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Original poster

I'm ending the affair

185 replies

Userr123 · 19/02/2017 12:25

So last month I posted on here how is had a very intense and passionate affair with a colleague, we are both married.
He's returning from paternity leave tomorrow, we've not spoken for a fortnight.
So it's difficult, we work together.
I am just going to text in the morning, saying I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore, and avoid all calls.
I will see him in the office, but hope we can just be professional.
I have no intension of getting into any discussions about it with him, I'll get emotional.
Thoughts please.

OP posts:
midnightsky27 · 19/02/2017 13:13

I'm sorry I'm not trying to be 'holier than thou', but you say his wife just had a baby? How long was the affair going on before this? You say you want to end it, is this just because you've not heard from this married man since he's been on paternity leave? Do you feel remorse over what you've done not only to your own husband but another woman who has just given birth? If I were you I would seriously start thinking about finding another job and break all contact. Do you think you ought to come clean to your husband as it's not fair on him - it doesn't sound like you are in love anymore? If you want your marriage to work it's going to take a huge amount of repair by the sounds of it and working alongside this other man is going to be a huge temptation infront of you on a daily basis....

Coffeegrain · 19/02/2017 13:13

I really don't comprehend how a woman could do this to another woman/family. One thing is for sure, you'll both be found out. It's just a matter of time.

Beachedwh4le · 19/02/2017 13:17

The OP is asking a question, people can chose to answer it or they can ignore it, flaming is rarely constructive, and no one is asking you to pat them on the head, including the OP. This is supposed to be a supportive place.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2017 13:17

Beachedwh4le

The OP clearly needs to be reminded of the other people in this, her husband, the other wife, the baby.

Because from what she has written she sure as hell isn't going to do that herself.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/02/2017 13:18

This is supposed to be a supportive place.

Supporting doesn't mean blindly agreeing or saying everything will be ok.

Surreyblah · 19/02/2017 13:19

You missed him while he was on PATERNITY LEAVE!

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/02/2017 13:22

Beachedwh4le

Ok constructive.

OP the bloke can't think that much of you if he was fucking his wife enough to have a child and has now dropped you like a hot potato now that the child is here.

PollyPerky · 19/02/2017 13:23

You are doing the right thing OP.

But I suspect he's ahead of you on it and his mind is now on his wife, baby and work.

If you have feelings for him it will be very hard and you may have to consider moving jobs.

Maybe also it's worth looking at your marriage and thinking if you want it to continue?

Ellisandra · 19/02/2017 13:23

Right, so you actually just got dumped?
At least temporarily because he's been at home (with his wife and new baby) which men's land phoning to tell you how hot you look is, you know, kinda risky.
Immoral too but that's no bother to the pair of you.
But too risky.
You are so important to him (that is, not al all) that he's just dropped you.

I'm sure he will try to pick it up with you again when he's back at work and the risk of exposure is lower.

How about you don't make a drama out of "ending" this and just accept that you're just a cheap shag to him, and next time he tries it on - just keep your legs crossed. Maybe say "oh have you got any photos of your baby" if that helps you keep your knickers on?

PollyPerky · 19/02/2017 13:27

why do some posters get off on being nasty? Would you say these things face to face to someone?

midnightsky27 · 19/02/2017 13:32

It's pretty hard not to let emotions come into it OP - my heart breaks for this new mum.

SangtheSun · 19/02/2017 13:35

Ok, no nastiness. But why would you want a relationship with a man who was cheating on his pregnant wife? What was the attraction?
That poor woman, how devastating for her. I don't doubt she could feel something was "off" about their relationship. Because when she was carrying his child, he was shagging you or getting in touch to tell you how great you looked.

Is this the kind of man you are attracted to? Why?

Bones2017 · 19/02/2017 13:58

Good. Sounds like morals have finally caught up with you. His poor wife

Thinkingofausername1 · 19/02/2017 13:58

Why are you having an affair with someone who clearly has a new born baby. You shouldn't have started it in the first place. His poor wife was going through pregnancy and he was shagging you the whole time. Wtf??clearly you deserve one another

Ellisandra · 19/02/2017 14:02

I'm never convinced by the relevance of "would you say this face to face?"

No, j wouldn't - I'm a keyboard warrior. If a random stranger told me in a pub that she was shagging a married man whose wife had just had a baby, I would probably mumble "well that doesn't sound like a great situation" and then put some space between us.

Would the OP admit to her shitty behaviour face to face to me - or other strangers? No.

So an anonymous online response is appropriate, and in those circumstances - yeah, I would and have said that she's behaving really badly.

Oblomov17 · 19/02/2017 14:05

He came back from paternity leave, that you missed him during, to comment how lovely you looked in the office? Hmm

SandyY2K · 19/02/2017 14:08

Thoughts?

If you really want to end it, start looking for another job and only then will you be able to go total no contract. While you see each other every day there is always the chance it will start up again and it usually does.

It starts again because of the initimate familiarity you have with each other and it's not that easy for a MM to find a woman willing to sleep with him, so it will be easier to sweet talk you back into it, with compliments of how great you look.... Those compliments are a way of keeping you on the back burner for when he's in need of sex and ego strokes.

Do some self reflection and not just about how hard it's going to be on you, but how devastating this would be to your respective partners.

Can you imagine how you'd feel knowing your partner was sleeping with another woman during your pregnancy? That your sexual health and that of your unborn child was put at risk.

Start reflecting on what took you down this path, so you don't do it again with another man.

Beachedwh4le · 19/02/2017 14:14

Sandy that's good advice

crazypenguinlady · 19/02/2017 14:16

Yes OP a massive well done for deciding to 'do the right thing' and break things off with a guy who was shagging you behind his heavily pregnant wife's back. You are a pillar of society, go and polish that halo.

Hmm
Holly3434 · 19/02/2017 14:18

I think he dumped you, don't bother wasting your credit to text the ship of this romance sailed the second he wised up he's now a dad.

Dadaist · 19/02/2017 14:51

I think the best advice is to look hard at yourself and your relationship and ask why this started, ? whether you have been fair, ? whether you are being fair now (not least because you have cheated - and it's called that for a reason). ? Are you going to confess - what will you say if he finds out? Can you address the issues - can you ever respect him again? That's my advice OP - time to ask some questions of yourself!

Underthemoonlight · 19/02/2017 15:02

Biscuit the lowest of the low to knowly shag a married man when his wife's pregnant and when your married. What outcome do you expect ? To leave your partners and skip off into the sunset? He would do the same to you in a heartbeat if he can do it to his pregnant wife.

PollyPerky · 19/02/2017 15:29

I think that's unfair Under The OP is ending it or it's been ended for her. Let's have less judgy pants and more practical support.

I concur with previous posts which is examine your marriage and motives for the affair. Leave this job if at all possible. Have counselling to understand why you were tempted.

Underthemoonlight · 19/02/2017 15:41

Sometimes as others have said you need the brutal honesty of posters to realise your actions are wrong clearly from OPs last post she doesn't consider the wife her baby or her DH.

Kikikaakaa · 19/02/2017 15:46

He dumped you I thought?

Regardless of the dumping, you have made the decision that's going to cause the least heartache.
You really have to move forward in dealing with your own marriage now.
This man is a fantasy. It's really really unlikely he will leave his wife and baby - he has no issues having the affair up till now, he has no reason to change anything.
All this does is stop you sorting out your marriage by letting him dominate your thoughts and feelings.
Leave him alone from now on, carrying things on could just end up so messy and you could easily end up with no one

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