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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm ending the affair

185 replies

Userr123 · 19/02/2017 12:25

So last month I posted on here how is had a very intense and passionate affair with a colleague, we are both married.
He's returning from paternity leave tomorrow, we've not spoken for a fortnight.
So it's difficult, we work together.
I am just going to text in the morning, saying I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore, and avoid all calls.
I will see him in the office, but hope we can just be professional.
I have no intension of getting into any discussions about it with him, I'll get emotional.
Thoughts please.

OP posts:
user1479302027 · 23/05/2017 12:56

"both realised they are in the wrong relationships" - whilst the dw is pregnant! Jeez. What a time to have a dark night of the soul for him!

IrianOfW · 23/05/2017 13:48

Ignoring the rights and wrongs of the situation, I recommend that you

  1. look for a new job asap. It will be hard if he comes back and wants to resume things -are you strong enough to keep clear?
  2. Focus on your marriage - fix it or end it.
MrsPeelyWaly · 23/05/2017 20:11

So last month I posted on here how is had a very intense and passionate affair with a colleague, we are both married.
He's returning from paternity leave tomorrow, we've not spoken for a fortnight.
So it's difficult, we work together.
I am just going to text in the morning, saying I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore, and avoid all calls.
I will see him in the office, but hope we can just be professional.
I have no intension of getting into any discussions about it with him, I'll get emotional.
Thoughts please

Just give yourself a shiny.

imightneedsocks · 23/05/2017 20:31

OP...I have actually been in this very situation.

Not with a colleague but with an old flame. Someone I (sadly) consider to be the love of my life. The difference being that I was single at the time.

I think you need to think about several things here:

  • What is this to you? I presume on your side you have some kind of emotional connection/feelings?
  • If so, have some self respect. You don't want to be someone's sideline, to get the crumbs of love left over after his wife and family. Bear that in mind and it will make no contact easier
  • Do you have self esteem or commitment issues? I think you need to get to the bottom of what has driven your behaviour...
  • What about your own relationship? You don't really talk about it in this post....what has driven you to seek interest elsewhere?

Having been in this situation once I would never go near a married man again. I've had therapy and have more self respect now, I think you need to get to that place too.

MrsPeelyWaly · 23/05/2017 20:50

I've had therapy and have more self respect now, I think you need to get to that place too

Why does it have to be all about you. Why cant you just see that having an affair with a married man is about more than you. How about Id never do it again because I'd never want to hurt another woman.

revolution909 · 23/05/2017 21:05

I think people become selfish and have to have some external insights on the reasons for this

imightneedsocks · 23/05/2017 21:17

@MrsPeelyWaly

Because my morals are different to yours. I don't feel responsible for other people's marriages. I don't feel I somehow 'owe' something to other women I've never met. I haven't made any commitments or vows and wouldn't be breaking any.

If having different morals on this matter makes me 'indecent' then so be it.

MrsPeelyWaly · 23/05/2017 21:28

@MrsPeelyWaly

Because my morals are different to yours. I don't feel responsible for other people's marriages. I don't feel I somehow 'owe' something to other women I've never met. I haven't made any commitments or vows and wouldn't be breaking any

If having different morals on this matter makes me 'indecent' then so be it

And so it shall be.

Persemillion · 23/05/2017 21:55

Why the pregnant wife is largely the only concern in this thread but OP's husband is rarely mentioned?

Expat38matt · 24/05/2017 06:50

A friend once said to me "you're playing with fire and you're going to get burned"
At the time she was older than me and I was messing around on a boyfriend
As I've got older her words stick with me and have rung true in situations not always my own
The truth is the exciting part is the deceit and the danger . When it's exposed or analysed it's all a bit grim and seedy
Hes already shown u that his priority is his wife and new baby (even if it's in a fucked up/ cheating way - he didn't ultimately choose you did he?)
Believe me I'm speaking from bitter experience- I once read on here that the grass is greener on the other side cos that's where you're watering it - or something ?

This man only represents a thrill, a break from the monotony, abit of excitement , different sex. That doesn't last long and it's not worth either of you risking / losing everything
Think of what you'd lose and decide if you care or not. Then take the risk if you still want too

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