Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

ThisIsTheRightTime I'm not sure, I have really bad judgement.
I would say not sending another message is best, he can reply to you as you've already sent an explanatory one. But I would not be able to do that myself. Knowing the right course of action and actually following it are rare things for me.

enjoying catching up with all the posts

Bant - those dates sound great, hope things continue to go well.

next question oh wise ones..... those of you who use pof and similar, have you ever been to any of their events / singles nights / big meets?! and if so, how was it?!

ThisIsTheRight Let it go.

After 6 texts in a row, I would just wait and see what happens. Probably nothing, so don't get hopes up.

Sent Beardy a quick text this morning angling for a date and now we're having coffee after work. I was of course immediate panicked - don't men know how much notice we need to look presentable?

Looking forward to it. This will either lead to a third date or the end, and I'd like that certainty.

PS I am too much of a chicken for a singles night. I am great with people, shit with groups. My inner wallflower comes out.

I'm getting loads of views and meet me and stuff now. Why was it never like this before? It's like I was missing from all the lists and now I'm there!!

InfoSec21 I went through a period of getting none of that. Realised it was because I had hidden my profile in a moment of frustration!

pringlecat I'm the same RE certainty, I hate vagueness.

letsbrowse01 I haven't tried any, too shy for that and don't think I would make a good impression tipsy!

What is the advice if you have an FWB? Don't want to tell him I'm on POF although made it clear I wanted a LTR, which he doesn't.

InfoSec21 and pringle
That's what I've had with POF.

OK, asking potentially a very silly question here but... how do you go about finding a FWB? I've been single for bloody ever and as much as I really want a relationship, a bit of fun would actually be great. Remind me what it's all about! People used to say "Tinder" but almost every profile I ever see the woman has some variant of "not looking for no strings", "if you only want hook-ups swipe left" etc

Thanks, GloucestershireGuy, pringlecat and Allthembuckets.

His ears must have been ringing as I've just come out of class and seen a message from him. He wants us to meet up.

Possibly, here in France (and I really do think this is true) people are a lot more expressive and fiery so maybe my six texts didn't phase him out.

My experience of French men is that they either love you or don't give a shit. I hadn't picked up you were both on the other side of the Manche, sorry. That being the case, I think there is still hope.

There are plenty of people on POF as well as Tinder looking for FWBs - look for 'not seeking a commitment of any kind.'

I'm suddenly nervous re tonight! I don't know why, I wasn't sure about him from the first date. It's not as if I'm expecting an Epic Bant Date or anything. (Yes, I am coining that expression. You know it works.)

GloucestershireGuy It didn't start that way and wasn't from OLD, seeing someone I met whilst on an evening out. Only clarified it as FWB last month. I certainly wouldn't be looking for that now, so not sure how you could go about it.

ThisIsTheRightTime Maybe, I have very little experience of French people. Their expectations may be different. Have you replied to the message?

Not yet Allthembuckets. I'm back to my usual cautious nature. I will respond but I'm still sceptical so I'm buying time.

pringlecat, I'm French and have been living here for almost twenty years. The whole dating, flirting thing? It's quite a different ball game. There's a lot more game playing and people generally get hotter under the collar for the slightest thing in all social contexts. Complaining and expressing one's emotions are as banal as talking about the weather in England.

Pringle I just did a search under "Casual dating/no commitment'. Hmm. Only 7 profiles in my age range (36-45) under that category of intent who have been online in the last week and one that was still said "no hook ups".

Allthem I do have female friends (none that I would sleep with, and most of them aren't single anyway) but none of them have a clue as none of them have ever had a FWB, only "proper" dating; some of them are very anti anything casual that isn't heading towards a proper relationship.

GloucestershireGuy

I used to meet them on AdultFriendFinder (AFF) or Passion.com (which is the same site but in pink, so more girl-friendly!).

But, it's a real eye-opener doing it. And you honestly have to have your wits about you. I guess you're a man - in which case you'd probably be inundated by people looking to be paid for their services (I did sometimes wonder if I should charge....).

And I reckon, if it still exists, it will have gone further downhill by now - though I note POF etc have cleaned up their acts with regard to allowing just 'hook ups'. So maybe AFF has dirtied-down its act to enable the hook-ups, who knows?

POF, if you scroll right to the bottom, seems to have an 'adult site' option, which is presumably where they send people who just want sex. With AFF men had to pay but it was free for women, no idea if that's still the case.

You could also try a swinging site, they have hook up areas/boards.

Men had to wade through a lot of dross to find genuine women who just wanted sex. And I got a zillion messages a day and had to really weed them out.

Course, now I just want a nice guy to take me to dinner - tumbleweed....

Out It's always amazed me to see how many women on MN have had or have FWB. I would absolutely much rather go on proper dates to find a relationship but it's not exactly happening round here so after such a long break it would just be nice to be, well, physical with someone.

I think if you live somewhere even semi-rural it can be low in numbers. Putting aside the 7 listed as "casual" mentioned in my last posting, there are only 60 women in my age range and ticking the boxes (such as non-smoking, must have a car etc) within a 50-mile radius who are active on POF and there's not one I want to message.

I wasn't looking for anything (dating wise; I was on a night out with a friend who had just left) and would have been happy for it to be an LTR.

I would assume it was harder to find in OLD or RL. It's hard enough finding dates!

GloucestershireGuy

I wouldn't have called any of them a FWB. None of them were the 'F' in that acronym. I'd never call on them for a chat or to help when my car broke down. That's what friends do.

I always just used FB, which is ruder but more apt.

I had rules - never saw them more than three times, never stayed over, never went to theirs, obviously rules around sex (but no different to the 'rules' I have about that anyway - more 'preferences'). Anyone tried any porn stuff on me they were history. Always met them at my local or a place I arranged, I decided if it went forward, they never paid for a drink, I never went to dinner. I never got in anyone's car. If I got even a hint of them being married or in a LTR they were gone.

(one guy did buy me an ipod nano, I really couldn't say no as I didn't have one....he was an exception, he was in the US army so I think he was used to girls in the UK wanting cheap stuff from the base).

Of course, as soon as I liked a guy all those rules went out the window. It's hard to do really.

GloucestershireGuy you could try Fab Swingers, but there's tons more men than women on there, but there are women who do want a FWB, go have a look!

Gloucestershireguy it's quite easy to find FWB or ONS on POF, probably a lot easier than finding a relationship. I have had FWB in the past but mainly people I have been friends with for years, I have had a few no strings attached relationships on POF where we have just met up for sex but I have found it hard not to get to involved and over invest. You need to make things clear from the start what it is you both want as things can get a bit messy.

I met my now-ex (who I am still living with until the house is sorted) on Fab. I am not a swinger, just used it the same as AFF.

I know you'd rather a relationship GloucestershireGuy, but could you alter some of your filters with a FWB in mind? I guess the smoking one is non-negotiable, but would a FWB need to have a car? Also would you consider stretching your age range?
My age range is 30-45, but I would probably go a couple of years lower for a FWB scenario.

My Match account got hacked today by a French guy! Twice.

Not sure how he got it the first time but completely no idea how he got it the second time. He definitely doesn't have access to my email address and it was totally unguessable and it was only in place for an hour. Can only imagine he has access to the Match database or something.