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Original poster

A man pays for coffee for a first date,,?

189 replies

mydshines · 09/03/2017 15:44

I have a date tomorrow. First date was n years. I am excited for the date for numerous reasons mainly I'm over my ex. However we are due to meet up tomorrow and he kept saying we can go to the park, for a walk.

I said no and a coffee will be fine. Anyway my friend was like you don't meet a stranger in a park .
Anyway back to the coffee date. I believe a man should pay for your coffee. Or offer to get you a next one.
Is it a complete deal breaker if you meet someone for a coffee and they don't pay. I completely split if it's like a real date
But I think we'll if at least doesn't offer it shows up a red flag.

OP posts:
yecartmannew · 09/03/2017 16:55

I think that in this case, he suggested a walk, the coffee was your idea so you should pay.

I would expect him to offer to pay for the next one though.

hippyhippyshake · 09/03/2017 16:57

So he suggested a free walk in the park and you suggested a coffee? Of course you should pay!

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 09/03/2017 17:00

So because you've got a vagina you think your date pays? Why?

Not buying you a coffee on the first date doesn't mean his tight or doesn't like you it simply means he lives in the modern world and believes women can pay for themselves.

Even when I started dated dh 20 years ago I paid for myself!

ImperialBlether · 09/03/2017 17:02

No, to be fair, it doesn't mean he's tight, but it doesn't mean he's not, either. It all depends on the guy.

shovetheholly · 09/03/2017 17:03

Whaaaaat? It's a coffee! It's like £2! You can't judge anything about someone's financial or romantic attitude from something so minor.

Pinkheart5915 · 09/03/2017 17:03

A RED FLAG if he doesn't at least offer? Confused Wtf? Ok so you meet a man that is perfect polite, easy to talk to and appears to be caring but he doesn't offer to buy you a coffee is that a red flag these days? You wouldn't see him again because of this red flag?

It's 2017 having a vagina doesn't mean you can't pay for yourself

Hillfarmer · 09/03/2017 17:05

Some men are scared of feminists ripping their heads off if they dare to offer to foot the bill or open a door for them, or any chivalry for that blah blah aw fucking diddums.

I'd never date a man who was scared of feminists. In fact I've resolved never to fuck one who isn't a feminist, whoever gets the coffees.

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 09/03/2017 17:09

Would no one else feel weird and grabby and exploitative demanding some guy you don't know properly pay for everything? Or is that just me?

Not just you! It's more of a red flag to the guy if you expect him to pay for everything! That must be a MASSIVE turn off...

SherlockStones · 09/03/2017 17:10

Hillfarmer

Men can't be feminists, so you'd be fooled by a pretender.

This thread screams, 'I want equal treatment except in the following situations.. ". Feminism means equality, and that means paying your share.

BackforGood · 09/03/2017 17:28

Good grief - it's a coffee!
If you aren't prepared to invest £2.50 in a date, then perhaps you aren't as ready to start meeting people as you thought you were.
I certainly wouldn't expect him to pay, anymore that I'd expect to treat him, but, whichever way it worked out, it certainly wouldn't be worth splitting the bill nor deciding you weren't going to see him for a 2nd date on the result of this momentous call Hmm

I really think you are going to be short on new relationships if you are going to decide, in advance, that you are not going to see someone again just because they didn't treat you to a coffee Shock.

Some blokes believe in equality just as much as some women, and would be cautious of offending some women by offering to pay - they just can't win, can they?

Why not go wild and have 2 coffees, then one of you can buy the first and the other the 2nd.

Quimby · 09/03/2017 17:29

You invited him to go for a coffee, you pay

BackforGood · 09/03/2017 17:33

Oh, also not sure what is wrong with a walk - sounds like a nice thing to do to me. Stroll around the park for a bit then move to a coffee if you choose.

SimonSmithsAmazingDancingBear · 09/03/2017 17:35

Men can't be feminists, so you'd be fooled by a pretender.

Why not?

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 09/03/2017 17:36

Men can't be feminists, so you'd be fooled by a pretender.

Are you being serious Sherlock?

A walk in a park can be a bit secluded. It is much safer to meet a stranger in a crowded place and let people know where you are.

WellErrr · 09/03/2017 17:38

Men can be feminist allies.

OP it's 2017. No he should not be expected to pay for you. If you dump him over this then he's had a lucky escape.

heateallthebuns · 09/03/2017 17:41

I think you should offer and he should refuse. Anything else is bad manners. It doesn't reflect your actual attitudes to who should pay or feminism. It's just both showing you're making an effort to be polite. After first date doesn't matter anymore. Have you watched first dates?

JumpSturdy · 09/03/2017 17:44

A little off topic, but isn't there a world of difference between a "red flag" and a "deal breaker"? To me the former signals a genuine danger zone - not merely a turnoff.

Also no, men aren't obliged to pay. It's nice if they offer, but it's nice if any person offers to pay for the other.

Original poster
mydshines · 09/03/2017 17:45

The park that he suggested is a bit isolated. And he wanted to bring his dog. I'm not a dig lover.
And a quick snoop on facebook on his page. That he always tagging himself here and there.
And basically he is a stranger in my eyes.

And I'm not starting the same old crap with my ex .
I remember my friend had a second date with some guy. He gave her flowers he paid for everything and I was like I wouldn't mind a bit if that

OP posts:
JumpSturdy · 09/03/2017 17:46

Men can't be feminists

The fuck they can't.

harleysmammy · 09/03/2017 17:49

This is the most out dated thing ive ever seen. Why should he have to pay? Why cant you pay? "Equal rights" and all that shit but we still expect men to pay for dates?? Will never understans

Original poster
mydshines · 09/03/2017 17:51

My ex was so tight with money. He wouldn't do , holidays, movies, coffee shops, pubs nothing and I swore to myself.
That next guy I meet won't be like that. At the end I was too afraid to say anything to him.. because it will start on fights.

I don't want to do strolls in a park
Maybe 4/5 date.
I used to that with my ex as its free. I want to go out and have fun while we still can. And I do think if he at least offer a coffee to meet it's show a red flag to me

OP posts:
HakeLively · 09/03/2017 17:51

I wouldn't want to be 'love-bombed' the way you describe your friend's date OP. Only the second date is a bit too soon to be given flowers and have someone pay for everything. They don't know you properly st all bit you them; that would make me feel uncomfortable and obligated towards them- you need to keep an equal playing field.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 09/03/2017 17:51

You do realise a date is for two people to each decide if they like the other ?

Not all about how well he treats you.

HakeLively · 09/03/2017 17:52
  • and you don't know them
Toobloodytired · 09/03/2017 17:55

Believe it or not. I went on a date with this guy, he was 25 (that's not the shocking part lol).

When we started to order at the bar, his words were, do you mind paying for your own?? Just I feel if we don't see each other after today or nothing "happens", then I think it's a bit unfair I've then effectively wasted my money on nothing. Hmm

I then publicly embarrassed the poor guy in front of everyone (not hugely intentional), simply because the guy at the bar added my drink to this guys bill, so I politely said "could you remove my drink please, I will be paying for my own! As he's worried he'd have wasted his money if he doesn't get sex at the end of it!".

The guy at the bar laughed, the guy I was with was hugely hugely embarrassed and said "oh I can get your drink it's not an issue".

Then tried to tell me how he made it sound worse than it really was!

Then I met my ex who attempted to go Dutch every time we went for food!

No! You are paying, end of.

I paid too, we eventually did the whole you pay then I pay.

If a man doesn't pay, leave him!

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