Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Waving you had my type of evening.
I have no likes

I'll have to drink more gin and then send witty messages to my 3 likes.

I cant really be arsed actually.

another bumble guy is trying to arrange a phone conversation. I'm the opposite of overinvested with any of them.

Bant, thank you for your long post on the old thread, I think your spot on, I also think women do the same as men do and I am guilty of it ( talking to many men, backing off from the less exciting ones etc..).

I woke up feeling pretty down about everything so I hit the gym for a hour where there was some good eye candy, really fit man, tattoos and a slight beard, I think he noticed me looking him up and down. Would love to meet someone at the gym or anywhere off line really but it seems much harder to approach people in RL , no one really talks at the gym, most people are wearing headphones and seem to be concentrating on doing what they are doing.

Education, that's exactly my experience of Match... The morning after the sub ran out, suddenly I have 50+ views and been added as favourite a few times. The trick with match is to log in occasionally, and then see whether it throws you a special offer. I had a month for £5.99 last time ! If it doesn't give you one, suspend the account again for a few weeks.

Waving, I'm in on OKC for London ( and Tindr ) Also POF for Northampton as of about 20 minutes ago ! 48 years old. Jason Statham lookalike. You can't miss me .

There's a moral dilemma ? what if we do meet someone from the thread by mistake ? Does one of us have to leave mumsnet ? My devious mind thinks that two people sending toilet updates for the same date would be hilarious !

Update on Miss Portugal... I'm looking like I'll be her first ever online date. I have to set the bar high !

Please could I ask for some advice, fairly urgently, as not sure how to proceed with this.
Have been chatting the past day or two with 3 guys on POF, and they are suggesting that we move away from the messaging and swap numbers instead.
Call me old-fashioned, but I would tend to give a man my number as late as the day of the date, in case the arrangements went awry. Is it the norm to give it out sooner?
They are saying that it's better to speak than message, but don't know how comfortable I am with this so soon.
Thanks!

Dieu,

I am normally okay giving out my number, but then I'm an ugly bloke and don't tend to worry about my personal safety.

How about you suggest a skype call on the computer ? That way you can create an account without your real name etc... and talk to them as if it's a phone call. You don't need to use video, just voice.

RLD.

I have given out my number when start talking dates. But think you've got to go with what feels comfortable to you. I don't like talking on the phone much but messaging for a bit before a date is nice though no real advantage if on or off site I guess?
Following rock 's message I have Not thought of it from a personal safety pov before. What could happen from giving out your number? Am I being naive? If someone was a nightmare you could always block them?

Dieu, I give my number out, some people prefer to use apps like KIK to communicate, I don't mind giving my number as you can always block if you need too.

difficult one
In my vast experience of two dates in more than 30 years
One man gave me his number and I called him.
The other I gave my number on the way to the date.
Haven't heard from either of them, so that is ok ... from a safety point of view.
You could have another sim for dating ...

But I do think that at least half of men who ask outright to move on to phones really early are after random sexting - surely it should be natural and mutual? - the phoning, I mean, not the sexting

I have had a couple matches on bumble but I never know what to say in a first message, have matched with a really good looking bloke but I'm to scared to write anything , have had loads of batches on tinder but hardly any messages, just one guy telling me he likes my eyebrows

rock you are in my "catchment" area for both london & northampton. But I haven't met a Jason Statham lookalike yet

I usually give out my number after I've been chatting for a day or two but only if feel comfortable doing so. I figure I can block them if necessary.

I wasn't intending to use my OLD photos for anything else. Just a bit sad that I hadn't got any others. My Ex took all the photos - digital & albums

I'm an IT spod, though not so much as InfoSec if he does what I think he does ( I used to do that stuff but a long time ago so not so current ). I have a HUGE paranoia when it comes to the internet and social media ( on any social media you are the product. Your information is sold to the customers of the company )

Think of personal information as little pieces of a jigsaw. The completed picture is you and all your personal info such as address, phone numbers date of birth etc... That's the golden nugget as far as scammers are concerned. Each little piece doesn't sound like much, but given two or three pieces, you can be identified easily, located easily and potentially compromise your online accounts ( banking, OLD, utilities etc... ). Social Engineering it's called in the trade.

It's not always physical safety you should be concerned about ( infact, that is really the least likely think to happen in terms of bad stuff happening ).

Not trying to scaremonger. They are real considerations, but let's remember, the vast majority of people you'll come across OLD are normal ( aren't they ? )

RLD you're in my catchment/demographic too! I like a bald bloke...

(I may not be in yours of course!). Ha ha if we match IRL. We'd only find out if we both posted about the date.

I've got bored tonight now. Spent too long on GSM. Haven't done any swiping on anything else tonight.

oh I don't mind giving my number out - it's easy to block people. I did close down the link between what's app and FB though. Still have quite a few blokes popping up on my FB who have messaged me. I don't doubt I'm easy to find IRL though if people want to find me.

RLD - in my catchment and age area too, eeks. I have myself down as living Bedford (am actually Peterborough but am moving to Bedford when the house all goes through) and I work in London.

I am in HR, but for a cyber security tech company, so I know all about social engineering.

Having said that, I don't mind giving my number out. Had the same number for many years and done OLD a lot in the past, plus less innocent activities, and no-one hassles me on my number. I don't use Whatsapp, or any instant messaging really.

I'm chuckling inwardly at catchment crossover here...

Enough POF'ing for one night. Bedtime for me. Goodnight all, tomorrow is a whole new week ! :)

RLD.

Dieu two blokes off Tinder gave me their numbers and it was up to me to WhatsApp them - so I did. I think it feels more 'real' than just going through Tinder as either of you can unmatch at any moment.

I've heard from Friday's lovely Tinder date. We're meeting during the week. It's my first OLD experience and I'm OI already.

Thanks everyone, for your thoughts on the phone number thing.
Problem was that I'm between phones at the moment, and have a crappy basic Nokia thing. So Whatsapp etc won't be happening! It would only be calls or texts.
A few men asked for my number today, and I said no ... for now. The thought of getting (and having to reply to ...) all those texts completely stresses me out!

I'm home from my date, and only mildly drunk.

Nice evening, she was very easy to get along with, we got on well.

There were a few moments when i thought possibly, maybe, potentially, I could fancy her. But many more when I thought I couldn't...

She was very photogenic.

She's messaged already to say she had a nice night. I think I have to reply and say I did too, and it would be good to see her again, but I don't think there was enough chemistry to date.

I don't want to end up going on dates with someone I don't fancy. Been there, done that.

Glad you had a pleasant evening Bant. That sounds like a good reply. I guess dating is as much about just having fun and meeting people as it is about an end product. So a nice evening is a positive even if there was no chemistry.

Hi everyone, couldn't get mumsnet to load on my phone last night and now I've missed pages of stuff!

In summary my date sounds just like Bant's! He (I think I'll call him Mr Art) was very funny and at points I thought I might fancy him a bit - at the end I thought he was going in for a kiss and I wasn't quite sure so we had one of those awkward dodging moments! We exchanged a few messages after and I think we'll meet again. I'm mostly looking for fun and company though, so no particular pressure to focus my efforts

I'm pretty relaxed about giving out my phone number, as others have said you can always block. I haven't really thought through the photo thing, my main profile pic doesn't appear anywhere else but the others are on FB. I'll have to reread your advice later!

Hi - does anyone here think a slow burn is a good thing? Met an iron a week ago after talking for a week. No instant spark at all but he was nice enough and good company so we went on a second date on Saturday and again, all good with a little kiss at the end. Still not entirely sure I'm feeling it but have said yes to a third date. He could be a grower but I've usually given up by now if there was no initial spark - what do you all think?

I think a slow burn can be great. I'm attracted to personality more than looks, although it's nice if they are also hot!

I've had a long term relationship with someone I didn't initially fancy because their personality sparked me. That isn't instant as you have to get to know them. And that's the bit that will last, after all!

Well I messaged last nights date to say it was a nice evening but I wasn't feeling the chemistry. We'd talked before about chemistry and spark. I have spark with my friends, we make each other laugh, but I don't fancy them. And sometimes I fancy someone but they're boring to talk to. Spark vs chemistry.

Last night we chatted a lot, it was nice, but no chemistry. She wants to know if it's worth meeting again.

I just can't see myself actually ever fancying her though. So, possibly we could be mates but.. I've never actually stayed friends with someone I met in a dating situation. I'm still friends with ex girlfriends, after we split, but not someone I had a date or two with.

So I'm not sure whether to make some vague comments about meeting up, whilst being clear that chemistry doesn't grow, for me, or what