Please can I have perspective on these texts from H

[ChangedForAReason]

Hi. Name changed.

Not a loaded question I just need outside perspective on the way my H talks to me (this is common but not all the time).

Thanks in advance.

I think you would be better off without him.

Yes, he has always spoken to me like this. In between being charming.

We have been together for 17 years, married 10. He also told me yesterday that although I've always worked, because he bought the house if I leave him he'll take everything including the children. My name is on the mortgage of this house but he's right - the capital came from the sale of the last property, which was his.

"messy chavyness" now theres a new genre of messiness!! Personally I think he needs psychiatric help!

He's not right. You need legal advice.

who's coming within 2 hours?

Is your house on the market and are people coming to view the house? (It's still absolutely no way to talk to you)

No it was the national grid, he could smell gas (I was at work)

Wow he's a real cunt. He's wrong about the house, and likely the children too. Get some legal advice ASAP. And keep the text, you can use it as evidence of unreasonable behaviour.

He sounds like a fuckwit.

I am sorry. Nobody should be talking to you like that. Especially not someone who is meant to love you or even care of you a little bit. Nope.

He may need some help with that anger.

Knickers is right; he won't automatically get everything if the house is sold. If that were true, DP and I would be able to afford to buy and his ex wouldn't have walked away with most of the equity in their old home after not contributing to their mortgage for 17 years! Might be worth getting advice on what your position would be should you choose to split up.

So you're a working Mum, but it's still YOUR job to keep the stairs cupboard tidy? Was this discussed and agreed at some point, or does he assume that housework is your job?

I also think you need legal advice, as I don't think he's right that he can 'take' everything. I'm guessing that in his head he sees you as a primary care giver/cleaner/cook but on his evil fucking bastard days you're a lazy cow who does nothing and you won't get MY house or any of MY money or MY children.

LTB. (I"ve never posted that in my entire Mumsnet history).

He is a knob, that is allyouneed to know.

ChinUp, reading your post it feels like you have utterly nailed it.

Christ, I'm so screwed.

How dare he talk to you like that, you're his wife! You know the person he's supposed to love, cherish and respect!

You may well be mildly/quite/very/chronically messy, I don't know. Or messiness may be the stick he chooses to beat you with.

He's not right about him keeping the marital assets. Get yourself legal advice on the quiet and I'm sure they'll set your mind at rest. You're married, you have rights.

Sensei, you could be the messiest person on the planet and that method of communicating would still be unacceptable.

I couldn't tolerate being spoken to like that and in your shoes would be contacting a solicitor,

My name is on the mortgage of this house

Excellent!
So it doesn't matter where the money came from.

He can't boot you out and take the kids. He's trying to scare you.

If he's father of the decade, he can keep the wellies and everything else in order.

Under stair cupboards are known to be a bit messy anyway.

His tone isn't good at all.

Does he think you are going to leave him? It sounds like he is trying to threaten you into staying with him. The way he speaks to you is appalling if those messages are anything to go by!

No
Everything you own belongs to both of you jointly as you are married
Joint assets
And he can't take the children either.

Find a solicitor, they give you some free advice

I'd leave him. This is the kind of thing ex h used to say to me.

Hugely abusive. Seek legal advice and phone women's aid OP.

Cussing, I am not suggesting it is in any way acceptable. I was being sceptical but I realise that didn't come across in how I phrased my post. What I mean to say is:

Basically, OP, this is the issue your DH uses as his pretext for abusing and threatening you. Forget whether or not you actually are messy. Focus on why your DH thinks this appalling treatment is acceptable.

Horrible patronising condescending threatening demeaning belittling
Who the fuck does he think he is? Is my gut reaction

Legal advice on this one, definitely, OP. Maybe see two solicitors to get a definite idea where you stand legally and financially. As well as sounding like a vile man threatening divorce by text over an untidy cupboard under the stairs he sounds nuts to be honest, so I'd get all my ducks in a row whilst carrying on as normal. I think he'd be quite unpredictable if you stood up to him. So really recommend you to get legal advice. Its amazing this can really clarify your thinking and plans.