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Original poster

Can't cope with DC alone, ex moving away.

193 replies

KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 21:07

Ex and I have 3 dc, 6, 8 and 11.

We divorced 3 years ago. He has DC a fair amount, two days one week, three the next. We share weekends and weekdays/school runs.

I moved out of the city were we lived in order to afford a bigger house. The school run takes 3 hours a day but I was happy to do it as it was shared.

Ilive with my partner and we have a new baby.

Ex has decided he's moving to the other side of the country and will be seeing our DC every other weekend...

This is shit beyond belief for them, and I just don't think I can cope with the lengthy school runs and suddenly having them on my own for so much more time.

OP posts:
Kikikaakaa · 21/02/2017 21:56

He's not completely abandoning them and no one has been told the reasons why, so it's not appalling. He's still going to see them.

For all we know he could be moving to care for a sick relative. Or for work. We don't know

Starlight2345 · 21/02/2017 22:00

I often see thread on here where RP wants to move away and it is always think of the NRP and the childs right to a relationship with the other parent.

However I will say assuming you can move then at this age it is much easier and as they grow older they will have local friends.

When you say enough change you divorced 3 years ago so children have had time to adapt..There is a new baby in the mix .. That was something you obviously thought they could deal with. The younger you move them the better.

LurkingQuietly · 21/02/2017 22:02

Can't cope with the kids you've got, but had a new baby? Nice. Your whole post smacks of your 3 older children being an inconvenience to you. I really feel for them.

Original poster
KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 22:02

Thanks all.

He's moving to be with his new girlfriend who's pregnant. It's 6 hours drive away. I moved 10 minutes out of the city.

Of course it's a lot worse for my DC, I'm just not coping. My partner doesn't really help with childcare apart from the baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 22:04

If I decided to cut my time with my children by more than half and move to the other side of the country I'd be roasted.

OP posts:
SirNiallDementia · 21/02/2017 22:05

How on earth can the school run take 3 hours a day when you only moved 10 mins away from the home you had with your ex???

WatchingFromTheWings · 21/02/2017 22:08

You need to move the kids schools asap. It'll be better for you all in the long run. And would you really want to do all that travelling with a newborn in tow? The kids will adjust. You should be able to get online and apply for local schoosl....do it this evening!

Msqueen33 · 21/02/2017 22:09

I'm confused why your school run takes so long. Also your new partner needs to mix in with your other kids as he's essentially their step father and it's not going to work if he only parents his own child. I can partner understand your ex moving but it is a shame but you're not completely on your own.

HermioneJeanGranger · 21/02/2017 22:09

I'm surprised how much people are defending him.

He's moving across the country from his kids and OP is unreasonable to be angry? Really?

People are full of sympathy for single parents, but when one parent unilaterally decides to bugger off, it's okay because the remaining parent has a partner?

Hmm
Bragadocia · 21/02/2017 22:10

Exactly, you would be utterly condemned. I just can't understand how few people are in agreement. It is not okay for people (men) to decide they are going to up sticks and no longer have day to day responsibility for their children.

Original poster
KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 22:11

The school run is 45 minutes each way, four times a day. I live 10 minutes outside the city, from the edge of the city to their school in rush hour takes around half an hour.

OP posts:
SirNiallDementia · 21/02/2017 22:12

Why 4 times a day to/ from school? Can that be reduced?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/02/2017 22:19

It is not okay for people (men) to decide they are going to up sticks and no longer have day to day responsibility for their children

Firstly OP moved first. Secondly we don't know why he is moving.

Oh and it isn't always men. DSC 'D'M moved to the other side of the bloody world! Has no contact and pays no maintenance.

BaymaxismyHero · 21/02/2017 22:21

4 x as in taking to school then going home. Picking them up and going home.
Unfortunately you can't have it all. Either move close to school or move them to a school closer to home.

As of your ex moving away unfortunately he had every right to move on with his life. You have.

Moanyoldcow · 21/02/2017 22:29

This is just bizarre. Why do people not do the most helpful and obvious things to get themselves out of a bind?

Your children need to go to a local school. That commute is ridiculous.

Your partner is supposed to be part of your family - he needs to be involved with all children, not just the baby. I grew up in a 'blended' family. I was DC1 and watched my mum's partner treat me differently for years.

It's not acceptable.

m0therofdragons · 21/02/2017 22:35

Your dc couldn't cope with moving schools but moving house, moving in with mums new dp and mum having a baby with new dp is all fine? Just move schools and stop being so dramatic. Your dc dad is moving and won't see his dc as much which is shit but you can't control that you can only control how you react and adapt. Being a martyr doesn't help anyone!

Bragadocia · 21/02/2017 22:35

OP moved ten minutes out of the city in which they had their marital home! Her ex is moving across the country and going from virtually shared residency to EOW. The children are going from having their father in the lives half the week, to EOW at a distant location (which will impact on their hobbies, interests, and social lives when they get older).

No, it's not always men. But it's almost always men. And it is bizarre how acceptable this is considered to be.

Divorce doesn't mean that people should 'move on with their lives' away from their children.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/02/2017 22:37

Again we don't know WHY he is moving!

Original poster
KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 22:39

Divorce doesn't mean that people should 'move on with their lives' away from their children.

This

OP posts:
Original poster
KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 22:40

I said earlier, he's moving to be with his new girlfriend who is pregnant.

OP posts:
MadMags · 21/02/2017 22:40

Firstly, OP didn't say that she only moved ten minutes away, or that her ex was moving to be with his gf.

Secondly, if a man can't be hands on and step up with your dc, OP, then he shouldn't be living in your children's home.

Is he always going to treat them differently??

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/02/2017 22:42

Secondly, if a man can't be hands on and step up with your dc, OP, then he shouldn't be living in your children's home.

^ this And if you can't cope with 3 DC then why have a baby.

Original poster
KoKoTronic · 21/02/2017 22:42

Yes I did say that

OP posts:
MadMags · 21/02/2017 22:43

Not in your OP you didn't.

m0therofdragons · 21/02/2017 22:43

Yes we do Piglet to live with his pregnant girlfriend.

It's a difficult situation but when couples split life does move on and dc end up having to deal with this kind of crap. It sucks but if he doesn't move then surely another dc (his new baby) would be in a similar situation?

What he's doing is crap and op can of course be angry but she seems to be making life harder to prove some kind of point but it's only her suffering with insane school commutes.