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Original poster

found my partner spying on me

403 replies

user1488448211 · 02/03/2017 09:55

hello. we are getting married this summer and found that my fiance has installed a spy program on his computer to check on me at home. basically, the spy program is video recording. he first denied he installed, i searched with him on his computer and showed him that he searched for it on google, he denied again that he searched. finally, he told me that: aaaa i remember, i forgot, i have installed only to see how works as a home security program. i know he is lying because the camera went live at the moment i arrived at home and this is strange. now, he is the one upset for this and not talking to me. what should i do?

OP posts:
SpringTown46 · 02/03/2017 09:57

Breathe a big sigh of relief that you discovered this before getting married. Huge red flag. Walk away.

Rubyslippers7780 · 02/03/2017 09:57

Leave. He is spying on you and he lied.

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2017 09:58

Personally I'd let him watch you pack his stuff and throw it out. You can't possibly think of marrying this man now.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/03/2017 10:00

What Spring says.
Having a check on a phone when you know your OH passcode and he knows you know is OK.
Installing spyware!!!???
No way!
What do you think he is trying to find out.

I've been checking today in case my phone has it.
I don't think it has and I'm not with dickhead Ex now anyway.

Heatherjayne1972 · 02/03/2017 10:01

Do you need to ask?
Run. Away. Now
Do not marry this man

Holly3434 · 02/03/2017 10:01

Where is this camera recording to? Is this in your bedroom? I wonder what he's trying to find you doing, either way this is very very weird behaviour I'd dump his arse

Justaboy · 02/03/2017 10:01

Have you asked him why did he do that and what were his reasons?

Unless he's an out and out wierdo, did he think you were cheating on him in some way?

LemonBreeland · 02/03/2017 10:02

He isn't speaking to you, yet you have done nothing wrong. This speaks volumes about him. No way would I marry this man now. You don't know him.

BrownEyedLady · 02/03/2017 10:02

This is really quite serious. Was he searching home security? If not then you need to seriously think about the relationship. Can you speak to your friends and family? They might have picked up on other things that you haven't and kept quiet about. They might be willing to speak up now. In any case, you'll see their reactions and see that this is not ok.

ijustwannadance · 02/03/2017 10:03

I wouldn't marry him now either. Poor fucking baby upset he got caught and gaslighting you into accepting his explanation.

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2017 10:05

Which room was the camera in?

MrsDustyBusty · 02/03/2017 10:05

Oh I'd be contacting wedding suppliers and guests today and telling them to return outfits and cancel orders.

That wedding would not be happening.

Have you left spy house yet?

Original poster
user1488448211 · 02/03/2017 10:06

i've asked him to be sincere with me and he told me that this has nothing with me, he just installed as a security system, he played for a while and forgot to delete it. but first he told me that he didn't search for it on google, that he didn't installed it..after that the program was installed with another program which was not true..and then oh suddenly he remembered that he installed to see how it works as a security system when i came with the proof. he insists he didn't do this to spy on me but i believe he is lying. i don't understand why he cannot tell me the truth and talk about this. i didn't do anything wrong, so i don't really understand this and why he cannot be sincere and continue to be upset and not talking to me.

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 02/03/2017 10:06

XH used to do this with dictaphones all over the house (in the days before spyware). It was part of a wider pattern of abuse. Escalation is the only form abuse takes, it starts "small" and escalates until you don't recognise who you are any more. LTB.

user1488448211 · 02/03/2017 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1488448211 · 02/03/2017 10:07

sorry the message was posted too many times :(

OP posts:
GirlElephant · 02/03/2017 10:07

This is bizarre & intrusive behaviour, I would end it

ijustwannadance · 02/03/2017 10:08

Is the camera doing the recording motion activated or remote activated? (him logging in to switch on?)

notapizzaeater · 02/03/2017 10:09

The fact that he doesn't trust you and wants to spy on you would have me running to the hills - he will only get worse ....

Original poster
user1488448211 · 02/03/2017 10:11

is in my own house, we live together and the computer was in the room we spend more time there and the computer is always there. i kept telling him that i don't believe because the led of the camera turn on when i came in the room. and he keeps telling me that he hasn't done anything to turn the camera, but i believe that he connected from work and turned it on. on the other part, he works in security IT, but too many lies..first that he didn't searched for it, after that he forgot, that he installed with other program (the other program was installed in another day)..so it seem to be just lies..

OP posts:
BrownEyedLady · 02/03/2017 10:11

Why didn't he tell you at the time what he was doing? It is intrusive enough that he should have told you. He'a back peddling now. The additional lies inly shows he was still trying to cover it up. Only when confronted with irrefutable proof is he admitting to it. I really would end this relationship. You've got a massive signpost shouting at you about the direction this relationship is heading.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 02/03/2017 10:11

Surely if he was looking at home security systems he would discuss it with you? I know my DH would.

He is talking bollocks. You need to get rid.

MrsDustyBusty · 02/03/2017 10:12

If he works in IT security, there is no way he'd forget that he installed it.

So what do you think you're going to do, OP?

Holly3434 · 02/03/2017 10:12

A computer that records videos into a room will do what with a burglar? The deterrent is a camera outside but once they are in it's just Nick and go, oh yeah and the camera will tell you you've been robbed that's all. He sounds like a pathetic little boy

Holly3434 · 02/03/2017 10:16

If I was you I'd go searching for camera's as you can get some the size of a pin head, hidden in pens all sorts find them, and before you lob him find out where this footage has gone. Also tell his family what's happened as I assume he'll go live with mummy she got a right to know

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