A man pays for coffee for a first date,,?

[mydshines]

I have a date tomorrow. First date was n years. I am excited for the date for numerous reasons mainly I'm over my ex. However we are due to meet up tomorrow and he kept saying we can go to the park, for a walk.

I said no and a coffee will be fine. Anyway my friend was like you don't meet a stranger in a park .
Anyway back to the coffee date. I believe a man should pay for your coffee. Or offer to get you a next one.
Is it a complete deal breaker if you meet someone for a coffee and they don't pay. I completely split if it's like a real date
But I think we'll if at least doesn't offer it shows up a red flag.

It's .

Don't overthink stuff or be too rigid or make dramas or definite statements about things

it's good practice to always have enough money to cover everything and your transport home. I agree coffee is preferable to a walk. I think over time you can get a sense of whether someone is tight or not? And don't ask lots of strangers if you feel something is " off"- just detach.

What I think really is unattractive - male or female- is overthinking, calculatng people who don't just go with the flow.

I know men and women who go "I turned her down because she didn't do X" or "there is no way I'm seeng him again, he didn't do X".

It's less about getting to know someone organically and more about "proving" they're the kind of person who knows better than other men or women and doesn't get Ripped Off ( we ALL get ripped off or waste our time sometimes, it's part of life)

Eg In real life I know men who say they don't accept X,Y,or z from a woman and they don't do gold digging behaviour

( and then you think - hang on matey, Last year you were so fucking desperate to get the "hot child free twenty something " even though you're a mediocre looking unfit forty something with young kids, you paid out a fortune on dinners...( and then labelled her a gold digger because she didn't have sex)

so someone is telling porkie pies here... ( or trying to prove something about yourself)

Or other women who are quite adamant that they ALWAYS do X or don't do Y (whether it's casual sex or letting someone buy them a drink or paying for their own drinks...) and you think "disconnect with past behaviour here!"

So also I wouldn't take "definite statements" from other daters that seriously. Just use your own judgement, don't over invest, and be kind to yourself.

Also I agree with pp's . If someone is rude about X ( whether it's paying or holding a door open or whatever, you DONT HAVE to see them again) job done, no drama. What's the problem?

I think the majority of men who make these claims about all these mysterious "feminazis" have spent too much time reading shit newspapers and overthinking and working themselves into a rage .

Or they are the types who think displaying basic human courtesy entitles them to social and vaginal access to the hottest, youngest, women in their social group or on the street.

When I was younger and relatively personable physically, often men who were a lot older, a bit "weird" looking, unfit ( smokers or weight issues) would latch onto me to "start a polite conversation" , blatantly ignoring women their own age. Some of them may even have wanted to pay for a coffee if I rejected this offer, no doubt this was proof to them that "those there females" were all feminazis who didn't appreciate chivalry.

Sorry to be sceptical, but did that really happen?
Yes, I've had it happen twice once as a teenager and once in my 40's so its not common but has happened, I think some people like to find something to be offended by!

I've had it happen twice once as a teenager and once in my 40's

Have a guess at how many times the average women has met a man who thinks that they are friend-zoned, or is owed something, or has had some bloke think that buying them a drink entitles them to something, or been told they have an issue for accepting or not accepting a compliment/drink/date/number. More than three. Many, many more than three.

I've seen shooting stars more times than this has happened to you.

I think this is also a generational thing. I think 40+ men are more likely to pay and expect to pay. Men under 35 expect the bill to be split 50/50.
Obviously this is just a generalisation based on my own experience

Back in the 90's most men would buy you a drink in the hopes of a conversation and nothing more. Or maybe I was just lucky

Right - I think you're right! It's generational thing. DH and I dated in the 90s and are now in our 40s. He would generally pay and I would book things that were pre-paid sometimes so as to feel it wasn't totally one-sided. Or I'd suggest we do something free or cook him dinner.
Very few women want free nights out ime. Its not about the money, but more about the gesture.

rightknockered Similar experience here, I think age does come into it, men over 50 particularly offer or just pay. I snuck to the bar to pay when older male friend who wouldn't let me pay popped to the loo the other day.

I want to know how this coffee date went OP, chop chop, its getting dark!

I think this is also a generational thing

Really ?
I'm in my 50s and we (no-one that I used to go out with / hang around with when we were young) wouldn't expect a date to treat us just because he was a man

I mean, it's nice to be treated, but it's also nice to treat someone else. Nothing to do with what sex they are.

Also in my 50s with a DP in his late 50s. We split things and always have.

I'm surprised by that Back and Anne. Possibly though people kind of start as they mean to go on? DH is the type who always felt he had to pay and tbh it kind of followed through after we got married as I've never worked since having kids. Not that I feel beholden to him in any way, it's all family money these days, but that's how it panned out.

When DP and I met we were both older, with kids already. He earns more then me, but in the beginning I certainly had a chip on my shoulder about paying my way.

As I said, our first date, I had coke, which he bought, and I dropped him home which roughly equalled the taxi fare - I think my cokes were cheaper to be honest!

Hi all the op here.
We had the date and yes he payed for the coffee but however I did had my money out. And thanked him politely.
He was very nervous and very shy. His hand was shaking.

He informed his mother who was delighted with the ,(date) and the possibility of grandkids. I don't think they be a second date but it was nice to meet someone and just have a chat .
I told the reason why I don't meet anyone at the park and he got it then.

You're not compatible. The dog thing should tell you that. If it was a success and ended up in a relationship then would you expect him to get rid of the dog to 'impress you'?

You think the fact have a vagina entitles you to be a freeloader? It doesn't, you're just a freeloader. I'm embarrassed for you.