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Original poster

A man pays for coffee for a first date,,?

189 replies

mydshines · 09/03/2017 15:44

I have a date tomorrow. First date was n years. I am excited for the date for numerous reasons mainly I'm over my ex. However we are due to meet up tomorrow and he kept saying we can go to the park, for a walk.

I said no and a coffee will be fine. Anyway my friend was like you don't meet a stranger in a park .
Anyway back to the coffee date. I believe a man should pay for your coffee. Or offer to get you a next one.
Is it a complete deal breaker if you meet someone for a coffee and they don't pay. I completely split if it's like a real date
But I think we'll if at least doesn't offer it shows up a red flag.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/03/2017 19:33

It's like the 1950s. Red flag? Seriously. I feel sorry for the poor man. Let's hope you live up to HIS standards.

^ this.

It isn't a red flag!

Are you expecting men to over compensate for the fact your ex was tight, because of you are you are going to be bitterly disappointed.

It's ridiculous

Biggles398 · 09/03/2017 19:34

Have two coffees... one of you buys the first "round", the other buys the second. Job done.
OR If he pays for the first and you don't want to stay for another, thank him and offer him some cash. If he takes it, fine, if he doesn't, fine.
OR If you end up paying for your drink / both drinks, it's only a couple of quid.

MamaMagellanic · 09/03/2017 19:34

Terror,** you don't have to agree with me, we're not on a date.

It's my opinion, the OP is asking for opinions, in a public forum. My opinion is yes, the man should pay on a first date. Yes, I'd offer, if my offer was accepted there wouldn't be a second date. Just as I'd expect the door opening for me, it's good manners and an indication of respect.

I pay my share thereafter, usually starting by paying for the second date.

Chivalry and feminism can co-exist. I like romance.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/03/2017 19:36

Yes he should. Tradition.

I know I've had a nap but have I woken up in the 1940s?

Hmm
Hillfarmer · 09/03/2017 19:39

Ooh Terror you sound just my type!

GatoradeMeBitch · 09/03/2017 19:39

First date and you don't know each other - buy your own stuff!

If for no other reason than he may be the "So what do I get for my £3.50 investment?" type.

However if he wants you to pay for his stuff - run for the hills.

TheNaze73 · 09/03/2017 19:46

Have two drinks & buy one each. Splitting a fiver would be embarrassing. To expect a man to pay will suit some however, it is 2017

ShatnersWig · 09/03/2017 19:47

Mama You say you like romance, which presumably means you like being bought flowers occasionally? Have YOU ever bought a partner flowers. Men like romance too, you know. Like respect, it's a two-way street

Christinayangstwistedsista · 09/03/2017 19:49

How did you meet him?

TerrorTwilight · 09/03/2017 19:50

hillfarmer Grin

I just think it's patronising and patriarchal in the extreme for me to go "I'll get these" just cos I'm a man. Going Dutch or taking turns, surely? Otherwise I might as well rewind 60 years, pick you up in my Hillman Imp and take you to the Lyons Corner House to see if they've got Jerry Lee Lewis's latest on the jukebox.

I was raised very largely by my big sister. She'd kick me square in the nuts if I patronised a woman like this.

sonlypuppyfat · 09/03/2017 19:52

I've never paid for a thing when I've been on dates, ever.

HastyShopper · 09/03/2017 19:53

Totally.

It might be 2017 - but many women are still ending up pregnant by a man who then starts sucking his teeth about financially supporting his family.

I can earn plenty well myself - but penny pinching at the outset would really make me question how tight he'd be if I was fat,hormonal and effectively dependent.

Mind - I always offer to pay for coffee - man or woman. It's manners to make it a joint social event.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/03/2017 19:53

I have a lovely, generous, gorgeous DH and everything was split dating. Met in a bar. We bought our own drinks. First date he asked me, he paid. Second; me. And so on.

Makes a lovely, level playing field where no one 'owes' anything, no ones time is purchased, no one is weaker, less important or beholden.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 09/03/2017 19:54

sonlypuppyfat are you proud of that?

sonlypuppyfat · 09/03/2017 19:54

More than

ReturnofSaturn · 09/03/2017 19:54

An old roommate met a guy from OLD for the first time in a local pub.
He turned up with a can of lager in a carrier bag.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 09/03/2017 19:55

Don't you feel like you are selling yourself if you take it to the next level though?

Original poster
mydshines · 09/03/2017 19:57

Thanks for the suggestions. Some of them funny. Some of them food for thought. Re dog issue. He didn't seem to impressed. As he would had brought it for a walk. I wonder does he expected me to pat it. He lives with his mammy. So not rent and mortgage issues.
Well I like to meet them in daytime. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a pub setting. I genuinely not a pushy person but. I like for him to offer me a coffee at least.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 09/03/2017 19:58

sonly I actually think that's disgraceful.

redwinewhine · 09/03/2017 19:58

It's an interesting one. I personally believe that whoever asks the other out on the first date should offer to pay. If it goes well then the subsequent dates should be split.

sonlypuppyfat · 09/03/2017 19:59

No, where I grew up me and most of my friends mainly worked in shops etc, where all the blokes had pit jobs or worked in car factories and earned four or five time what we did, and they took it as an insult if you tried to pay

Original poster
mydshines · 09/03/2017 20:02

Old. But I chatted to him on facebook. I would be putting in a effort in how I look and hopefully we can have a nice time.
Maybe he made might surprise me.
I wouldn't say anything to him. If he doesn't offer to him. And perhaps he never want to see him again. But his cousin added me the other day and if he asks for feedback.
I tell him straight. He didn't offer or bought me coffee

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/03/2017 20:04

I tell him straight. He didn't offer or bought me coffee

Sorry but that is really really shallow.

MamaMagellanic · 09/03/2017 20:04

Glad you asked Shatner, I bought lots of little gifts for my DP after our first date and continue to do so. Not flowers, he doesn't care much for flowers, but things he's interested in and would like to receive as a romantic gift, yes.

Funnily enough, I've never met a man who likes flowers.

Yeahfine · 09/03/2017 20:06

Have you posted about him before? If it's the same person, I remember your thread where you had major doubts about meeting him and you mentioned the dog.

Anyway I think a walk in the park is fine. It is usual ime for the man to pay for the coffee but I always offer and if we get on well enough to have a second, I would pay for that.

I went out with one man briefly and on the first date he said, all women want is my money and my body. Turned out he was a cheapskate and couldn't get it up Confused.