Please can I have perspective on these texts from H

[ChangedForAReason]

Hi. Name changed.

Not a loaded question I just need outside perspective on the way my H talks to me (this is common but not all the time).

Thanks in advance.

Hey op

If you are going to stay can you at least find some self respect? Are you really going to tolerate your own husband speaking to you like that???

Is that what you are worth? Where do you draw the line?

this man will not change, he will slowly destroy your inner self, he will make you feel as though you are good for nothing.

I wonder if he is being nice to you right now? Mr nice/mr nasty? You always waiting for mr nice to come back?

Walking on eggshells - trying to prevent his next outburst at your character flaws? Sadly you will never be able to do that - because he will always find something.........

I understand you have put a lot into this relationship but if you left you would gain so much and not waste the next twenty years of your life with this excuse of a man.

Next time he threatens to divorce you - call his bluff and tell him to get a move on!

Oh and abuse does not go under the radar of children - family dynamics are sewn into little minds from day dot.

I don't believe this man can withhold his obvious contempt for you on a constant basis so I'd bet my house that they have an opinion on your relationship.

He is indeed a piece of shit. And an illiterate one at that.

OP, please stick with this thread and continue to take people's comments on board. I've been where you are and it does seem like more of an effort to leave, but it's absolutely worth it. He has absolutely no respect for you and this won't ever improve. Even if you tell him you want him to leave and he promises to change after the initial rage and threats, he won't.

I'm outraged on your behalf. How fucking dare he speak to the mother of his children, the person he supposedly loves, like that? You are worth more than this.

You say he's a great father but I honestly can't see how he's even a good human being from those messages. My ex became a far better father once I left and he realised that his behaviour had actual consequences and he couldn't just go around treating the people he 'loved' like dogs and speaking to them like shit.

You can't stay in a relationship like this because it will disrupt your children's lives. It isn't worth you living with this colossal bastard and putting up with his crap. The kids will adjust, be fine and will ultimately end up with better, healthier views of relationships, as PP have said.

It won't be easy, but I promise you it will be 100% worth it.

You know, baby steps OP. You don't have to "deconstruct" anything yet but I really think seeing a solicitor, or ideally two, may open your eyes, so you can see future positive choices. He sounds awful. ps I'd keep any nasty or aggressive communications to you - you never know when you might need them (legally).

You could be with him for another 40+years!

I bet the dc show him lots of love.
Maybe even fawn over him to an extent, behave really well for him?

They do that to keep him sweet, they know what he's really like.
It's fear, they are desperate for him not to turn on them.

If hes literally allergic to mess then he should stay away from anywhere messy for the sake of his health...
If there was no pre-nup and your name is on the house then you'll get at least 50% if not more.

Oh, he's an insecure abusive terrible cunt.

Tell him to get to fuck with his threats. Trip to a solicitor, pronto.

Nobody gets to speak to you like that. Dick.

After ignoring me since this exchange, I've just had this.

I've also booked a solicitor's appointment for 4pm today.

That's a good move.
I don't think for a minute that he has hurt his back, one that is magically getting better just at the last minute but has you running round to make it all better.

And yes re the house, you have been together long enough that who brought some money in the pot in the first place doesn't make any difference.

He's a wanker. Also he medically trained? Amazing if not how he diagnosed himself with a slipped disk!

Please don't worry about his threats re house and kids - a solicitor will advise you but it is not how it works.

Good luck OP, really hope you find the strength to leave this man, it absolutely will be in the kids best interests.

Oooo he's good. A text you have to respond to.

Turd.

Slipped disk . You posted the bottom of the screenshot of the last message. See you in court. Then asking for your help.... no apology..... bonkers!

Ha ha, he slipped a disc but it's magically better in an hour? Tosser.

He may benefit from googling his 'injuries' before he claims to have them...

From www.nhs.uk/conditions/Slipped-disc/Pages/Introduction.aspx#Treatment

Treating a slipped disc
It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain.
Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time.
In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve.
Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve.
It's very important to keep active if you have a slipped disc. Moving may be difficult to start with, but you should start to move around after resting for a couple of days.
This will help keep your back mobile and stop the joints becoming stiff and the muscles that support the spine becoming weak. Keeping moving will speed up your recovery.
You should only exercise gently to ensure you don't put too much strain on your back. At first, avoid high-impact exercises, such as running, jumping or twisting, as they may cause the pain to flare up.

The slipped disc text is just a means to get a reply from you, confirmation you had read the texts and were choosing to ignore then.

Well done OP.

Sorry, do you mean he is a SAHD or he works from home?

Why does he refer to himself as 'your husband'? Is this a cultural thing?
You make sure you get to that appointment at 4pm.

Err..... what a miraculous recovery

Why does he refer to himself as 'your husband'?

The phrase "your marriage" also stood out to me. I can only imagine saying "our marriage" if I was talking to my husband.

It feels like standing at the bottom of a huge mountain without any of the right gear and unsure if I should take my kids all the way up without knowing what is on the other side. But I'll take this first step. Thank you.

That is probably a really good example. Except for one thing. Approaching you and the children fast whilst you are standing at the bottom of the mountain is a man with a gun intent on destroying you all. Climbing the mountain is dangerous and terrifying and you don't know what will happen if you do. But it is your best chance of keeping your children safe.

Children see and hear far more about their parents' marriage than you can possibly imagine. I know all sorts of things about my parents' marriage that they would be shocked - their money worries, the fact that my mum hated being a SAHM. They thought they hid this from me.

Chloe he works from home, but he can pretty much choose how much and when. He does the afternoon school run 4 days PW. I do mornings 5 days PW and afternoons 1 day PW. Me leaving work is not something I can do lightly btw.

he is reading mn and has seen your thread?
leave him.

God I hope he is reading this....

🖕