Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Yey info! Glad to hear it. You playing around with it must have boosted you in the searches or something

Had a good date with Beardy.

We get on, there's a spark, but we both want different things. It's sad. We both clearly like each other, but we're not right for each other.

Considering friendship. It's that or we bury our heads in the sand and get hurt later on down the line.

We're talking super boost here, it's nuts.

Ms Intrigue went quiet but that's probably for the best, she certainly went against all my usual guidelines!! She contacted me first though so at least I was just responding rather than ultra breaking my own rules!

Beardy and I have done the very grown up thing of deciding to stay friends. We've only been on a few dates, so can manage to be friends now - I think if we dated long term and then accepted that we weren't compatible, it would be harder to stay friends. We both really like each other, we both bring out good qualities in each other, there is a spark, but... but... we have very different life aspirations and we both recognise it.

I am glad to have met him and to make him a friend, but I am so bloody frustrated. Why, oh why, oh why, can't I meet a nice guy with whom there is relationship potential? He's such a lovely bloke, he really is, we just want different things.

I'm not about to start something where there's definitely no future. I don't mind starting a relationship and not knowing what the hell will happen, but I do mind starting one knowing it will definitely end in heartbreak.

pringle I have stayed friends with several old irons, I'm considering going on a date with one of them next weekend, we only went on one date and I just found him a bit boring although he is a lovely person. I'm going to suggest we just meet up as friends (some men seem to be able to do this, others don't).
Mr Mod, still being a pain, just not putting any effort in, working all the time and then sleeping as soon as he gets home so hardly getting any messages from him. Talking to one person on Tinder but he's obviously after one thing and is possibly married so won't be going there. Mr Drone messaged me to say sorry for being quite, said he had been ill, I replied and I haven't heard anything back. Mr chubby (someone I have dated before) kept trying despite me being horrible to him after he sent me photos. I seem to have a few interested but none of them really do it for me, though I would like to meet Mr Drone because he has a horse and is tall .

LM33 you always seem to have old faces popping up all over! It's annoying when you have a few possibilities, but none of them really do it for you. Kind of the same boat I'm in.
Mr Mod is a passive lazy arse!

Pringle that's such a shame, when you get on so well. No chance of just saying 'fuck it' and seeing where it goes?

Bant any word back?

Info get you!! I'm really pleased about your super boost.

I'm feeling a little flat today. Mr Band was gutted that I ended it, but I did it in a lovely way, and he really appreciated it. God, he ticked so many boxes, but I really didn't fancy him at all. Why does there always have to be a trade-off somewhere?!
Do you remember I told you about Mr BBC, who had been pressuring me for a date, while I was seeing Mr Band? Well, he sent me a text yesterday saying that he was on the verge of giving up with me. I replied that I understood, but that I had asked him to be a little patient, as I was feeling bad about Mr Band.
He then got back to me to say that he strongly believed I'm on the autistic spectrum, and he knows the signs because his brother has it. And it's best that he walks away because he already has his hands full with his brother!
Not blowing my own trumpet, but I'm a very empathic person (hence my sensitivity over Mr Band), and would do anything to help anyone out. I retorted that it was definitely me who'd had a lucky escape!
Ah well ...

Hello, the whole dating thing is not going so well for me. I decided not to meet Mr OI because his instensity before meeting left me cold. I have had a few messages from men who I know arent for me and I haven't replied.

To be honest I have wondered about having a break from it. I start a new job in two weeks and (finally) by children are seeing their father on a regular basis so I may focus on new job, regular exercise and meeting up with friends instead. Maybe then go back to it with renewed vigour!

As for long distances, it is a no from me. I will not move away from this area and my personal time is so limited I can't face travelling when I am not working. I do enough during my working hours. If I didnt have children I would probably feel differently.

Dieu I think we can diagnose Mr BBC as being on the idiot spectrum. Lucky you found out before meeting.

I have been talking to a couple of guys on Tinder and Bumble, but to be honest they don't seem very bright. I now realise intelligence is very important to me. Another one has just come along who might be better.

Thank you Pavonia

My instinct served me well there too, as it had been niggling at me not to meet Mr BBC. If I'd been keen, then I wouldn't have hung back so much, even despite my guilty feelings over letting Mr Band down.

You know, if there is one thing I've discovered since OLD, it's how finely tuned my spidey senses are. Instinct is such an amazing thing, built in to protect us. If something doesn't feel right, then that is generally always the case!

Lol @ someone diagnosing you as autistic over the Internet! Lucky escape there - I would avoid anyone who decided they had to psychoanalyse me.

My new iron, MrCar, and I had a long online chat last night, which was nice. We share a dislike of Harry Potter.

I've had a second message from a guy who messaged me and I didn't respond to, might respond tonight and see how that goes. He looks OK.

Honest opinions - met a guy on a dating website six months ago, went out on a date, got on great but both agreed we weren't ready for serious relationship due to our marriage breakups. Fast forward six months and we see each other normally twice a week, go to cinema, meals out, nights in at each other's house and stay over. Text each other numerous times. I'm really falling for him and worried he doesn't want a full on relationship - I know he's not seeing anyone else and has told me he's not while we've been friends. He's always planning things we can do in the future but I'm confused as to what he wants? Do I carry on how we are or have a talk to establish what's happening?

Bluegirl it depends whether you would like it to continue like this indefinitely, sounds ideal to me! I think you could genuinely love someone in that setup but not want lives to be further entwined. But if you would like to live together, or marry, or have babies then a conversation probably has to be had. Would you be ok to do that knowing that it might bring about the end of the relationship?

Thanks Pavonia. I love how things are at the moment but the insecure part of me is worried I'll get hurt in the long term. I'm scared to talk to him about it as I don't want to lose him. His family know about me, I've me his dad and he's told his 9 year old daughter about me and showed her my picture so I guess all good signs. We message numerous times throughout the day. I know we are more than FWB but not sure exactly what he wants long term. It's hard work this dating business x

For me, now, if I have sex, I'd be having the exclusivity chat first.

Well I'm off on my first day date. Going for breakfast with an iron I've had for a few week now. We tried to arrange it twice but life got in the way and just let it go but kept going back to chatting again. Because he's been quite a hot and cold iron I can't remember much about him so feels like I'm walking in blind.

Neither of us have slept or been out with anyone else while we've been seeing each other - we talked about it at weekend. I wish I was just brave enough to have a talk with him. I guess I need to x

I think you do need to - pound to a penny he's thinking the same and scared of losing you too!

You really must BG25 You could have a glass of wine first to fortify you!
Or do it in an email if you'd prefer? That way at least the other person has time to reflect on what you're saying.
Do it, report back, and good luck!

Thanks everyone:) I'm seeing him on Thursday so I'll mention it then. I'll report back x

Fab!

bluegirl, sounds like a chat is indeed in order. I hope it goes well.

Like a number of you finding OLD tricky at moment, Have dated a number of guys on and off line in last 3 months and just not found the one where I like them and they like me longer term. One interesting one says wants to meet but its not happening and get to the point where you know they are more interested in others.Will send a couple more messages I think. Also been getting huge numbers of scammers at the moment so its wearing always trying to work out if they are real or not. Maybe try a paid site for a couple of months.

BG25 hope chat goes well
Bant hope she gets her act together
Dieu huge reliance on my instinct here too -has served me well. So hard but you have done the right thing in both cases and what an idiot was Mr BBC
Info so interesting that things can change so much and hope you get some good dates out of it! Hope you get an answer fom Match!
Destinys probably scammer and got found out
Pringle so frustrating could the things you want change over time ?

Also I wouldnt go on one of those dating meet things. Find it easier one to one and dont fancy a big group thing

On my phone, so hard to reply individually, but...

We disagree on children. I think that's the biggest deal breaker there is. In some ways, it's great we found out so soon. And there are so many reasons why we are a bad match.

In other ways... our differences work well together. It's frustrating because we think alike enough to both recognise it couldn't work long-term.

I think I'm going to take a break from OLD. I feel good, it's not like I've had my confidence knocked or anything, but I'm not feeling it.

You know, I'm half tempted by FWBs. But that would be a car crash because I don't think either of us would be able to stay emotionally uninvolved.

Gaaaaaah!

Hey everyone. Getting messages from people including a reply from someone I messaged last night. This is much more fun now that it's working properly!!

I had a reply from Match. They said that sorry but because my account was compromised, they terminated it, it's fully gone. They offered a 7 day free pass by way of apology but I'd have to create a brand new account from scratch.

I told them thanks but no thanks, unless you can explain how my account got hijacked the second time. I know for sure it's not my email address as the problem.

I wasn't going to subscribe anyway so not fussed, especially now that POF is working well!!

Hello all.

MissMarketing stepped up, and we had a chat last night and are messaging again today. I'm slightly narked that we'd tentatively arranged to see each other on Thursday night, but she's made other plans - and I'm not free again until next week, as I'll have my kids at the weekend.

But.. given the intensity of the first date, plus the hours drive to hers, maybe meeting more than once every few weeks would be too much anyway