Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Paranoia totally comes with the terrority of dating. On-line dating or real life dating or a relatively new relationship Lovemusic33

bant I hope she's not messing you around deliberately. Your date sounded amazing but difficult to follow.

I had a message from a guy on POF at the weekend. He looked nice and was just inside my travel limits. We'd only exchanged a few messages before he asked for a date. We agreed on dinner this Saturday. Since then I've heard nothing.
I want to cancel. But I'm not sure how to say - why bother setting up a date if you then go quiet on me. Or maybe I should just go with that.
Any thoughts?

Do you want to cancel because he hasn't spoken or because you don't want the date anymore?

I've posted about this before, runnny - if the levels of communication between two people isn't great, then it's natural for a man to not quite know what to say after asking a woman for a date.

Before then, it's always been a series of goals. Find someone to message. Get a reply. Get a conversation going. Ask for a date..

And then there's that limbo between asking for a date and actually meeting them.

If the conversation isn't naturally flowing via messaging, then it can be weird. What do they talk about?

It's not a red flag - messaging someone you don't know is unnatural, really, when it comes to human psychology. Why don't you send him a breezy message about something you talked about?

And no, I haven't asked MM about why she goes quiet. I'd get irritated if someone I'd met once or twice was checking up on me.. and that's what it would be, or possibly feel like.

Anyway, we'll see if we can arrange that second date. Nothing too much, just a meal out.

RunnnyMummy

That would annoy me. I like a week or so between 'meeting' them online but if a 'date' is arranged I'd still want to hear a bit from them.

I always think of the first as a 'meeting' rather than a date to be honest.

Thanks. I want to cancel because I haven't heard anything from him since Sunday.
I replied to his last message but also asked a question which he hasn't answered. I don't like endless messaging but I think he could've sent something in the last couple of days.
I might try one last message and see what happens.

Runny I'd send one last message just checking in. Start conversation going again and then see what happens

Baby I also think you should say about the second date not been as epic as the last but would be great to see her again

My date went well yesterday, not my usual type of guy physically but he had a spark about him and I'm not that shallow so going with felling.
Breakfast lasted 3 hours and a lot of coffee and tomorrow I'm at the hospital for an X-ray as I broke my wrist last week so he's picking me up and taking me lunch. Then it'l be a few weeks break as we're both on holiday so could sizzle out. I enjoyed his company though and had a nice kiss in the car park like a teenager

Sounds good Minop, good vibes there :)

Keep alert for this thread closing out we're nearly locked so it closes, look for the new thread.

When I want to take a break from messaging without leaving the guy hanging I usually say something like "I'm going to sign off now as I've got to start work/ go out/ my kids have just come home".

It's a funny thing this messaging isn't it. We all have different routines, work schedules, family demands etc.

I find it tricky as I don't want to be messaging masses during the day when I'm working, but peak time in the evenings aren't great either because I want to be present with my kids.

Pavonia that's what I find hardest. I might log in and send a few messages before I go to bed at 10, but by 10:30 I'm asleep and people get funny that I'm not replying. On the other hand I don't want to start every message with a warning that I'm busy (I generally am with a 3 yr old) or at work (when I'm not with my child).
Did I say I hate online dating?

I've never had a guy be funny with me about being slow to reply. I'm on POF. I wonder if it might be worth putting something in your profile along the lines of: 'I lead a full and busy life. I will obviously make time in due course for the right person, but in the meantime, please do bear in mind that I won't always be able to reply to messages straightaway.'

I e seem that on profiles before, but I generally won't message them as it gives the impression they're too busy for me.

Personally, I'd prefer to meet someone with children as I have them, and childless people don't necessarily get how kids come first.

And I'd rather not date anyone without a job, so everyone will have time pressures.

But.. on that same page in POF there will be a dozen other women, who don't give the impression that they're too busy. So I'd message one of them instead.

I'd save that kind of statement until you're early in the messaging phase with someone.

I can't see it being a dealbreaker Bant, if it's someone worth messaging.
And if it stops entitled eejits from getting arsey about not messaging sooner, might be worth it

Depends what job someone has as to when/if they can message you (in some jobs you can use your phon, others they have to be switched off or put on silent), I can check my phone at work but can't really reply to people until I finish.

I understand about the 'not dating people who don't have children' though I prefer to date people who's children are older or have left home, I can't be doing with men with young children (mine are getting older and I kind of want a child free relationship), I have dated men who have no children but they don't always understand that I need to work around the dc's and can't drop everything to meet up with them, there's also the added pressure of them wanting to have kids in the future (no way I want anymore). I only date people who are in work (most men seem to be) it doesn't really bother me what they do though I stay away from people in the armed forces as I don't fancy dating someone that could disappear for months.

Hmm I see what you're both saying. Maybe if I've got time to post on here I have got more time than I think to reply to messages, I just can't be bothered to prioritise.

I messaged the guy asking if he still wants to meet on Saturday cos I hadn't heard anything from him.
His reply "still want to meet"
I'm hoping he's just really bad at messages and better in person. Or it could be a long evening.

RunnyMummy was that all he said?

That was it! The rest of his messages haven't been very long either.
I agreed to the date thinking we'd spend the time between getting to know each other a bit

If there is no banter or humour in the messaging, then I won't meet up with them.

Are you still going to go? It could turn out to be the best date ever - maybe he just doesn't like texting x

Dieu I like humour and banter - the guy I've been on a few dates makes me cry laughing sometimes at the texts he's sends - I like that in a man x

My worst exchange recently:
Me "Hi, it looks like we live really close, I'm in X"
Him "have you got Viber"
Me "no sorry"
Him "download it"

pavonia I've had that. Probably the same guy.
I will go on Saturday if I don't get a better offer