Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach - POF does have that facility, I use it after a slew of 'hi' messages, it has a choice of 50 or 100 characters I think - it's in message settings.

You can't stop the 'Hi there ;)' though because that is what the 'flirt' sends - I only just worked that out, mortified that I had sent one of those.

Out thank you!! Applying that filter now...

Right, I'm all clean and perfumed and made-up and I've put a skirt on and everything. All I can say is it better be appreciated . Does everyone have a 1st date outfit? Not too smart, but makes you look like you've made an effort ? I just realised I've worn the same one for the last 3 first dates in a row!

Glad it is not just me with soulmates I was beginning to think I was undateable. I don't think I was punching above my weight either. Much more satisfactory action on OKCupid.

My date is in a couple of hours, we're meeting halfway at a place we can both get trains to, so we can have a drink. I'm tired of driving for an hour to have a shandy and make polite conversation with someone I don't particularly fancy.

And it's a bus replacement service today. What should be a 15 minute train journey is now an hour long journey, with a change en route.

Bugger.

elizabeth my first date outfit always seems to be black jeans and a top - I've just bought a couple more tops so I can branch out a bit.

MrCyclist still hasn't got back to me. Is it late enough for me either assume he's a no show or message him that I've made other plans when he does come back to me? (can you tell I'm not in the mood..).

I don't understand how I could meet someone on Soulmates if everyone else is having problems as I am the complete opposite of what guys go for normally! I am short (less than 5') and not well presented at all, not into makeup and live in my jeans all year round. To be honest though he looks way better in real life than in his profile pic so maybe that was putting other women off?

Although I do really like cycling and outdoors stuff so maybe that is attractive to a certain type of man?

Just back from my date with Mr Boxer. Nice guy. Very softly spoken so I struggled to hear him in the noisy coffee shop.
Not really sure he's right for me. And he had a big beer gut, which hadn't been visible on his photos. Looked about 10months pregnant. That put me off quite a bit.

WavingNotDrowning - he said 'yup, high quality Tinder date :smile: x' because he's been on Tinder for two years and I only joined last week. Since my last post I've sent him a funny screenshot from twitter and we've had a back and forth but he hasn't mentioned another date.

We spent six hours talking, I feel comfortable to ask what happens next but that might be a massive faux-pas? I don't know...

I don't think it's a faux pas to ask for clarity

Black jeans and a wrap top for me I think. I am a jeans-type, but decided to go a bit smarter and bought some black jeans recently, really like them too.

I wear skirts/dresses all week for work so unless it's a wedding or funeral I don't wear them at weekends.

Hello all,
Thank you for kindly saying I could join - weeks ago, now.
Well, I have finally signed up for OLD - despite being old (57 this year) and short.
Joined GSM and went on the first two dates in over 30 years - in one week!
I would like to say that that was a success - except it wasn't!
The first date sent out this wave of disappointment when he came to meet me - and practically asked me if I had lied about my age!
All very politely - and I suppose he could have done a runner - so not bad at all - only problem was hunger - I had gone to meet him at 7 - straight from work - starving - He didn't ask me if I had eaten and then, after half a coke said he had to run.
Needless to say, have not hear a dickie bird. As I say, the chat was very pleasant - just slightly bemused by the feeling I got that he felt I should be younger - my pictures are recent and normal (not taken with OLD dating in mind) although I probably did look a bit tired from work (and hungry!)
Second date was also nice enough - but certainly not someone I would ever have fancied in by dating days (willing to expand horizons as we had a lot in common) but he had only been single for a year after 25 year of marriage, and it certainly showed.
Not heard from him either ...
Went back to the site today - I have like three people - they have not even looked at me and there is no one else I like the sound of - let alone the look of.
Where now? all advice accepted.
and really sorry for epic post - thank you if you read it.

Och EFL sorry neither of your dates worked out. My advice would be not to dwell on them, and get right back on the saddle. There have been a few negative comments made about Soulmates on here. Might it be an idea to join another site, even if it's just a free one. Or there are sites specifically for mature daters.
Let's face it, you were never going to strike gold with the first two! It's a bummer I know, but it does tend to take longer.
Good luck!

Bant One of the reasons why I don't want to date outside the local area. I guess it depends where you live - if you're in a smaller town, you have to look a bit further afield.

HalfInLoveWithElizabeth I did have a really flattering dress, but I bought it months ago and have worn it out a bit on other occasions, so I think I'm going to find something else to wear this time.

OutToGetYou If you're a jeans type normally, I would wear jeans on a first date. I'm not so I don't - there's a fine line between presenting the best possible you and presenting a fake you. I look like me on a really really good day, which involves a lot of time with GHDs.

WavingNotDrowning I thought one of my dates had flaked on me, but I didn't get his message until late in the day. Felt awful about that. But like you, I hadn't been feeling it and didn't want to bother in the first place. If you're not feeling it - maybe listen to your gut.

educationforlife What's the saying...? You're only as old as the man you feel? I'm younger than you and when I looked at GSM (on a friend's recommendation), I was really disappointed. I have been getting the most dates/chats through POF. I'm having to do a lot of filtering because there are some creeps on that site, but it seems to have the most numbers. And this is a numbers game.

justmeand2DC GSM seems to be a bit hit and miss for people. I would say if you're properly into outdoorsy stuff, that's something not every woman is into, so could help snare the right man.

Education try match.com? I joined last week and got a lot of messages. Also joined Tinder which has been more interesting, to be honest.

Bant - Yeah, you're right. I guess I feel like I shouldn't have to ask for clarity because I thought we were on the same wavelength and I wouldn't have pegged him for a player. I am very disappointed.

EFL that sounds disappointing. It is a numbers game, so don't be too disheartened. Keep at it.
With regards to first date outfits I like to wear a leather skirt and a top with tights and ankle boots.

Thank you for kind words, Dieu,
Actually very upbeat and cheerful about the dates this week - both men were very nice - but I am at a complete loss about this whole dating thing.
I suppose I wonder what I look and sound like to men - it has been so long ...

EFL try a different site - I think GSM just isn't good - my experiences of dates from there (very few) weren't that positive either!

WMLB and Matthew Hussey (and also a new book I've read whose name I've forgotten) would say to not go out now - need to be high value and show that I'm not available at the last minute (or something!).

will drink gin instead I think

How is he a player, magnum?

Maybe he didn't read positive signals from you and wondering where he stands. No one likes to ask someone out thinking they're going to get turned down..

He could be a player, of course, but it's too early to write him off as one yet, I think

Gin sounds like an excellent plan waving. I hate it when they leave you hanging.

Thanks for encouragement everyone!
WND - high value gin gets my vote.

Hi education where are you based? I am not dissimilar to you, in my early 50s short (less than 5') and thinking that no one would be interested in me as I do not scrub up very well, don't like makeup and not willing to pretend to be someone I'm not. I live in London so I think that's an advantage as there were 100+ men fitting my age range of 50-65.

I joined in early Feb, liked 7 guys and 3 started messaging with me. One fizzled out and I arranged to meet with 2 after returning from a half term holiday which I did last weekend. One of the guys I had exchanged around 30 messages with and had a lot in common with. He's not someone I would have necessarily been attracted to on first glance but knowing that we had so much in common created some sort of bond and we got on really well during the first date. We then exchanged loads of texts during the following week and met up again last night for 7 hours. Things seem to be progressing extremely fast so either I am way too OI and it's all BS or he might actually be the one. In the meantime I have been keeping on looking on GSM and have only been liked by guys outside my age range so closer to 70 which I think is too old. What have you set your age range as because it does seem that most men are looking for someone a little bit younger, a lot of the men around my age are looking for women 35-45?

So I would say at our age there aren't loads of suitable men but you only need to meet one! I have a 65 year old friend who is going on quite a few dates through GSM but may have just met someone through a Ramblers walk. Have you tried any groups like Ramblers if you like walking or a Meetup group?

OK, I'm confused. After sending Beardy McBeardface a text to give him my number and confirm when we were meeting, he's deleted his OLD account and hasn't replied to my text. Now, not replying to my text would be fine, given we weren't meant to meet for a week so it's not exactly urgent, but it kinda looks like - bigger picture - he's left OLD.

Bets on whether this date will actually happen?

I don't think I could have been more positive, Bant, and he was holding my hand as we went from one pub to the next. Maybe I misread him and we didn't get on as well as I thought. Or he's had second thoughts because of my considerable amount of baggage. I wish he'd just tell me though.

Would anyone on GSM be willing to look at my profile? and comment brutally.
I did try Match a year or more ago when I was not really ready to date, so only seeing what the dating world was like.
Got not reaction at all - not a single message in months - strange think was, as soon as I signed off, all these messages (that I could not read) appeared.
go figure