A man pays for coffee for a first date,,?

[mydshines]

I have a date tomorrow. First date was n years. I am excited for the date for numerous reasons mainly I'm over my ex. However we are due to meet up tomorrow and he kept saying we can go to the park, for a walk.

I said no and a coffee will be fine. Anyway my friend was like you don't meet a stranger in a park .
Anyway back to the coffee date. I believe a man should pay for your coffee. Or offer to get you a next one.
Is it a complete deal breaker if you meet someone for a coffee and they don't pay. I completely split if it's like a real date
But I think we'll if at least doesn't offer it shows up a red flag.

Ah "I would be putting in an effort in how I look". I remember someone on the dating thread a few months ago saying she would never pay for a date precisely because the man should be grateful to be on a date with her and the amount of time, effort and money she'd put in to looking good.

Shameful.

I'd always offer, but I'd expect the bloke to as well. For either of you to make no effort to pay would be weird IMO. Never met a guy who was insulted by my reaching for my purse - how strange.

Sorry auto corrected. Him as in me.
I see how it goes. I can't wait to update you . My aunt to s single and she has a great time with people and she always goes on dates with dinners and she expected them to pay.
So if he can't pay for coffee than its a sign of more to come.

Well he suggested a park twice. He said to me any suggestions?
And I steered to a coffee meeting if he had asked me about the park I would have said my concerns.

Yeah that's him.

FWIW i would have gone with the park easier to talk without direct eye contact. Coffee seems a bit unnatural.

Is he bringing the dog?

My aunt to s single and she has a great time with people and she always goes on dates with dinners and she expected them to pay.

So she always expects men to pay? Maybe remind her it's 2017?

You keep rambling on about how tight your ex was.

Yet you don't want to pay for yourself.

Ok.

Not offering to pay is not a 'red flag'. It really isn't.

Piglet The reason the aunt goes on lots of dates is because each man disappears after date 2 or 3 when they realise she's only after them for their wallets

I think having a great old time at other people's expense is pretty mercenary.

I agree that in so's case the wages gap makes things interesting. But surely expecting men to pay reinforces the idea that men need to be paid more.

Screw that. Equal pay; equal buying coffee!

Piglet The reason the aunt goes on lots of dates is because each man disappears after date 2 or 3 when they realise she's only after them for their wallets

That thought had crossed my mind too.

Why should he pay? Thank God for equal pay, votes for women etc. Buy him a coffee. Court him a bit if thats important

It really isn't a red flag. Your attitude to this date is very odd. If you don't think he's for you, carry on looking. If you meet, you should really go Dutch. Why should he pay just because he's got a penis?

I'll just leave this here:

If I've been asked out, I always offer to pay, although I won't turn it into an argument. If I'm the one that's asked him out, I insist on paying.

TooBloodyTired: "If a man doesn't pay, leave him!" and "I don't see it as "I have a vagina so the guy has to pay"." - so why does he have to pay?

TerrorTwilight - totally agree. If a guy offers to pay, I'll get the second round. Or vice-versa. Exactly the same as if I go out with a friend.

For a man to pay the entire bill at the end of the night is massively patronising. Why should he? I don't need looking after - I earn my own money!

Well I've never been in a date where the man didn't pay or at least offer to pay. It's a date, not the "friend zone" hopefully. If he doesn't get that, it's hard for me to get interested tbh. If I was really certain I didn't want to see him again, I would insist on paying for myself though.

It's only a coffee OP!

If he doesn't get that, it's hard for me to get interested tbh.

So men according to some must pay....

So much for equality hey.

Two coffees each on the date. You each buy a round. On account of the fact that it's not 1953

I like this courting thing to me it just shows that they don't think men should be or want to"courted" by getting stuff paid for them or made to feel special and to me infers that they think they are giving men something by choosing to be in a relationship with them whilst men don't to them.

Offering to pay is completely different to paying. I would expect BOTH parties to offer to pay. Actually paying should work out even. Splitting bills can seem a little cheap so turn and turn about, based on who asked who, works perfectly.

That way you are polite, generous and acknowledging your date's value, without one person being either a mug or beholden.

This is slightly different to friends, where splitting a bill is less cheap looking.

If the date is good, the coffee cost issue will pale into insignificance :)

Meanness/generosity has many faces and I don't think I'd fully judge this based on a cuppa.

And of course men can be feminists!

If I'm out with a friend, I just get the bill and she would say she'll get it next time.

DH always paid when we were dating. I did offer, but that's just how it went. It certainly hasn't led to a lack of equality in our marriage.

Why bother meeting him? You two are completely incompatible.

surely logistics work like this

One arrives ad gets their coffee and grabs a table.

then other arrives, says hello, gets coffee and sits down.

chat chat, and then one of the 2 offers to get the next one.

Then to be polite, the other person should also offer both a coffee but by then you are 2 coffees down and no one wants 3 coffees!

Gotta love the "I would pay for the second date" and "whoever does the asking out should pay" faux-equality brigade.

I wonder which fantasy land they live in where it isn't the man expected to do the asking 99% of the time and second dates always happen to balance out the first.