Please can I have perspective on these texts from H

[ChangedForAReason]

Hi. Name changed.

Not a loaded question I just need outside perspective on the way my H talks to me (this is common but not all the time).

Thanks in advance.

How can you love a person that is treating you so badly?
I don't think you live him. You love one side of him, the one that can be charming, the one you got with when you first met. You still love a memory.
I would be surprised if you love a guy who is treating you like a skivvy, has no respect, is happy to insult you etc...

As for children world, do you think that world I s good enough to try and save it? Do you want them to grow up learning that this is how you treat women? That there is no need to respect them at all?

Me too Changed. He's the only man I've really ever had a proper relationship with. How long has yours been talking to you like this?

I'd save his abusive texts and see him in court. The arrogant prick.

Just who the fuck does he think he is!?

NotYoda

He's projecting like mad, we don't need to be armchair psychologists to get that, it's as clear as day!

yes

My parents had lots of rows and unpleasantness when I was a young child. It was a hobby of DSis and I to discuss when they would divorce/Mum would leave. That was our reality, unless your children are very young, they will be the same.

Not Yoda: since I was pg with our first but it has ebbed and flowed over the years. Worse and worse as he has become unhappier in himself.

Are your children worth less than 20 years of shared history?

No Bishop. That's why I'm still here. They are happy kids with creature comforts and I know - I just know - they would be unhappier and worse off if I leave H. He's vile to me

(In private).

I'd be locking him in that cupboard with every other bit of crap I could find!

OP, I'm not justifying his text at all (he sounds horrific) but do you both work full time?

Men who behave like this are is simply unable to acknowledge their own unhappiness, stress, depression or feelings of inadequacy and simply wreak it on the close people they can hit out at. It's very very sad. I've seen it in my family.

I work full time. He works from home. (I know...!)

He can still be a father to them. Just not at your expense.

There is no way your children are not picking up on the atmosphere and his horrible behaviour. NO WAY.

Tell him you'll make sure your next husband can spell properly.

He hates himself and much of what he says to you is more about him than it could ever be about you. His inferiority complex, his fragile masculinity, it all feeds into his hatred of you. And he does hate you.

He'd likely not fight for the kids, he can barely form a sentence. He's a prick.

He hates himself and much of what he says to you is more about him than it could ever be about you. His inferiority complex, his fragile masculinity, it all feeds into his hatred of you. And he does hate you.

He'd likely not fight for the kids, he can barely form a sentence. He's a prick.

The way he despises you is not done in "private". Unless your dc are deaf and blind they see the atmospheres, the sulking and the way he talks to you.

Your kids would be relieved. Honestly.

I don't really know how people can kid themselves that children aren't watching and listening to every little thing that is done and said ; and every atmosphere that develops in a house. They soak it all up.

You say you love him...but how can you possibly love someone who is so vile and verbally abusive to you?
Are you sure its not just habit after 20 years? it cannot leave you with warm fuzzy feelings when being called nasty names, it would leave me livid and planning to escape him!
Speak to a solicitor fast.

If he is going to "spell it out" to you could he at least do the spelling correctly?

Assuming you are not someone with major hygiene/mess problems and your home is not a health hazard, the level of rage he feels about a spot of untidiness is quite alarming.

Tell him his spelling and literacy show no sense of self-pride.