you are an awful friend.

Your loyalty should be to her, not her sleazy husband. She will be far more heartbroken when she one day kicks him out for this then realises everyone's known for ages that he texts any female whose path he crosses.

Well yeah but the op is now leaving it up to this shift of a man to spin it any which way he chooses. My money would be on him trying to make out the boot was on the other foot to get back at her for not shagging him. Much better to get her oar in first.

As I see it you have about 24hours here to get your head around this and tell your friend without her being able to use the why didn't you tell me sooner weapon in attacking the messenger.

It could be a case of "speak now or forever hold your tongue." I don't envy you. What an arsehole.

What Gatorade said, in spades.

I like what Ineedmorelemonpledge put. Where you need to protect yourself, OP, is where the wife goes through her dh's phone and comes across this message...this way you make it crystal clear you are not playing.

I was on the receiving end of this once. A friend told me my ex had been playing away. I was nothing but grateful to her, and upset no one else had told me. However, you know her best and if she is not going to leave him....don't tell her as it will sour her marriage forever.

I'll bet he thinks he's got some "special medicine" for you too

Boak

DrScholl, are you insinuating that im not all that cos I am. Even my mum says so, so there

you strike me as very vain

Carly Simon, now there is a thread derailed if ever there was one.....

Those lyrics must have rose up from a similar experience to the OP's.

My friend's partner acts like this. We told her. She fake laughed it off and told us he was joking. He wasn't. When he did it to the next friend, she also her but approached it as I know your partner messes around like this but I don't really find it funny. That way she was still being told it was happening but was free to fake laugh it off to us. We had told her but she was free to act on it or hide it by fake laughing. We all stayed and still are close friends. She is still with him and she's found out he is doing it at his work place now too.
Could you approach your friend in that way? Telling her that you know he is messing around but you didn't like it.
I know it isn't messing around and is totally disgusting behaviour but it allows you to remain friends and your friend to handle it however she wants.

How about: 'Oops. Embarrassing. You must have been a bit pissed last night and accidentally sent me a text meant for your wife. Shall I forward it to her for you?'

I know this isn't any laughing matter, but actually that's brilliant

I would rather say nothing than say you know "he was messing around". She would want to see the text, and it is clear from that, that he is not joking.
That would be his response also, if she ever got wind of it "that it was just a joke."
It also sounds like the OP would be excusing his behaviour.

I wasn't trying to imply to excuse his behaviour at all. Either way OP will not get an apology from him. I know he was probably messing around but .... it allows the op to tell her friend, still make clear she didn't approve but still saves her friendship and allows her friend to confront/ignore/ltb/ or whatever wants.

I totally understand that you are not implying that - it's just that it could come across that way.
If he gets copped he will come up with the 'it was only a joke" line. I honestly think it would be best not to comment on why he did it (even with good intentions). I think it would become far too complicated and it could even get him off the hook in a way.

I think the OP said earlier that she knows that the friend would stick with him anyway. That's probably where he gets his confidence from to do something so reckless, he knows his wife won't leave him even if he gets caught.
It's really sad.